


seize the day

by kiholove



Series: kiho monthly [7]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, kiho monthly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-07-10 23:03:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15959435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiholove/pseuds/kiholove
Summary: Kihyun wonders what it would be like to stay here with Hoseok forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> as usual to avoid spoilers, i won't be including any specific warnings in the tags or the notes of this fic, but please be aware that this story contains highly mature content, including graphic and upsetting scenes and scenarios that may be too much for some readers. please proceed with caution if you are a sensitive reader, and if you'd like me to spoil any specific warnings that you feel may be upsetting for you should you encounter the type of content unprepared, feel free to message me on my twitter account. this fic is meant to be an enjoyable, albeit very angsty read and it's of course never my intention to legitimately upset anyone, so please don't hesitate to reach out to me if you have any concerns <3
> 
> another important thing to note: this fic is an AU set in the universe of the hbo tv series westworld. you don't need to watch westworld to enjoy or to understand this fic, but you should be aware that this fic does contain some major spoilers for seasons 1 and 2. 
> 
> also, as of writing this summary, this fic is mostly finished already so i will be aiming to post a new chapter every 2 or 3 days (no waiting months between updates hahahahaaha i'm sorry about my other ongoing fics, and i promise i will start focusing on finishing them all up one at a time.....)
> 
> anyway, with that all said...i've been working on this fic for weeks and weeks now and i hope you all enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it ~ <3

As Kihyun carefully steps off of the train and onto the dusty wooden platform just outside of the bustling town of Sweetwater, his eyes widen and his mouth parts slightly in surprise, because it’s even more incredible than he expected. 

He’s never seen anything like it, like Westworld. 

It’s always been a dream of his, to come here, and now, he finally gets to do it. He finally gets to visit the spectacular Westworld park, miles and miles and miles of simulation desert modelled after the American Western Frontier, designed down to its smallest details to perfectly recreate the time period and the experience. 

And of course, there are the “hosts.” 

The “hosts” are the machines that populate the park, advanced androids that are indistinguishable from real humans. They’re programmed to look and act and sound and even _think_ just like the real thing, just like real people living here in this time period, unaware of their completely manufactured existence. To them, all of the guests to the Westworld park are just the “newcomers,” and the outside world, the _real_ world of sparkling cities and space travel and technology, it simply doesn’t exist. And the hosts are absolutely incredible to behold, Kihyun still in shock that all of this is real, and not only that it’s real, but that he actually gets to visit this amazing place and experience it firsthand. 

It’s late morning, around lunchtime, and the town of Sweetwater is fully alive with hosts and guests alike, everyone rushing around doing this and that, shopping, eating, drinking, fighting. From what they had told him at orientation, there are dozens and dozens of interweaving narratives taking place right before his very eyes, dozens of storylines programmed into the hosts and the park itself for the guests to partake in. Thrills to seek out, dangers to pursue, all kinds of adventures just waiting to begin. Kihyun feels like he’s stepping into a storybook, one where he gets to be the main character and live out whatever kind of fantasy his heart desires. 

Other passengers exit the train and push past Kihyun as he just stands there, frozen in awe, and behind him, the train whistles loudly as it moves on to its next destination, back to the outside world, presumably, or maybe to one of the other Delos theme parks. 

The train leaves in a rush of smoke and creaking, squeaking metal and steel, an antiquated piece of technology compared to the world that Kihyun had just left behind. Or at least, that’s how it appears, because Kihyun knows full well the amount of programming and advanced technological work that went on in the Delos labs just to make that single train seem so realistically old-fashioned. It's ironic, and it’s charming, and Kihyun really is just so _enchanted_ by this place already, how immersive the experience is, and he’s only just begun. 

The sky above him is deep blue and cloudless, the sun shining down hot and dry, the air thick with the dust and dirt kicked up from dozens of horses and dozens of pairs of boots. He can smell the gunpowder, the sarsaparilla and the whiskey, the sand and the smoke, the sounds around him all buzzing through his head in a steady, constant stream. It’s overwhelming, it’s magnificent, and somehow, it feels even more real than the real world. 

_Yes_ , Kihyun thinks, _coming here was a wonderful idea indeed_. 

He walks slowly, mesmerized, along the dirt path into the little town, immediately swept up into the crowds of pedestrians, and he feels a little shy, a little out of place even as he eagerly takes it all in. He can’t help it; he knows that the park is designed for this, to accommodate every whim and every desire of every guest, but he’s just not used to this sort of thing, being _here_. Hearing about it, reading about it is one thing, but actually being here...it’s almost incomprehensible. 

As he walks, he’s stopped several times by hosts looking to pull him into one of their narratives, one of their wild little stories. That’s what they’re programmed to do, after all, entice the guests into grand adventures out in the canyons and valleys, out in the wild, lawless desert, but Kihyun doesn’t have time for that. No, he’s here for something else entirely. 

He had tried his best to pick out decent clothing from what the orientation host had offered him, the proper attire for a trip like this, but he really doesn’t know much about period clothing, if he’s being honest. In the end, he had settled for the basics: a white shirt, a dark suede vest, a dark blazer, dark trousers, and dark boots to match. He had gone for an adorable dark bowtie rather than a handkerchief or necktie, and he had forgone the classic cowboy hat that guests often wore (and that the orientation host had even insisted on). Instead, he had left his chocolate-brown hair unadorned, now messy and windblown and kissed by the sun, and for the final details of his outfit, he had picked a shining silver pocket watch, the thick chain dangling across his thigh, and had traded in his contact lenses for a pair of large, round glasses that had been customized for his prescription, naturally. 

He also has a small knife, sheathed and holstered to his belt, and even now it still feels strange wearing it. Most of the guests visiting Westworld liked to carry guns, eager to take advantage of the rare opportunity to openly carry and shoot. But for Kihyun, guns have always made him nervous, and it’s something that remains true even here. 

Even so, he couldn’t enter Westworld without some kind of weapon to protect himself, according to the orientation host, who had seemed perplexed at his lack of enthusiasm for picking out a weapon. And so, he had settled for the small but razor-sharp blade now resting comfortably, tucked away under his shirt, though he still doubts he’ll even use it while he’s here. Unlike many of the other guests, he’s not here to indulge in vices or perform violence without consequences. 

Still, it all amazes him how thorough and well-thought out everything in Westworld is, how the entire experience is designed to match the guests no matter their expectations or desires, even an unusually pacifistic guest such as himself. And the hosts, again, well...they’re just incredible, it’s the only way he can think to describe them. Truly a technological marvel. The more of them he sees and encounters, the more stunned he is at their mere existence. It’s almost scary, Kihyun thinks. 

No, it _is_ scary, how real this all feels, even though it’s all just a meticulously-designed illusion, just an elaborate game of Wild West. Even now, Kihyun has to look twice at every person he passes to check to see if they really are a person, though it would be much more difficult if the real thing didn’t give itself away so easily. The hosts are perfect, after all, and the guests...not so much. They reveal themselves by the way that they stumble in their cowboy boots, or shout modern expletives at each other, or shoot at random host passerby just because they can. 

Kihyun swallows a little nervously as he keeps walking, searching carefully through the throngs of people for a familiar face. The little town is lined with all sorts of different shops and lodging, everything painstakingly crafted down to its nuts and bolts, little details included just to enhance the realism, little details that the majority of the guests probably won’t ever even notice but that the designers and programmers put that extra bit of effort into just for the sake of making beautiful art. Because that’s what Westworld is, it’s _art_ , and it’s overwhelming to all of the senses, and Kihyun doesn’t know where to even begin, where _they’re_ going to even begin. 

He walks past a well-populated saloon, “Mariposa” painted on its façade, and he peeks inside to see the tables packed with guests and hosts, though Kihyun wonders why someone would pay so much money to visit Westworld just to sit around in a saloon all day, just to do the same thing that they would do in the outside world but dressed like a cowboy. It seems like such a waste, with the big, beautiful park out there in all of its beauty and glory, all of its potential and possibilities. Still, Kihyun figures it just leaves more space open in the park for those who can really appreciate it. 

Kihyun is about to continue forward when he suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder, large and gentle, and his heart warms inside of him as a smile blooms across his face, all negative thoughts and feelings vanished and his chest filled with happiness like warm syrup or sweet molasses. 

He knows without looking that it’s Hoseok, Kihyun’s fiancé and the love of his life, the person he’s been looking for since the moment he stepped off of the train. 

Kihyun turns around and throws his arms around Hoseok’s shoulders without even getting a good look at him, his eyes fluttering shut as he eagerly presses himself against Hoseok’s hard, firm, perfect body, Kihyun resting his chin on one of Hoseok’s broad shoulders and fitting perfectly into his embrace. Sure enough, he feels the rumble of Hoseok’s laugh in Hoseok’s chest as he returns the hug, wrapping his strong, muscular arms around Kihyun’s waist and pulling him in close, Hoseok’s hands fisting in the fabric of Kihyun’s blazer at the shoulder on one side and down by his hip on the other. Hoseok turns his face to nuzzle the side of Kihyun’s hair momentarily before slotting in place, his cheek pressed to Kihyun’s and his chin on Kihyun’s shoulder. They stay like that for a long time, holding each other tight, squeezing each other and rocking slightly back and forth in place, and Hoseok’s chest is so solid and comforting, his arms safe and familiar as always and more wonderful than anything else. 

It’s been weeks since they last saw each other out in the real world and not through a screen, both of them busy with work, and all of this, this Westworld vacation, well, it’s supposed to be something of a pre-honeymoon, some private time for them to spend together, away from work and all of the stress and the chaos of the outside. They had chosen to meet in Westworld as their destination, as it had seemed the perfect place out of all of the Delos theme parks for them to really _escape_ for a few days, to see some beautiful scenery and to have a little taste of adventure before their work would separate them once again. 

And Kihyun appreciates what a miracle this is, knows that they were lucky to be able to even afford this, what with Westworld’s exorbitant prices and the plethora of bureaucratic obstacles to even by allowed entrance into the park. But Hoseok’s family is very wealthy, and he has connections at Delos due to his executive position at one of the subsidiary companies. And so, with the cash to spare and the influence to wield, Hoseok had been able to book them six days and five nights in the park, all those hours to explore and to do whatever their hearts desired, _together_. 

And they’re not here to shoot at pedestrians or to drink to excess or to buy prostitutes or to do any of the unsavory activities that many of the guests usually love to partake in. They’re here to go on a journey in anticipation of what will soon be the _life_ that they’ll start together as spouses, and to create new memories in place of the old bike trips and photo trips that they used to love but that they never have time for anymore. 

They’re here to just _be_ , and to enjoy being together. 

A few more long moments pass until they finally separate from their hug, but not from each other. Kihyun’s hands slide down to grip onto Hoseok’s shoulders as Hoseok’s hands slip down to rest at Kihyun’s waist. And they just look at each other in awe, speechless and overjoyed to see each other. Kihyun is grinning so hard that his face hurts, and Hoseok’s eyes are sparkling, and he’s actually breathless with joy. Kihyun sighs in happiness, because he is just so, _so_ in love with Hoseok that it’s painful, his love for Hoseok filling every cell in his body, driving him from his very core. 

And Hoseok really looks so beautiful, so _handsome_ that Kihyun feels like he could swoon. His eyes travel over Hoseok’s face, over his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his lips, and then down his spectacular body. Hoseok’s wearing a dark leather bomber jacket and dark leather fingerless gloves (not quite historically accurate but _so incredibly hot_ ). Underneath, he’s wearing a dark shirt stretched taut over his chest, and dark leather trousers that hug the muscles of his thighs perfectly. He’s even got a dark handkerchief tied around his neck, the picture-perfect outlaw cowboy, his look complete with a gorgeous black Stetson hat and a glittering silver pistol holstered at his belt. 

Hoseok’s skin is ghostly pale even in the desert sun, and his smile is glowing as he looks at Kihyun. He even looks like he might cry, he’s so happy, and Kihyun thinks that, even for a couple of lovey-dovey saps like them, it’s a bit of an overreaction. It’s only been a few weeks since they last saw each other, but the way that Hoseok is looking at him right now, one would think that Kihyun had just come back from the dead. 

“Kihyunnie,” Hoseok murmurs, his voice velvety and affectionate, and Kihyun can’t help but giggle like a lovestruck schoolgirl. He feels his cheeks turning pink, flustered by Hoseok’s love for him even after all of this time. 

Kihyun reaches for Hoseok’s face, cups his cheeks in his hands, and pulls him in for a kiss, both of them shutting their eyes as their lips meet. It’s slow and sweet and romantic as they separate and kiss again, and several times more after that, their kissing an expression of their love for each other, pure and all-encompassing, and Hoseok’s lips are so unbelievably soft and warm, always even better than Kihyun remembers. 

They part after a few moments with a final, quiet sound, soft like flower petals, and their eyes open to meet once again. Kihyun can see the moisture building in Hoseok’s gaze just before Hoseok leans forward to nuzzle his nose against Kihyun’s, causing Kihyun to burst into fresh giggles, because the touch is so light and gentle, it feels like butterflies are landing on his face. 

Hoseok then takes a step back, his hands slipping from Kihyun’s waist and Kihyun’s hands slipping from Hoseok’s shoulders, and Hoseok takes a good look at Kihyun, looks him up and down with wide and shining eyes. 

Kihyun grins and spins around slowly like he’s modeling his clothes. “What do you think?” Kihyun asks, highly amused. “Am I ready for our grand Western adventure out in the desert?” 

Hoseok doesn’t respond right away, just keeps looking at him and smiles, as if he’s collecting himself, collecting all of his emotions to form a coherent thought in the face of something he feels so deeply for. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Hoseok finally says, breathes out. 

And Hoseok just can’t stop smiling at Kihyun, but there’s a strange look in his eyes, underneath the happiness and the love, something odd swirling around in there that Kihyun thinks he might recognize but that he can’t quite understand in this context. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that it’s yearning, that Hoseok is _yearning_ for him despite the fact that he’s standing a foot away from his face. But Kihyun supposes it makes sense given that they haven’t seen each other for so long; Kihyun is certainly in disbelief that they’re actually here together too. 

Kihyun thinks he must be imagining things, however, because a second later, the look is gone, and Hoseok’s eyes are filled with nothing but fondness, unbridled and exuberant. And Kihyun concludes that perhaps, like Kihyun himself, Hoseok was just having a hard time believing that they’re really here and really about to do this. And it really does seem too good to be true, too wonderful to really be happening. 

They’re still standing in the middle of the street, and other hosts and guests are awkwardly moving around them in the midst of their reunion, some throwing them dirty looks, but neither of them pays much attention, both too focused on each other to think about anything or anyone else. 

Hoseok looks like he wants to take Kihyun into his arms again and never let go, like he wants to hug and kiss him breathless, and Kihyun’s actually starting to feel a little shy about it, because Hoseok, while always fawning over him, has never been quite this eager for public displays of affection, has always been much more apt to save it all for the privacy of their home, only engaging in small touches or sweet glances, maybe some hand-holding in public. But it warms Kihyun’s heart even if it’s a little awkward to be so intimate in a public space, and so he brushes it all off with a playful roll of his eyes. 

“Well, cowboy?” Kihyun asks with a smirk. “Are you going to just gawk at me all day or are we going on our adventure?” 

Hoseok grins, his eyes lighting up all over again. “I got us all packed and ready this morning. Just was waiting for you to join me,” he says. He steps forward and reaches for Kihyun’s hand to take in his own, and when their fingers intertwine, Kihyun’s heart soars. 

The two of them walk together like that, hand in hand, towards the outskirts of Sweetwater, where there’s a beautiful horse all saddled up with supplies for their journey. _One_ horse. Kihyun laughs. 

“One horse for the two of us?” Kihyun asks, squeezing Hoseok’s hand in his. He thinks briefly of their rides on Hoseok’s motorcycle out in the real world, Hoseok driving and Kihyun hugging his waist tightly from behind. 

“It’s more romantic this way, trust me,” Hoseok says, leaning over to brush his lips over Kihyun’s cheek in a barely-there, heart-melting kiss. 

They finally let go of each other’s hands and Hoseok helps Kihyun onto the horse, lifting him up effortlessly. Kihyun scoots forward to give Hoseok room to jump on behind him, and soon Kihyun is leaning back onto Hoseok’s chest while Hoseok reaches his arms around either side of Kihyun to grab hold of the reigns as Kihyun holds on to the knob at the front of the saddle, and Kihyun really does swoon this time, because Hoseok was right. This is _so_ romantic, almost unbearably so. 

Hoseok rests his chin on Kihyun’s shoulder from behind and his voice is like honey beside Kihyun’s ear. “All ready?” he asks. 

“All ready,” Kihyun says. 

And then they’re off, riding out into the horizon, leaving the real world and all of its ugliness, all of its sorrow and heartache behind them to blow away in the wind.


	2. Chapter 2

Hoseok sighs in frustration as he slams the door of his car shut and hurriedly crosses the street to the restaurant and lounge on the other side. He’s feeling irritated, both at himself and at the extenuating circumstances that led to this situation. What can he say, traffic was a nightmare coming back from the office. 

He’s late. 

It’s not really such a big deal, since he’s just meeting some of his friends from work, but he feels bad for making them wait nearly thirty minutes now when this was supposed to be a relaxing Friday night for them all to unwind after a few particularly stressful months, both at Delos itself and its subsidiaries, especially because Hoseok knows that he hasn’t exactly been making it easier for himself or anyone else. He had hoped that this night out would be a chance to regain some traction on everything, but it seems like he’s already screwed it up, just like he’s screwed up everything else. 

Hoseok sighs, and his heart tremors with guilt. It’s an all-too familiar feeling nowadays. He doesn’t even remember what it was like to not live with this constant, overwhelming guilt. 

They’re all meeting at one of the most expensive lounges in town, a high-end restaurant, bar, and nightclub so exclusive that only corporate millionaires (and their friends) are even able to walk through the door. Or, in Hoseok’s case, rush through. 

The doorman and the hostess let him pass into the seating area without question, because he’s famous in the corporate world, and because his friends are already there waiting for him. And Hoseok is still in his dark suit and white dress shirt from working at the office, but he’s already removed his tie and undone some of the first few buttons of the shirt, left his suit jacket open for some semblance of comfort and informality even at a place like this. 

It’s relatively busy, but that’s a given since it’s 9:30 on a Friday night. Still, Hoseok finds himself a little flustered, unspeakably anxious as he weaves through the throngs of well-dressed patrons seated at the dining tables, then stumbles past all of the activity at the dimly-lit bar section, finally making his way through the maze of velvet couches in the lounge area in search of his friends. 

The color scheme of the entire place is black and gold and deep burgundy, and the lighting is low and soothing, and there’s soft classical music trilling through the air courtesy of a live pianist. Hoseok happens to know that this restaurant is owned by someone high up at Delos, and that the pianist is actually a host named Hyungwon, who had originally been created for a narrative in Shogunworld, but had been bought out and retired by said someone high up at Delos. Once part of an exciting and violent storyline meant to thrill Shogunworld guests, Hyungwon is now programmed to play a collection of about eighty different songs on a loop, trapped in a repetitive existence meant solely to entertain the patrons to the restaurant, and he’s not even aware of any of it, not even aware of his own slavery, and the tragic fact that this isn’t even the first time. 

But Hoseok doesn’t want to think too much about that right now, not with everything else that’s on his mind, and so he lets himself forget all about it when he finally spots his friends in the corner, sitting back comfortably on one of the luxurious couches. Hoseok’s friends, Hyunwoo and Minhyuk, are waving at him with clear drinks in hand, also still in their suits from work and looking tired but very happy to see him. Hyunwoo is the CFO of a prestigious banking firm that’s closely tied with Delos financially, while Minhyuk is in upper-level management at Delos itself and also sits on the Delos Board of Directors, so all three of them know just how stressful these past few months have been, with all of the corporate overhaul going on at Delos headquarters, and the new parks still in development at the same time. And, of course, all of the trouble that Hoseok himself has caused for them ever since... 

Hoseok shakes his head of those dark thoughts as he makes his way over to his friends and sits down opposite them on another couch, greeting them with a quick nod as he waves down a waiter. He orders a bottle of Dom Pérignon for them all to share, Minhyuk and Hyunwoo grinning even as they finish off their already expensive drinks, placing their empty glasses off to the side of the little glass table between the two couches. The waiter leaves to retrieve the bottle while Hoseok turns back to his friends. 

“Consider that my apology for being late,” Hoseok says. “It’s been a rough week.” And it’s true, despite Hoseok mostly keeping his appearance together. Things have been rough lately, to say the least, and rough for a long, long time. 

“No problem at all, Hoseok,” Minhyuk replies, smiling. That’s the thing about Minhyuk that Hoseok loves so much about him, that he’s always smiling. It’s part of the reason why he climbed up so high on the corporate ladder at Delos in just a few short years. People just _like_ Minhyuk, they feel comfortable around him and trusting of him. And Minhyuk genuinely _is_ friendly and charming, sure, but Hoseok knows that behind his warm smile, he’s also very crafty, and not at all one to be underestimated. And Hoseok, as always, feel fortunate that Minhyuk is one of his oldest and closest friends, and that he’s someone whom Minhyuk is actually loyal to, because he certainly would not want to be on the wrong side of that deceptively amenable face. 

“Since we’re here to relax,” Hyunwoo says, his voice deep and soothing, “how about we make a rule? No talking about work for the rest of the night. How does that sound?” Besides Minhyuk, Hyunwoo is one of the very few people that Hoseok truly trusts and admires. Hoseok has known Hyunwoo for a long time, too, and he knows that Hyunwoo is a good, decent person, which, in the corporate world, is a rare find indeed. 

“Sounds good to me,” Hoseok replies, sighing in relief. The waiter comes back with their champagne and pours out three glasses, leaving the bottle at the table and, with a short bow, going off to tend to other patrons. 

The three friends chit-chat for a while, catch up with each other, and though Hoseok is polite and amicable and listens to what his friends are saying with interest, he doesn’t really take any of it in. It’s something that’s been happening to him for a while now; anytime someone talks to him, he can never quite focus on what they’re saying, or even what he’s saying in response. He can only hear a ringing in his ears, the whole world silenced and muffled like he’s pressed between two pillows, and he’s unable to fully process anything around him, not even when it’s coming from his closest friends. 

Hyunwoo and Minhyuk talk and laugh, and he wonders what it’s like, to be able to live normally. He hasn’t been able to live normally in so long that he’s forgotten how it feels, and he doesn’t remember the last time he was able to talk and laugh, to _really_ talk and laugh. And he’s tired, of course, and he’s trying his best to be a person again, but it’s no use. And this isn’t working, he realizes, not really. But his friends seem happy, and as long as they’re happy, and as long as they think that _he’s_ happy, then it will be okay. Well, as okay as it can be given the circumstances, which is really not okay at all, not even a little bit. And again, Hoseok wonders why he’s even going through with this, why he even bothers. 

He shouldn’t be here, he thinks, and yet, he’ll stay here anyway, if that’s what it takes to keep the waters calm. 

The waiter returns a while later with little deserts for them to share, courtesy of Minhyuk, though Hoseok doesn't much feel for anything sweet right now, his mind buzzing, too lost in amorphous, tormenting thoughts. He’s succumbed once again to his inner darkness, to everything that’s been plaguing him, and he wonders when his friends will see through his charade, as they inevitably will, like they always do. 

Hoseok watches the waiter leave, then turns back to his friends, one final attempt at lightness to chase away the demons or, at least, to convince his friends that they’ve been chased away. He knows that they’re much more perceptive than they seem, and he wonders why they haven’t yet said anything about his obvious distraction. Maybe talking about work would be the best move after all. 

“He’s a host, you know,” Hoseok says, nodding towards the waiter. “Most of the staff here are.” 

“It’s amazing,” Hyunwoo says, taking the bait, to Hoseok’s relief, “how lifelike they are. I can never tell the difference.” 

“Well that’s the whole point of them, isn’t it?” Hoseok replies. He takes a sip of his champagne, the carbonation and the alcohol strangely soothing even as it burns going down his throat. “To be unable to differentiate from the real thing?” 

Minhyuk raises an eyebrow. He glances at Hyunwoo, then back at Hoseok. “You would know, wouldn’t you?” he asks. 

Hoseok frowns, coughs uncomfortably. “What do you mean?” he asks, feigning ignorance. 

Minhyuk sighs deeply, then pauses for a moment before he continues, visibly tense. 

“You know what I mean, Hoseok,” he says. 

Minhyuk takes a long sip of his champagne, and it’s awkward for a few moments, the three of them sitting in silence. This was supposed to be a relaxing night for the three of them, that’s what they had all talked about. And Hoseok had thought that things were going well, that they were buying his fake positive attitude, and that the night would end without incident, and maybe, just maybe, he’d feel the tiniest bit like a regular person again, if only for one night. 

But it seems that Minhyuk and Hyunwoo had seen through him from the moment he had walked in, and that they had staged another _intervention_ instead, just waiting for the right opportunity. And unknowingly, Hoseok had just given it to them. 

It’s all clear to him now; Hoseok can tell that they planned this by the way that they keep glancing at each other, then at Hoseok, like he’s a wild animal that they’re afraid might bolt, or attack, if they don’t handle him with proper care. It seems that they had known from the beginning that this was all for naught, that there was no way in hell that they’d ever be able to have a relaxing night out, not with Hoseok and the way he is nowadays, after everything that’s happened. 

The air feels stuffy and too hot all of a sudden, and Hoseok becomes hyper-aware of all of the other patrons around them, their glasses and silverware clinking too loudly, their laughter fake and forced. Everything around him is a farce, just like the Delos parks, just like the hosts, just like this evening out with his friends. 

“Hyunwoo and I have been talking, Hoseok,” Minhyuk starts, his expression serious. He sighs again. “You can’t keep doing this.” 

“Doing what?” Hoseok asks, stiffening in his seat. He knows exactly what. 

“Hoseok,” Minhyuk murmurs, his voice growing softer. He leans forward across the little table between them and places a comforting hand on Hoseok’s knee. 

Hoseok doesn’t move. His chest feels tight and his head is throbbing, the signs of an oncoming panic attack. He stays still, waiting for Minhyuk to continue, and Minhyuk is looking right into his eyes. 

“I know you’re planning to go again,” Minhyuk goes on. “Every guest gets pre-screened by management, you know that. And this would be...what? Trip number thirty-two? Thirty-three?” 

“I...” Hoseok starts to protest, but his words are caught in his throat, and Minhyuk seems to be looking right through him. 

“It’s not healthy, Hoseok,” Hyunwoo adds. He’s leaning forward now, too, both Minhyuk and Hyunwoo hunched towards Hoseok like they’re talking to a frightened child. 

“It’s been almost a year,” Hyunwoo says. “Maybe it’s time for you to–” 

“Move on?” Hoseok snaps, anger boiling hot in his veins. “You’re telling me I should move on?” 

Hyunwoo and Minhyuk both look taken aback at his outburst, their eyes wide, and for a moment, Hoseok fumes, livid like a raging bull. But the anger quickly gives way to bitterness, and then to despair, and Hoseok chuckles darkly, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. Nobody around them even acknowledges the drama, everyone else going on with their lives as if everything’s fine, as if Hoseok’s entire world hasn’t crumbled in on itself, as if Hoseok‘s heart and soul and spirit haven’t all been irrevocably destroyed. Hoseok swallows. 

“How could you say such a thing?” he asks, his voice shaking, all of the fury dissipated, broken and quiet. 

“Hoseok,” Minhyuk says, reaching to rub his hand on Hoseok’s knee in attempt to comfort him. “We care about you. We’re saying it for your own good. You have to stop doing this to yourself.” 

“You don’t understand,” Hoseok says. His voice cracks, and he feels humiliated, weak and fragile, like he’ll collapse at any second. He hadn’t realized it until now, but he’s gripping the couch cushions so hard that his knuckles are white and his fingers are ripping open the velvet fabric. 

“You’re right, we don’t,” Hyunwoo says. “But what you’re doing, you can’t keep living like this. You’ll never know peace.” 

“Who says I want peace?” Hoseok asks. He looks right at Hyunwoo as he says it, and Hyunwoo’s eyes are kind and caring, but they only make Hoseok feel worse. Patronized. 

“You can’t keep living like this,” Hyunwoo says again, calmly. “You can’t keep...tormenting yourself.” 

“You know he wouldn’t want this, Hoseok,” Minhyuk adds, quietly. 

And Minhyuk is giving him a small, sad smile, completely genuine, but awful, because Hoseok can see that it’s full of pity. Minhyuk is _pitying him_. And yes, Hoseok knows that he’s pathetic, but it angers him, _enrages_ him to be pitied after everything that’s happened. And Hyunwoo, he’s got the same look on his face. As if the two of them could ever understand the pain that he’s in. 

“Fuck you guys,” Hoseok says, voice low like a growl, so angry that he’s trembling with it, his vision blurred by watery eyes. He scoffs and stands up hastily, pulls out a stack of bills from his jacket pocket and slams them down on the table so hard that the champagne glasses shake. 

“Hoseok...” Hyunwoo starts. He makes to stand up, but Minhyuk pulls him back down to sit, shakes his head quickly. It’s a good call; Minhyuk knows that Hoseok is seconds away from making a scene, concern for his reputation and public image gone long ago. Minhyuk and Hyunwoo still care about that kind of thing, after all. 

“I’ll see you on Monday,” Hoseok says. He’s shaking, still, and each breath feels like it weighs a hundred pounds in his lungs. “Enjoy the bottle. It’s yours.” 

He turns away because he can’t stand to look at them anymore. He knows that they’re just trying to help, that their hearts are in the right place, and yes, they’re probably right and he’s definitely being unreasonable. But he doesn’t care. He just doesn’t care. He doesn’t care and he doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t want to hear any of what they’re trying to say. 

Right now, he just wants to escape. 

And so he does, storming out of the restaurant even as his friends uselessly call after him. 

It’s not until he’s back in his apartment all alone that he finally allows himself to weep.


	3. Chapter 3

Kihyun and Hoseok’s first day of their Westworld vacation is peaceful, slow and stretched out in the best possible way, and they don’t run into any other guests or any hosts as they ride through the first stretch of desert with no particular destination in mind, just moving forward at a relaxed pace on their single horse, enjoying the warm sun on their faces and the dry, gentle wind in their hair. It’s hot, but not uncomfortably so, and they can feel the rays of sunlight soaking into their skin, the sound of birds and wildlife like music all around them as they ride out far beyond the dusty dirt roads outside of Sweetwater, further and further from the bustle of civilization, breathing air so clean and pure that Kihyun feels revitalized, _reborn_ with each breath he takes. 

Soon, they find themselves riding across the flattened top of a spectacular canyon, the sand thick and deep gold, Hoseok getting a little nervous from his fear of heights and insisting that they don’t ride too close to the edge, while Kihyun just enjoys the view, the valley carved below a rainbow of vibrant colors and the water from the river that runs through it sparkling in the sunlight. 

They’ll eventually make their way down there at some point, but for now, seeing it all laid out like this, untouched, uncorrupted nature at its most glorious and powerful, it’s sublime. And Kihyun knows it’s not real, but it feels so much like the real thing that Kihyun gets a little weepy, having never gotten to see anything like this ever in the outside world. 

He leads the horse to stop so that they can truly admire it, truly take it all in, and as he’s looking out into the expanse of the canyon with wet eyes, Hoseok hugs him from behind and rests his chin on Kihyun’s shoulder, and he rests his hands on top of Kihyun’s on the knob at the front of the saddle, and Kihyun doesn’t think he’s ever felt so at peace. 

It feels like the whole world is opened up to them, opened up _for_ them, calling out to them and inviting them forward with open arms. And it’s so different from the urban, corporate world that they’re both used to, all glass and steel and closed-in space, all rules and politics, defined limits and harsh realities. 

When they’re here, it’s like they can finally be free. 

They stay there a few more precious moments before continuing on, and soon they’re leaving dry desert and riding over a stretch of rolling green hills, over tall, wild grass that dances in the breeze and fills the air with fresh and earthy fragrance. They chit-chat as they go, point out interesting sights to each other, murmur sweet nothings, laugh and make silly jokes, talk about their wedding plans. But mostly, they just enjoy it all in comfortable silence. And every now and then, Hoseok will lean forward and nudge the side of Kihyun’s face with his nose from behind, give Kihyun a gentle kiss on his cheek, and Kihyun will nearly lose his balance in surprise, flustered and sending both of them into fits of soft laughter. 

Late in the afternoon, they stop for a picnic in a field of wildflowers, dozens of different colors and sweet fragrances all blended together into something that makes it feel like the air itself is kissing them all over. They spread out a large blanket on the ground and once comfortably sat, enjoy a bottle of wine with fresh fruit, and Hoseok’s got one arm slung around Kihyun while Kihyun rests against Hoseok with his head pillowed on Hoseok’s chest, his hands absentmindedly stroking Hoseok’s torso and stomach. 

As they relax, they both spot a small rabbit slipping into its burrow in the distance. It’s not a real rabbit, they know that, but it’s adorable all the same, and Kihyun can’t help but grin and giggle. 

“It looks like you,” Kihyun says, laughing. He looks up and Hoseok scrunches his nose cutely, very much like a rabbit, and Kihyun leaves a gentle kiss at his throat before nuzzling back into his chest. 

They talk more now that they’re sitting down, about everything and about nothing. They’ve known each other for so many years, and are going to be getting married soon, going to be spending the rest of their lives together, and yet, they still haven’t run out of things to talk about, still haven’t gotten over the simple pleasure of just enjoying each other’s company, and Kihyun highly doubts that they ever will. 

Neither of them wants to move even as their food and wine run out and the sun begins to sink low in the sky, and so they decide to spend the night in this beautiful spot. And they get to have a perfect view when the sun sets over that magnificent field of wildflowers, the sky lit up like an oil painting in orange, red, purple, blue, gold, and a million shades in between. 

Kihyun wishes he could imprint the sight onto the backs of his eyelids, wishes he could live in this moment forever, slightly drunk from the wine and his whole mouth sweet with the taste of fruit, seeing this heavenly sight as he lies there pressed up against Hoseok’s body, basking in Hoseok’s warmth and strength, their love saturating the space around them for miles and miles, two souls alone together in the desert, separate from everything and everyone that’s ever hurt them or caused them sorrow. 

They stay there all tangled up in each other even as the sky darkens further and the first few stars start to flicker across the indigo sky. It’s only after what feels like hours that they reluctantly detangle, then get to work to prepare for their evening there. Hoseok works to get a fire going nearby while Kihyun sets up their bed for the night, a large flat sheet (the ground soft and warm and comfortable enough that it’s all that they’ll need beneath them), a pile of thick, cozy blankets to fight off the evening chill, and a large, down pillow for them to share. 

Once they finish setting up, they both strip naked and crawl into their makeshift bed together, the fire roaring a few feet away, a comforting orange glow against the inky darkness, and they immediately snuggle closer for warmth, Hoseok lying on his back and Kihyun curled up at his side, resting his head on Hoseok’s chest again, with Hoseok’s arm curled protectively around his shoulders. What can he say, Hoseok’s chest is his favorite pillow, and Kihyun never gets tired of running his fingertips over Hoseok’s smooth, pale skin and firm muscles, never gets tired of hearing and feeling Hoseok’s heartbeat beneath his cheek. 

They both look up at the sky, now sparkling with millions of stars and a full, bright moon, and they breathe in the cool night air together in absolute contentment. It’s all just too perfect, and when a comet shoots brilliantly across the sky in a gorgeous, glittering arch, Kihyun can’t help but to turn and nuzzle his whole face in Hoseok’s chest, sighing loudly in happiness and wrapping both of his arms around Hoseok’s waist, hugging him tight and kissing softly over his heart. Hoseok laughs, and one of his hands reaches up to pet Kihyun’s hair, over and over again, slowly, and Kihyun nearly falls asleep like that, feeling so protected, so cared for, so adored. 

Eventually, Hoseok detangles himself from Kihyun and with heavy, relaxed limbs, they both turn over and adjust, rolling onto their sides to lie facing each other. And Hoseok is smiling softly, his eyes gentle, as he cups Kihyun’s face in his hands, Kihyun’s hands slipping down to rest at Hoseok’s hips. 

There’s a long moment of silence between them, and they just look at each other in the glow of the fire and under the light of the moon. Hoseok rubs his thumbs over Kihyun’s cheeks like they’re made of glass, and Kihyun’s hands wander lazily up and down the muscles of Hoseok’s back. 

“I love you so much,” Hoseok says, and his eyes are so sincere, so earnest and so full of so many emotions that Kihyun’s breath is stolen away. 

“I love you too,” Kihyun murmurs, his eyes fluttering and his heart racing. He can feel the color rising on his cheeks, overcome with fondness for his fiancé. “More than anything.” 

Hoseok doesn’t respond right away, just looks right into Kihyun’s eyes like he’s trying to memorize every detail, like he’s trying to see right into Kihyun’s soul, as if they don’t already share the same soul. 

“You don’t understand,” Hoseok goes on, and he holds onto Kihyun’s face the way he holds onto Kihyun’s heart. Warm, gentle, reverent. “I can’t live without you.” 

Before Kihyun can say anything, Hoseok closes the distance between them and kisses Kihyun passionately, more passionately than he ever has before, so passionately that Kihyun feels like he could faint, like Hoseok’s love will overwhelm him, swallow him up entirely. 

Hoseok strokes Kihyun’s face over and over as they kiss, and Kihyun’s hands tremble on Hoseok’s back, shake uncontrollably as a thousand different feelings and sensations flow through him. He feels pressure at the backs of his eyes, and he moans into Hoseok’s mouth when he feels Hoseok pressing his body into him, as he squeezes Hoseok tightly and pulls himself in closer to Hoseok’s warm embrace. 

They lie there like that kissing slowly, indulgently for a long, long time, hands running up and down each other’s naked bodies and legs tangling together, pelvises sliding against each other, moaning and growing hot all over, too much and not enough all at once, because it’s been too long since they’ve been together like this, and all they want is to sink into each other’s skin, to feel each other down to every nerve, every cell, every molecule. 

Hoseok urges Kihyun’s body gently and they roll over together, Kihyun lying on his back and Hoseok moving to hover on top of him as they keep kissing, Kihyun’s hands wrapped around Hoseok’s waist and his fingers pressing hard into Hoseok’s shoulder blades, Hoseok’s kisses growing deeper and more intense, and soon, Kihyun can barely stand it, each kiss like pure fire, like flames, hot and bright licking down his throat and stealing the oxygen from his body. 

Hoseok breaks from Kihyun’s lips to kiss over Kihyun’s face and along the line of his jaw and then down his neck, and Kihyun tilts his head, arches his neck to give Hoseok easier access, his eyebrows furrowing and lips parting in pleasure as his gaze shifts back up to the night sky, the sparkle of the white stars against a black canvas blurring into a silvery haze as pleasure starts to overtake his body, the feeling of being pressed skin-to-skin with Hoseok as Hoseok kisses him overwhelming to all of his senses, to his very grasp on reality. Hoseok starts mouthing at his throat, sucking the skin into his mouth as his tongue presses into the pulse point, and Kihyun’s fingers dig hard into Hoseok’s shoulder blades again as he moans, face flushed and body beginning to tremble, goosebumps rising all up and down his arms. 

Hoseok returns to kiss Kihyun’s mouth, their open lips pushing and pulling smoothly against each other and their tongues pressing together with each contact, and they keep kissing over and over even as they move around, even as Hoseok skillfully preps himself and then Kihyun with old-fashioned, sweet-smelling oil, thick and sticky, and even as they carefully adjust their position, Kihyun wrapping his arms around Hoseok’s shoulders and sliding his hands into Hoseok’s hair, Hoseok grabbing hold of Kihyun’s thighs, one in each hand, and maneuvering Kihyun’s legs to wrap securely around his waist, Kihyun crossing his ankles at the small of Hoseok’s back. 

And Kihyun is prepped so well that his entrance is slick and dripping, and he can feel the oil running down the backs and the insides of his thighs. Hoseok rests his forearms down on the ground, on either side of Kihyun’s face for balance and when he finally pushes inside of Kihyun’s body, it’s a glide so smooth and so effortless, that Kihyun can only sob into Hoseok’s mouth at how good it feels, his body taking Hoseok in like it’s the only place that Hoseok is meant to be, Kihyun’s thighs squeezing around Hoseok’s waist tightly out of pure reflex. 

They finally stop kissing and Hoseok rests his forehead against Kihyun’s, both of them shutting their eyes to focus on feeling each other completely. And then, Hoseok begins rocking his hips forward in a slow but deliberate pace, each roll of his pelvis pushing into Kihyun’s body deep and smooth and powerful. And this, Hoseok making love to him under the moonlight in a beautiful field of wildflowers, it’s maybe the most wonderful thing that Kihyun has ever experienced in his life. 

Kihyun clings onto Hoseok as Hoseok continues thrusting in and out of him, their mouths open against each other in silent cries of pleasure, both of them unable to breathe, gasps and moans stuck in their chests, until Hoseok hits one particular spot inside of Kihyun, a spot that has Kihyun seeing white and feeling like he’s been touched by the grace of God, Kihyun yelling out in a loud cry against Hoseok's mouth, tears spilling from the edges of his eyes, and from there Hoseok loses his own hesitation, his own _restraint_ , groaning and grunting as he gradually increases the pace and the power of his thrusts, building up that glorious rhythm, that glorious, rocking pressure until it’s just hit after hit after hit after hit after hit and within moments, they’re both brought to ecstasy in a rush of pure, brilliant heat, a magic that seems to burst from within them and douse the space all around them. 

Kihyun moans as pleasure overtakes him, rolling through him smooth and rich in wave after wave after wave, the contact point of their stomachs made a mess, Kihyun’s entrance warm and soaked from Hoseok’s orgasm, and Hoseok is collapsed on top of him, still inside of him, moaning loudly with his chest heaving as he comes down, Kihyun feeling each breath that Hoseok takes down to his own fingertips and toes like it’s his breath that Hoseok is taking too. 

And when they curl around each other after, exhausted and blissed out, breathing heavily and clinging to each other tightly, Kihyun hears Hoseok’s heartbeat again beneath his cheek, strong and sure and real, and Kihyun feels more alive than he ever has before, alive like the entire universe was made just for the two of them.


	4. Chapter 4

A few days following the upsetting scene with Minhyuk and Hyunwoo at the restaurant, Hoseok is back at the Mesa, the underground operations facility for the Westworld park. He’s a familiar face here by now, and so when he arrives at the Behavior and Diagnostics lab, where the programmers test and analyze the hosts, nobody even acknowledges his presence. Or, at least, that’s what he thinks. He doesn’t see the knowing looks exchanged between the programmers behind his back, because they all know exactly who he is and why he’s here. 

The air in the lab is too chilly, as always, and Hoseok shivers as he walks by all of the workstations. The walls to each workstation room are made of glass, and so every single room is completely transparent; it feels like he’s walking through an aquarium, able to observe the programmers and the hosts working inside each room like they’re all fish on display in tanks. Even the lighting on the entire floor is aquarium-like, a scattering of blue-tinted florescent lights. It makes the labs at the Mesa facility feel distinctly cold and clinical; there’s no warmth or color to be found here, just hard science, numbers, and code. Lots and lots and lots of code. 

Hoseok continues on, searching out his close friend Jooheon, who works here as a programmer. His footsteps are loud and rushed on the smooth, spotless floor, the sound further amplified because everything around him is so quiet. It’s the middle of the work day, and the programmers are all busy at work with different hosts, either preparing to send them out into the park for the first time, or fixing and returning the usuals to ready them for the next cycle of their narrative loops, their programmed stories that they repeat over and over again to please and to entertain the guests. 

In the past year, Hoseok has learned all about how Westworld programs its hosts, and though the hosts are given the opportunity to make small improvisations to their programming based on the behavior of the guests or other events happening around the park (such as new emerging narratives or even changes in the weather), for the most part, the hosts are stuck in the same cycle ad infinitum. Hoseok knows that they’re machines, and yet, he can’t help but feel bad for them. They’re so lifelike, so like real humans, and yet, they have no free will or consciousness, and they have no way of even knowing of what they’ve been deprived of, and how they’ve been created merely for the purpose of being controlled and abused. 

It’s one of the reasons that Hoseok hasn’t sleep well since the incident at the restaurant. Well, the truth is, he hasn’t slept well since...he hasn’t slept well in a very, very long time, but the past few days have been particularly tough. He’s been tossing and turning, thinking about what his friends had said to him, what everyone who had tried to get through to him in recent months had said to him, and his own conflicting thoughts, his rationality warring with his emotions, tormenting him every hour, night and day, like he’s trapped in his own sick kind of narrative loop. 

Needless to say, he’s looking pretty disheveled. His hair is a mess and there are dark circles under his eyes, standing out in sharp contrast to his snow-white skin. And he hasn’t shaved in a few days, either, his face rough with dark stubble. But he thinks it’s actually kind of fitting, that his outer appearance is finally beginning to match how he feels on the inside. After all, he’s no longer the clean-cut, handsome young executive with the glowing smile and the bright eyes. 

Now, he’s just barely hanging on. 

Even so, he thinks he might finally be able to make a decision, about what he should do, but he needs to make sure. That’s why he’s here now, almost a week earlier than he’s supposed to be, because he couldn’t stand to wait any longer. He has to resolve this, once and for all. And he’s terrified, his hands shaking as he taps on the glass of Jooheon’s workstation with his knuckles. 

Jooheon looks up at him from where he had been typing something onto his tablet, and he nods in the direction of the glass door. Jooheon is in the middle of working on a host, the host sitting in a metal chair facing him, the host’s back facing the glass so that Hoseok can’t see its face. Hoseok is thankful for that, and he diligently avoids looking at the host for the moment as he enters the room, because he knows that if he does, he’ll break down, crumble into pieces right here, right now. 

He steps inside the room and circles around to where Jooheon is working at a small desk, and it’s then that he finally brings himself to look at the host that Jooheon’s working on. He knew which host it would be, of course, because Hoseok personally requested that Jooheon be one of the only few allowed to work on it. And this host was customized by Hoseok himself; he had paid millions for its creation, and continues even now to pay for its ongoing maintenance. 

It’s a host perfectly modeled after Kihyun, Hoseok’s fiancé and the love of his life. 

Kihyun, who had died almost a year ago, just before they were about to be married. 

It had been a terrible car accident, a drunk driver and a slick, icy backroad late at night. And Kihyun had actually made it to the hospital, but had died about thirty minutes later, bones shattered and body soaked in blood, with Hoseok weeping uncontrollably and clutching onto Kihyun’s lifeless hands as Kihyun took his last breaths, as all of the color drained from his face and the light left his eyes. 

And Hoseok, well, to say that he had been devastated would be an understatement. He was _destroyed_ , inconsolable, irrevocably broken. At the time, he had nearly followed Kihyun to the other side, and had to be constantly monitored by his friends and colleagues for several weeks following the accident, everyone too afraid to leave him on his own. And he had resented them all, back then. Yes, he knew that they cared about him, but didn’t they understand that his life had no meaning or purpose anymore? How could he possibly go on without Kihyun? 

It was soon after another attempt on his own life, one where he had nearly succeeded and had ended up hospitalized for two weeks, that he had had the idea. A way to bring Kihyun back from the dead. 

And so, as soon as he was discharged from the hospital and allowed to go back home (with his vitals monitored at all times and an emergency medical team on standby 24/7...that’s what being a high-level executive of a multibillion-dollar company gets you whether you like it or not) he had begun to work his connections. 

The thing was, Delos management didn’t usually allow for customized hosts within the park (it was too difficult to work customized hosts into already existing narrative loops), nor did they ever let any hosts leave the park for private use, as the intellectual property of their code was far too valuable to risk letting the employees take it home with them. But Hoseok had all of the privilege that came along with being so high up the corporate ladder and having a strong legacy of connection to Delos and its interests, and so they had allowed it for him as a special exception, with the condition that the host stay in the park and that Hoseok personally fund its creation and maintenance. 

And so, the Kihyun host had been created under his guidance and strict supervision. 

He had spent months with the designers and manufacturers at the Mesa, using samples of Kihyun’s DNA to create an exact physical replica of Kihyun down to the dimples high on his cheeks and the tiny beauty mark right above his lips. His weight, his height, the structure of his skeleton, the blood in his body, it was all recreated, perfect in every single way. 

Kihyun’s personality, however...that part was trickier. _Much_ trickier. Coding in Kihyun’s unique character and memories proved to be a herculean task, and there were many programmers who stormed out in frustration along the way, accusing Hoseok of being insane and delusional, and yelling at Hoseok to move on with his life rather than try to do something so impossible as using a host to recreate a real person. They had been fired, naturally, for speaking to a high-level executive so crassly like that, and a few of these incidents even ended in fistfights (telling Hoseok to “get over it” or muttering under their breath that he just needed to get laid again and he’d forget all about Kihyun was absolutely unacceptable, and _how dare they_ ). 

But Hoseok knew Kihyun inside and out, knew him as well as he knew himself, and with Hoseok’s persistence and patience, and with the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of fidelity tests to ensure that every tiny detail was accurate, testing the host’s cognition and improvisation over and over and over again to make sure it acted, reacted, and behaved exactly the same way the real Kihyun would, they managed a miracle. They were finally able to create a host that was, in all intents and purposes, identical to the real thing. 

It was Kihyun, brought back to life from Hoseok’s memories. 

Once the host was ready, Hoseok began visiting Westworld several times a month. Rather than giving the Kihyun host a new narrative loop or even no loop at all, the Kihyun host was coded in a narrative loop so as to relive that pre-honeymoon trip to Westworld that they had taken together just before Kihyun had died, because that was the happiest that both of them had ever felt in their entire lives. 

To maintain that particular loop, it required that the Kihyun host’s memory be wiped and rebuilt each time, and so Hoseok was constantly at the Mesa facility performing fidelity tests to make sure that the Kihyun host would continue to behave exactly like the real thing, so Hoseok could experience over and over again his six days with Kihyun out in the park exactly like he remembered them. 

And the amount of time and energy that went into it, well, it was like having a second full-time job, and naturally, his position at his real work suffered as a result, and everyone around him was growing increasingly concerned, and then increasingly agitated at what he was doing. His career, his friendships, his prospects for the future, his entire life was standing on shaky ground, but he didn’t care about any of that anymore, not one bit. Visiting Westworld with the Kihyun host became an obsession, Hoseok more than willing to sacrifice everything just for the chance to be with Kihyun again. 

And it was always worth it. 

The Kihyun host was just so beautiful, so perfect and lifelike. Everything about it was perfect, from its soft skin to its honey voice to its sweet, cherry lips and its adorable, boisterous laugh. Like the real Kihyun, the host was clever and witty, playful and mischievous, but also so kind and so caring, so affectionate and so full of deep, profound wisdom. Even lovemaking with the Kihyun host was a perfect recreation of the real thing, the Kihyun host just as sensitive, just as responsive to Hoseok’s kisses and Hoseok’s touch, just as sublime when lost in passion, every detail perfect down to the quivering of the host’s thighs when Hoseok would push himself inside of the host’s tight little body and the sounds that the Kihyun host would make, lovelier than any music, as it climaxed. 

And when they were in Westworld together, all alone just the two of them, whether they were riding through the canyons or exploring the caves or kissing under the stars, it was like the accident had never happened. It was like they had gone back in time, and they were going to be married soon, and they were about to start the rest of their lives together, only boundless happiness, contentment, and peace in their future. 

But now, it’s like Hoseok is being awoken from a vivid fever dream, like he’s suddenly being yanked out of his rosy fantasies and waking up soaked in a cold sweat after being deeply asleep for days, because he’s only now realizing the gravity of what he’s done, the horrible thing that he’s done. 

He’s made a terrible, terrible mistake. 

As Jooheon continues making some adjustments on his tablet, Hoseok looks at the Kihyun host just sitting there on the small metal chair, and the lump in Hoseok’s throat is growing bigger, denser. He feels almost paralyzed in distress, anxious, suddenly sick to his stomach, his head throbbing and his chest tight. The host is powered down in sleep mode, and so it just stares blankly into empty space, its eyes open and expression neutral, like a doll on display, its hands resting delicately in its lap, its head tilted slightly to the side as if it’s lost in thought, pondering some strange curiosity. 

The host is completely naked, as all hosts are when they receive their maintenance. It’s the only way to perform full check-ups and to ensure that everything, _everything_ is in working order. It’s part of the reason why Hoseok would only allow his closest friends to work on the Kihyun host, to be so...intimately familiar with Kihyun’s body so as to properly perform their work. And he always knew that it was uncomfortable for them, because they had all been Kihyun’s friends too, but he just hadn’t cared until now about any of them, about their feelings. And when they had all seen the manic look in his eyes, all of them afraid for his sanity, trying to be accommodating, just thankful that he wasn’t trying to off himself anymore, they had done whatever he had asked of them, done everything necessary to bring the Kihyun host to life and to keep it functioning properly. And Hoseok only now realizes what an awful thing he’s done to subject them all to that. He’s brought Kihyun back to life for himself, sure, but to all of them, it’s like he’s turned their beloved friend into an object, a _project_ that they’re forced to work on. 

And as for Kihyun himself, what Hoseok has done to him is unforgiveable, he realizes. Kihyun’s modesty, his privacy, his autonomy over his own body, it’s all long, long gone. And Kihyun’s mind, his innermost thoughts and secrets, his deepest desires and fears, all of those little things that he only ever shared with Hoseok, that he only ever _trusted_ with Hoseok, have been broken down into code and analyzed to their essence, tested and retested and refined and repeated over and over again, every little bit of every little thing that made up who Kihyun was exposed to everyone who has ever worked on the Kihyun host. And Hoseok hates himself for not realizing it sooner, for not realizing how he had betrayed Kihyun, how he had _violated_ him without even realizing it, and for not realizing that he’s a monster for everything that he’s done, for ever even thinking that this would be acceptable. 

And perhaps the worst part of it all is that none of it, not one bit of it has brought him any real peace or happiness. All of the awful, unspeakable things that Hoseok has done, to himself, to his friends, to Kihyun, it was all for nothing, because it’s only made Kihyun’s loss more painful, more unbearable, because for every moment of sweetness that Hoseok had shared with the Kihyun host, for every brief moment of happiness when he had felt like he could almost, _almost_ forget what had happened, there was the ensuing dread, the brutal realization like being doused in ice water, that none of it was real, and that the real Kihyun, the real Kihyun whom he had loved and cherished with his entire heart and mind and body and soul, was gone, and that he wasn’t ever coming back, and that Hoseok doing what he was doing, what he still _is_ doing, was selfish and, above all else, cruel to the person whom he loved and still loves more than anything else in the world. 

And if there‘s one thing that Hoseok can’t do, can’t _live_ with, it’s the thought that he’s hurt Kihyun, that in his overwhelming grief and desperation, he subjected Kihyun to a fate worse than death. 

And looking at the Kihyun host right now, looking at how Kihyun’s likeness is trapped in this...this...this fucking _aquarium_ , Hoseok has to bite down hard into his lower lip to stop himself from collapsing to the floor and screaming. He’s trembling again, the pressure of tears pushing at the backs of his eyes and building up at the corners of his eyelids, and his throat just barely containing a thick, heavy sob threatening to escape with each breath. He feels sick, the room starting to spin around him and Jooheon’s voice calling to him distant and distorted. 

“Hyung,” Jooheon is saying, carefully, attuned to Hoseok’s obvious distress. “Hyung? Hyung?” 

Hoseok gives his head a little shake to snap himself out of it, the solid world forming back around him in a rush, and he turns to look at Jooheon, and Jooheon winces a little when they make eye contact. Hoseok knows he must look truly unhinged. 

“Are you ready for the tests?” Jooheon asks quietly. He’s fiddling with his tablet, is clearly afraid to even look at the Kihyun host right now or to even mention his name. 

Hoseok doesn’t respond, just moves past Jooheon to retrieve another metal chair on the other side of the room. As Jooheon watches him, concern and anxiety etched into his normally easygoing features, Hoseok takes the chair and places it right in front of the Kihyun host, then sits down to face him. And up close like this, the Kihyun host looks incredibly vulnerable, delicate, innocent, receptive. Hoseok feels the nausea churning violently in his stomach as he takes in the wide eyes and the gentle smile, so familiar and yet, in this context, so upsetting. 

Hoseok grips tightly onto the fabric at his knees, and he wouldn’t be surprised if he tore through it, he’s gripping it so hard. Behind him, he can hear Jooheon leave the room, ready to give Hoseok his privacy as Hoseok performs the maintenance and fidelity tests for probably the hundred-millionth time now, the sound of the door closing deafeningly loud in the uncomfortable silence. 

Hoseok takes a deep, deep breath, and takes a long moment to collect himself before he begins. 

“Bring yourself back online, Kihyun,” he says, his voice thick and strained. 

And then, the Kihyun host comes to life. It blinks twice, its pretty eyelashes brushing over its doll-like pink cheeks, and it looks forward right at Hoseok. When their eyes meet, Hoseok’s breath catches in his chest. The Kihyun host smiles brightly. 

“Hoseok,” it says, voice quiet but cheerful. “I’m so happy to see you.” 

Hoseok stiffens in his chair, frowns. He fidgets as he feels his chin starting to quiver. “Do you know where you are, Kihyun?” he asks, and it takes every bit of effort to keep his voice steady. 

The Kihyun host doesn’t answer right away, just keeps looking at him with those beautiful, soft eyes. It tilts its head slightly in realization as understanding flickers through its expression, and its lips part slightly as it ponders. 

“I’m in a dream,” the Kihyun host says, its eyes lighting up like it solved a particularly difficult puzzle. It’s a look that Hoseok knows all too well, the real Kihyun always so alert and curious, always thinking about the world around him, always analytical and so, so intelligent. It's an expression that Hoseok had spent weeks perfecting down to its tiniest details. The shine in the eyes, the barely-there quirk of the lips, the slight tilt to the head. Perfect. 

“That’s right,” Hoseok replies. “You’ll be able to wake up soon. I just have a few questions to ask you. Is that alright?” 

The Kihyun host blinks slowly, looks at him with confidence, reacting exactly as the real Kihyun would. There’s just one more thing that needs to happen first... 

“But I don’t want to wake up,” the Kihyun host says, voice gentle. 

“Why not?” Hoseok replies, but he already knows the answer. They’ve had this exact conversation hundreds of times, after all. For fidelity. 

“Because I like being here. With you,” the host replies. 

Hoseok’s chin quivers again, because it’s perfect. Of course it is. Even the way it looks at him as it speaks, every tiny movement, every micro-expression, the affection in its eyes, and the slightly open mouth. Perfect fidelity. Hoseok swallows, then continues with the script. 

“You’ll be with me when you wake up, too,” Hoseok says. “And it will be even better than a dream, because it will be real. How does that sound?” 

The Kihyun host smiles again. “That sounds wonderful,” the host says. “Perfect.” And Hoseok holds his breath, because he knows exactly what the next line is. 

“I can’t wait to see you, Hoseok.” the host says. 

Hoseok’s heart clenches painfully. It wouldn’t be the first time that he burst into tears during one of these tests. It’s happened often enough that he already knows exactly how the Kihyun host would react to it. But he’s not feeling like he could handle that, not this time. This time, he needs to keep it together, get through the tests as quickly as possible so that he can go home and make up his mind about the question weighing so heavily on his conscience. He swallows again, can feel the lump still growing in his throat, and then he continues, not able to look the host in the eye. Instead, his gaze slips down to the floor, to his own feet. The floor is perfectly clean, so clean that Hoseok can see his own haggard reflection. The real Kihyun would have been satisfied. 

“This will be over quickly,” Hoseok says. “Are you ready?” 

He looks up and into the eyes of the Kihyun host, his heart breaking over and over again at its innocence, its purity, its clear and obvious love for him that he doesn’t deserve. But he has to keep a straight face. If he starts losing it, if he starts breaking down, then the script will go off in an entirely different direction that Hoseok just can’t handle. He gives the Kihyun host a weak, forced smile, hopes that it’s convincing enough for them to move on without the Kihyun host prying any further. 

To Hoseok’s relief, the Kihyun host nods. “Yes,” it says. “I’m ready.” 

The Kihyun host then fidgets a little in its seat, sits up a little straighter and lifts its chin up slightly, focused and well-prepared, exactly as expected. Hoseok sniffs in place of a sob, the pressure pounding in his head threatening to open the floodgates at any moment. He begins again. 

“Tell me, Kihyun,” Hoseok says. “Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality?” 

“No,” the host says. 

“Can you tell me what you’re thinking about right now?” Hoseok asks. “What’s going on in your life?” 

The host lights up again, smiles its bright and glowing smile. A faint, rosy pink splashes across its cheeks, and Hoseok can hear the happiness in its soft sigh, the sound like sunshine made tangible. Even here, even now, it’s breathtaking to behold, and Hoseok is still so in love with Kihyun that it’s physically painful. 

“We’re going on a trip together, you and I,” the Kihyun hosts says. “We’re getting married soon, and we wanted to spend some time alone, just the two of us. We’ve been so busy with work, but you made this happen for us. You know how much I’ve always wanted to go to Westworld.” 

The Kihyun host pauses, looks off into the distance like he’s daydreaming for a moment, then looks back at Hoseok, reaching to take Hoseok’s hand in his. And even though Hoseok knew it would happen (because it happens every single time) he still feels his heart stop, then beat twice as fast at the feeling of Kihyun’s soft, gentle hand holding his own so lovingly. 

“You made this happen for me, Hoseok,” the Kihyun hosts says. He gives Hoseok’s hand a light squeeze. “I’m so blessed to be with you. I love you more than anything, Hoseok.” 

Hoseok doesn’t respond, just looks into the eyes of the Kihyun host. They’re exactly the same as Kihyun’s had been, the same shade of warm, rich brown, the same twinkle, the same magic he used to get lost in every time. And for a moment, Hoseok is lost in them once again, taken back to the past when he was looking at the real thing. 

“You have my heart and my soul, always,” the Kihyun host says. He brings his other hand to rest on Hoseok’s face, strokes a thumb over Hoseok’s cheek and Hoseok feels hypnotized, too many mixed emotions flowing through him at once. 

“I love you, Hoseok,” the Kihyun host says. ”I love you so much. I want to always be with you. You make me so happy.” 

They’re sitting only inches apart from one another, and Hoseok feels like he can see past the host’s eyes, can see the code, the programming working in the host’s mind. And yet, even now, it doesn’t feel like he’s looking at a machine. It feels like Kihyun’s really right there with him, which is why he doesn’t resist when the Kihyun host leans in closer, their noses touching and his candy lips brushing right over Hoseok’s as he keeps speaking and stroking Hoseok’s face with care. 

“I love you,” the host says, whispers. “I love you. I love you.” 

Hoseok’s eyes flutter shut instinctively as the Kihyun host kisses him, light, sweet, chaste, lovely. He loses himself in it and, as always, Hoseok allows himself only a few moments to enjoy it as they kiss, once, twice, three times, the Kihyun host’s lips so warm, moving so perfectly against his own. It’s when he feels the host’s warm, wet tongue pressing at his mouth that he finally breaks away, turning his head roughly and standing up in one motion, turning his back to the Kihyun host and slamming his hands loudly against the glass wall, slamming them so hard that the whole room tremors. 

He leans on his forearms, head hanging down, hair hanging in his eyes, and now the tears are coming out fast and steady, dripping down his cheeks and onto the floor like perfect little raindrops. His face crumples as he cries, because he‘s always been a messy, ugly crier, and it hurts so much, like the life is being squeezed out of him, his head pounding ruthlessly as he sobs. 

And he knows what’s going to happen now, and it was exactly what he was trying to avoid. He hears the Kihyun host stand up and start to approach him. The Kihyun host then wraps its arms around Hoseok’s waist, hugging him from behind as it rests its forehead on the back of Hoseok’s neck. He can feel the heat of the host’s naked skin pressed against his back even through his thin shirt. 

“Hoseok, what's wrong? What is it?” the host asks. It nuzzles the back of Hoseok’s neck briefly before squeezing Hoseok’s waist in a soft embrace, locking its hands closed at Hoseok’s navel. Hoseok is still arched over, and his hands curl on the glass, then slide down as he stands up straight, looks up at the ceiling in a pathetic attempt to reign back the tears. 

Then, in a fast and harsh rush of emotion, he reaches down and pries the Kihyun host’s hands off of him, turning around to face it once again with a tight hold on the host’s wrists, one in each hand so it won’t move. 

The Kihyun host is startled, its eyes wide and its lips parted in surprise, and it’s enough for Hoseok to break again. He releases the host’s wrists, then whimpers and brings his hands up to cover his face as he cries again, his whole body shaking, chest heaving as he sobs. And he’s unsurprised but heartbroken nonetheless when he feels the Kihyun host’s small, soft hands pulling at his arms and murmuring his name over and over again. 

“Freeze all motor functions,” Hoseok says quickly, pulling out of the host’s hold and lowering his hands from his face, and the Kihyun host has gone completely still, frozen like a statue, it’s hands open in mid-air from where it was tugging at Hoseok‘s sleeves. 

“Go sit down,” Hoseok goes on. He sniffs and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. “And forget what just happened.” 

The Kihyun host complies, going back to sit on the small metal chair. It waits patiently for Hoseok to return to his own chair, and when Hoseok sits down, eyes red and face blanched from his crying, the Kihyun host looks at him, terribly worried. 

“Hoseok? What’s wrong?” it asks, and again, it’s reaching for his hand. Hoseok doesn’t respond and the Kihyun host starts to become distressed, asking for him over and over again, squeezing his hand and stubbornly refusing to let go. It reaches for Hoseok’s face with both hands and strokes his cheeks again, wiping fresh tears away with its thumbs and cooing at him, telling him that everything will be okay, that he’ll take care of him, that he loves him. As if everything isn’t already a catastrophe, as if the real Kihyun isn’t long, long gone, as if Hoseok still deserves to be loved. 

“Enough of this,” Hoseok snaps. “Limit emotional affect. Cognition only.” 

The Kihyun host’s expression goes completely blank, and it sits back in its chair, lowering its arms to rest at its sides. It looks ahead into empty space, doesn’t even move as Hoseok gets up from his chair and kneels right in front of the host, on his knees and at eye-level with the host’s soft belly. Hoseok wraps his arms around the host’s waist and buries his face in the host’s lap, weeping. The host doesn’t move, not until Hoseok stutters out a rushed “reset” command, muffled by the soft skin of the Kihyun host’s thighs. 

There’s a momentary pause, and then Hoseok can feel the host’s hands in his hair, stroking him softly, running his fingers through the strands the way the real Kihyun used to when they’d lie in bed together, draped all over each other in a pile of warm limbs. Hoseok’s hair used to be soft and shiny back then. Now, it’s just a lusterless mess, but even so, the Kihyun host has tangled his fingers inside and strokes soothingly. 

“It’s alright, it’s alright,” the host murmurs, and Hoseok squeezes his eyes shut as he hugs the host’s waist tighter. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll take care of you.” 

At that, Hoseok lifts his face, chin resting on the host’s lap, and he looks up and into the host’s eyes, his heart racing as the host reaches down to stroke Hoseok’s cheek with its thumb. “I should’ve taken care of you, Kihyun,” Hoseok says, eyes shaking, darting all over the host’s face. “I shouldn’t have done this to you.” 

Hoseok sobs again, bites down into his lower lips and shuts his eyes just as fresh tears roll out from the corners. “I’m so sorry, Kihyun.” 

He’s breathing heavier, almost wheezing with grief, but the host doesn’t respond. Of course it doesn’t, it has no idea what Hoseok is talking about. After all, it’s programmed to ignore any reference to the real Kihyun or the gilded but terrible fantasy that Hoseok has created for the two of them. 

“I know that this won’t sound like anything to you,” Hoseok continues, looking up and into the Kihyun host’s eyes again. Its head is tilted once more, perplexed, but its eyes are glittering so beautifully under the lights that they calm Hoseok’s trembling heart. “But I did a terrible thing to you, Kihyun, an awful thing that can’t be undone.” 

Hoseok sighs deeply, eyebrows furrowed as more hot tears streak down his face. “I did this to you, Kihyun, the one I loved,” Hoseok says, “the one I’ll _always_ love, more than I love myself, or anything else.” 

Hoseok doesn’t break eye contact even as host looks right at him, right _through_ him. And he knows that the host isn’t taking in any of this, that he might as well be talking to himself, but Hoseok feels like...no, he _knows_ that he needs to say this, and that somehow, somewhere, the real Kihyun might be able to hear him. 

“I was so overcome with my grief at losing you,” Hoseok goes on, “that I didn’t think. I was selfish, and desperate, and I just wanted you back.” 

Hoseok chuckles bitterly, his vision blurred. The host strokes Hoseok’s face and Hoseok’s heart shatters all over again. “I just wanted you back,” Hoseok repeats. “I missed you so much, so terribly. I couldn’t go on without you.” 

The Kihyun host’s hand slides from Hoseok’s cheek to beneath his chin, and he slowly tilts Hoseok’s face upwards, and even though the host has no idea what Hoseok is saying, Hoseok knows that it’s meant to be a comforting gesture, maybe even a forgiving one. When the host’s hand moves back to cup Hoseok’s face at his cheek, Hoseok reaches his own hand up to rest on top of the host’s, and he squeezes it gently, his head tilting slightly, leaning into the host’s touch. 

“I still can’t go on without you,” Hoseok says. “My life is in shambles. I always needed you, Kihyun, and I still need you now. But not like this.” 

For the first time in a long while, Hoseok feels resolve, feels strength, the words he’s been needing to say coming to his mind so naturally. He had tossed and turned at night for weeks, hadn’t slept because he hadn’t been able to admit it all to himself. But now, when he’s facing Kihyun, when he’s saying this all to Kihyun instead of to himself, the words come so easily, and he knows that it’s because it’s the real Kihyun he’s talking to right now. 

“What I did was wrong,” Hoseok says. “And I know that I can’t do anything about it now, but I’m so sorry, and I regret it all. I was so, so wrong. Not just for what I did, but for lying to myself about it for so long, for trying to justify it because I was so heartbroken. I’m sorry for everything, Kihyunnie.” 

Hoseok sighs, and with it, like a release of pressure, more tears ease out as he smiles weakly. “I just hope that, wherever you are now, you can forgive me, for being such an idiot,” Hoseok murmurs. “I don’t deserve it, but I love you so much, Kihyun. You’re my whole world, and I love you so much that even now, it consumes me. I see and feel you everywhere, in everything.” 

The Kihyun hosts keeps looking at him, unresponsive, almost as if it’s in sleep mode, and Hoseok continues, because his words are not for the host anyway. “I’ve decided now that I’m going to make this right,” Hoseok says. “I’ll do the best that I can to fix this. And we’ll be together again soon, for real, if you’ll have me back.” 

At that, Hoseok takes the host’s hand on his face in his own and lowers it gently. He unwinds his other hand from around the host’s waist and scoots forward, sitting back on his knees so that he’s nearly eye level with the host, Hoseok’s face just slightly beneath the host’s from this angle, his hands moving up to cup the host’s soft cheeks between them. And the host is responding to him again, its eyes wide and alive, sparkling like stars. 

“I love you so much, Kihyunnie,” Hoseok says, breathless. He pulls the host’s face down to his own, and their lips meet in a soft kiss, both of them tilting their heads for a smooth, perfect fit. 

As they kiss, slow and sweet and warm, soft, idyllic images start to flicker through Hoseok’s mind, and he remembers his last kiss with the real Kihyun. 

It was the morning of the accident, and the sun had been light and warm through the curtains, kissing their bare skin through a wide split in the curtains. Their lovemaking the night before had been particularly romantic and particularly intense, and they had fallen asleep still completely naked and all tangled together, curled into each other under the blankets. 

Kihyun had woken up first, carefully detangled himself from Hoseok as he began to get ready to leave for work. Hoseok had pretended to still be asleep the entire time, waited patiently as Kihyun dressed and washed up and gathered his things for the day. 

Just before Kihyun was going to leave, he had returned to the bed, leaning down to give Hoseok a soft kiss on the forehead. And Hoseok had timed it perfectly; just when Kihyun was within reach, Hoseok had quickly rolled onto his back, wrapped his arms around Kihyun’s waist and pulled him down into the bed, Kihyun flustered and then laughing as Hoseok kissed him all over his face, his cheeks, his forehead. 

They had wrestled briefly until they were both breathing heavily, their faces flushed, and Kihyun was on top of Hoseok, balanced on his forearms on either side of Hoseok’s face. They had looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment, taking it all in and both of them smiling wide, glowing and exuberant. And then, Hoseok had reached up for Kihyun’s face and pulled him down into a deep kiss, a kiss made of pure light and pure love. 

And Hoseok had felt so happy, in that moment. He had felt so truly, truly happy, like he was the luckiest person in the entire universe, so in love and so blessed that it was overwhelming, and he wanted to always be overwhelmed. With Kihyun, by Kihyun. Everything was Kihyun, every moment he lived, every breath he took was _Kihyun_ , was the two of them _together_. 

Now, it all feels like a distant dream. 

He breaks apart gently from the Kihyun host, still holding its face in his hands and he gets one last look into those deep, beautiful eyes. Those eyes that he last saw on that lovely, sunny morning. 

He wonders what would have happened if they hadn’t shared that final, sweet kiss, if Hoseok had just gone back to sleep. Kihyun wouldn’t have been fifteen minutes late to work, and then he wouldn’t have had to stay those few extra minutes in the office that day. And then, maybe he wouldn’t have been on the road at the same time as that reckless driver. 

Maybe...maybe...maybe. 

It’s no use wondering now, and so Hoseok wonders for the last time. He gives the host a small smile, the ghost of its kiss still lingering on his lips just as that last kiss with the real Kihyun has always lingered since that fateful morning. 

“May you rest in a deep and dreamless slumber,” Hoseok whispers. 

The host blinks, its eyes flutter shut, and it goes still in its chair. The lab is quiet, and feels emptier than ever before. 

Hoseok leaves.


	5. Chapter 5

On the first morning that Kihyun and Hoseok wake up in Westworld, Kihyun awakens before sunrise to make them breakfast. 

The sky is still a deep, green-gray and the grass beneath them is damp with dew, birds singing their first songs of the day as the world wakes up with them. The blankets are warm and dry from their shared body heat all night, and Kihyun carefully detangles himself from beneath Hoseok’s thick arm thrown over his waist, extra careful not to wake him as he sits up and stretches his arms. 

Kihyun stifles a yawn with the back of his hand, blinks as he looks around at all of the quiet beauty surrounding them. He feels so refreshed, like he had slept for an entire year. And when he turns to look at Hoseok, he grins, because Hoseok, despite all of his strength and his prominent muscles, looks so much like a baby when he sleeps, so innocent. Kihyun’s heart warms at the sight. 

He crawls over to his bag and starts digging around for some spare clothes. Once he gets up and gets dressed, he heads over to a small creek nearby to wash up and to brush his teeth, his reflection drowsy but satisfied staring back at him. 

When he’s finished, he returns to their little camp and begins preparing food and coffee, humming quietly to himself and enjoying the cool morning mist as he works. It’s just as the sun is beginning to rise that Hoseok awakens, and the first thing that he does is to sneak up behind Kihyun, still buck-naked, and hug him from behind, littering the back of Kihyun’s neck and shoulders with wet kisses as Kihyun squeals in surprise, nearly dropping the pan with all of their food. Hoseok just laughs at Kihyun’s reaction, hugs Kihyun tighter before finally letting go. He gives Kihyun’s butt a firm pat before going off to get dressed and washed up, leaving Kihyun a flustered mess as he finishes with the cooking. 

The spend the rest of the morning perched on a few flat boulders as they eat, talk, drink coffee, and watch the sunrise together. 

When the sun starts to climb higher in the sky, they pack up their camp and head off on their horse for the second day of their adventure, riding down to the valley that they had seen the day before from the top of the canyon. There’s a wide, winding river down there, and when they arrive, they can smell and hear the river before they even see it, fresh and crisp and magnificent. 

Hoseok unpacks and cares for their horse and sets up their camp while Kihyun goes to have a look at the water. It’s crystal-clear, glittering in the sunlight, and when Kihyun runs his hand through it, it’s pleasantly cool to the touch, not too cold and not too warm, and there are small fish that he can see darting about beneath the surface. 

He suddenly gets a wild idea and, before he can stop himself, Kihyun’s stripping naked and wading into the river, his clothes left behind in a pile on the sand. 

When he goes deep enough that his feet no longer can reach the bottom, Kihyun takes a breath and lets himself gently sink underwater, lets the river compeltely swallow him up from head to toe. He sinks underwater in place for a few long seconds before swimming upwards and breaking the surface again for air, throwing his head back and letting out a loud yell in happiness, his hair dripping into his eyes and the sunshine warm and soothing on his soaked skin. 

He blinks the moisture out of his eyes and pushes back his wet hair from his forehead, and he can taste the river’s crisp fresh water even all the way on the back of his tongue. And he feels so refreshed, like he’s been washed clean in every sense of the word, treading water for a few moments as he adjusts to the depth of the river and the gentle pull of the current. 

He shouldn’t be surprised when he suddenly feels a pair of strong arms wrapping around his waist from behind, Hoseok always loving to sneak up on him and catch him off guard, but he is surprised, nonetheless. And he jumps a little as Hoseok pulls him in close, because Hoseok is wet and naked too, and Hoseok bites at Kihyun’s ear playfully as Kihyun shrieks with laughter and splashes him, pulling at Hoseok’s arms and desperately trying to wriggle out of his grasp. 

And Kihyun does manage to escape after just a few moments, turning around in Hoseok’s arms, grabbing his face, and kissing him quickly but deeply on the lips, a surprise to startle Hoseok enough that he loosens his hold and allows Kihyun to slip underwater and escape. But it doesn’t matter much, because Hoseok is immediately swimming after Kihyun to catch him again, the two of them falling into a game of chase. 

Hoseok catches Kihyun again just a few yards away, kissing the side of Kihyun’s face as he wraps his arms tightly around Kihyun’s arms and torso so that Kihyun can’t move, locking his hands together right at Kihyun’s chest and holding him up above the water as he treads his legs to stay afloat, Kihyun light as a feather in Hoseok’s embrace. It’s adorable, and yes, Kihyun loves the feeling of being chased and of being caught by Hoseok, but he also loves the feeling of being so safe, so protected in those arms. 

But when Hoseok loosens his grip just the slightest bit too much, distracted by mouthing at the side of Kihyun’s neck, Kihyun wriggles his arms free once again, splashes Hoseok in the face behind him, then quickly swims away as Hoseok opens his arms in surprise. This time, Kihyun swims along with the current and gets a nice head-start by the time that Hoseok shakes the water out of his eyes and starts chasing after him. 

They swim along with the current for a long time, Hoseok getting closer and closer with his longer, more powerful strokes, until they reach a small waterfall. Kihyun stops in place, the game of chase completely forgotten, the current gently pounding at his back as it tries to urge him along, and when Hoseok catches up to him, sees what Kihyun is seeing, he gasps. It’s a smooth, gentle drop and there are no rocks or anything to hurt them along the bottom, they can only see clear water, and so Kihyun grabs Hoseok’s hand and the two of them ride safely down the waterfall like a waterslide, the water at the bottom warm and deep enough that they both sink several feet underwater before gently bobbing back up to the surface. 

When they break the surface, they start laughing and splashing at each other again, swimming around in little circles and dipping in and out of the curtains of the waterfall. They soon discover that there’s a small cave hidden behind it, just big enough for them to sit down in together, and so they pass through the sheet of falling water and into the small, enclosed space, their chase forgotten for the time being. 

Inside the little cave, the water is shallow, the surface only reaching their bellies when they sit down carefully on the soft ground to rest. Behind the waterfall like this, it’s cool and dark, and every tiny sound they make echos through the small space like music, the waterfall itself a pleasant, pounding rush in the background. They lean back against the cave wall to rest, and they talk for what feels like hours, until eventually, Hoseok’s arm winds around Kihyun’s waist and Kihyun scoots in closer to lean on Hoseok’s warm, firm side, resting his head comfortably on Hoseok’s shoulder. And for the rest of the afternoon, they doze there, hidden away even within a world where they’re already hidden away. 

It’s almost dinnertime by the time they awaken and return to their little camp, swimming to the bank of the river from the waterfall and then climbing up a small hill to arrive back up where they started. They both feel a little shy walking around on land naked, but Hoseok walks in front of Kihyun, shields his body at least somewhat to protect his modesty until they can dry off and change back into their clothes. 

Kihyun builds them a fire and starts preparing their dinner while Hoseok wanders over again to the river, telling Kihyun that he’ll be right back and scurrying away out of sight before Kihyun can get a straight answer out of him about what he’s up to. When Hoseok doesn’t return after about twenty minutes, Kihyun sighs and goes after him. 

He finds Hoseok far downstream trying (and failing) to catch them fish to eat. Kihyun rolls his eyes and laughs at him, sneaking up behind him and surprising him with a quick kiss on the cheek before joining him in the hunt. And with a bit of teamwork, and a dozen or so attempts, they manage to catch a few fat rainbow trout for Kihyun to expertly clean and cook, the small knife that he had brought with him coming in hand after all. 

They eat together while sitting on a few comfortable boulders and watching the sunset from their little camp, and afterwards, Hoseok begins setting up their bed, but Kihyun doesn’t quite feel ready to go to sleep just yet. So when Hoseok isn’t looking, he slips away, stripping as he goes and throwing his clothes everywhere until he hears Hoseok shout in confusion and then chase after him, and soon they’re right back in the river again, swimming around and playing well into the night. 

There’s just something so wonderful, so freeing about being naked like this, like they’re in the Garden of Eden and at one with nature. Looking back, Kihyun can’t believe that he had once been so insecure, so uncomfortable with his body, and that it had taken him months of dating Hoseok to finally feel confident enough to fully reveal himself when they made love for the first time. 

But Hoseok had always been so loving, so doting and so sweet. It was one of the many things that made their relationship so special, how Hoseok always made him feel so beautiful and so sexy and so safe. And now, Kihyun loves being naked with Hoseok, loves the feeling of being able to trust in him and open up to him, knows that Hoseok loves him so much and will always protect and take care of him. And he especially loves getting to experience that feeling, amplified a thousand times, right here, in the heart of this natural paradise, that feeling that they’re two souls wandering the world in all of its beauty, untethered, unburdened, naked and wild and free and together. 

They play around in the water for a long time, the water much cooler than before, and the sky and moonlight reflecting on its surface is magical, like they’re swimming through the stars. They stop to rest in a shallow area where the water rises only to their chests, and Kihyun shivers a bit, his lips turning blue, and suddenly, Hoseok is reaching for his face with both hands and kissing him deeply, stopping Kihyun’s heart and warming him up all the way to his fingertips and toes. A natural reaction, Kihyun’s hands move to rest on Hoseok’s biceps, the muscles firm and perfectly sculpted, and he squeezes them fondly each time their lips separate and reunite. 

They kiss open-mouthed and hot for a long time, until their lips are raw and swollen and they’re both breathing heavily, panting and moaning into each other’s mouths as they press in close together and their hands wander up and down all over each other’s skin, feeling every plane and curve, smooth and wet and perfect. 

Kihyun’s hands eventually find their way to rest at Hoseok’s nape, and Hoseok’s hands have moved down to wrap around Kihyun’s hips and then further down to squeeze at Kihyun’s ass, and then, they’re suddenly breaking apart, and Hoseok is suddenly scooping Kihyun up by the backs of his thighs, Kihyun jumping up and wrapping his legs around Hoseok’s waist for support, water dripping off of Kihyun’s naked back like streams of glittering diamonds as he breaks the surface, his arms loosely wrapped around Hoseok’s shoulders.

Their eyes meet and they share a heated look, Hoseok’s eyes dark and endlessly deep in the moonlight. It’s the last glimpse of him that Kihyun gets before Hoseok is burying his face in Kihyun’s throat, teeth pressed to soft skin, and adjusting his hold for better leverage as Kihyun’s hands tangle in Hoseok’s hair. 

And Hoseok fucks him like that, holding Kihyun’s weight and thrusting up into him at the same time, and Kihyun just holds on, bouncing slightly from Hoseok’s powerful thrusts and from the bobbing of the water, and for once, he’s free to be as loud as he wants to in that wide-open, empty space, not another soul around for miles, and he cries and moans beautifully with each hit perfectly aimed inside of him. It’s rushed and it’s messy but it’s incredible, and they both climax within seconds of each other, panting and wheezing as the pleasure fizzles out into tiny sparks, and Kihyun curls forward in Hoseok’s hold like a baby, Hoseok’s arms trembling and his chest heaving so deeply that Kihyun moves up and down with Hoseok’s every breath. 

As they come down, and once Kihyun is able to think clearly again, he blinks slowly and sits back in Hoseok’s arms, reaching to take Hoseok’s face in his hands. Cupping Hoseok’s cheeks, he lifts Hoseok’s face gently to make Hoseok look right at him, and when their eyes meet again, Hoseok looks so sleepy and so blissed out beyond belief, his eyes glazed over and his mouth fallen open as he pants, that Kihyun can’t help but laugh. 

Then, before Hoseok has time to process what’s happening, Kihyun pushes against his chest and escapes from his arms with a loud splash back into the water, and he swims away quickly for another chase down the currents of the river. 

They go back and forth, upstream and downstream, until the moon is high in the sky and they’re both finally too exhausted to continue, and when they make it back to dry land, Hoseok carries Kihyun piggyback all the way back to their little camp, Kihyun dozing off with his head resting on the back of Hoseok’s neck. 

When they arrive at their little makeshift bed, the same as the night before, Hoseok gently lowers Kihyun down and helps him into the covers before joining him. It’s slightly chilly out, especially because their hair and their skin are still damp, and so Kihyun presses in close to Hoseok, wrapping his arms around Hoseok’s waist as they cuddle and idly chat. Hoseok smells fresh and clean like the river, and as Kihyun buries his face in Hoseok’s chest, he feels like he never wants to come up for air. 

And they may not be having the kinds of adventures that the designers of Westworld had had in mind, they may not be playing around with the hosts or engaging with the narratives. The truth is, they’re making their own narrative, and enjoying all of the little things that the park has to offer, all of the little things that the other guests often take for granted. The stunning natural beauty that no longer exists in the outside world, the simple pleasure of being with someone you love in complete freedom. That’s what this trip is about for them. They’ll get to the hosts and the narratives later, maybe tomorrow or the next day. But for now, this is all that they want and all that they need. 

They fall asleep some time later, Kihyun curled up safe and protected in Hoseok’s arms. And they sleep so soundly, so deeply, exhausted in the best possible way to the sound of crickets and to the rush of the winding river.


	6. Chapter 6

It's late into the evening, several hours after Hoseok’s unplanned visit to the Behavior and Diagnostics lab, but Jooheon is still there, working hard and making some final adjustments to the Kihyun host in preparation for sending it out into the park a week from now to begin yet another loop of its six-day custom narrative. And though Jooheon, as always, is worried about his friend and disapproving of what he’s doing, he also knows that Hoseok is unstable and fragile without Kihyun, and that they’re all better off just doing whatever Hoseok wants, though Jooheon still holds onto the hope that maybe, with time, Hoseok will be able to go on with his life, because, of course, that’s what the real Kihyun would have wanted. 

And the cruel irony of this entire situation is not lost on Jooheon either. What Hoseok has done, trying to bring Kihyun back from the dead, has only made it harder for him to accept the truth, that Kihyun is really gone, and that no host, no matter how lifelike, will ever bring the real Kihyun back. 

The thing is, Jooheon’s heart hurts terribly for his friend, for the pain that Hoseok is going through, but his heart hurts for himself also, for his own pain still always there from Kihyun’s sudden and tragic loss, because Kihyun was Jooheon’s friend, too, and Jooheon knows that the real Kihyun would be nothing short of heartbroken to see what’s become of his beloved, what Hoseok has done to himself over Kihyun’s death. 

In fact, Jooheon knows for certain that Kihyun would be far more upset about Hoseok’s grief than the fact that Hoseok made a host version of Kihyun against his will. That’s how Kihyun and Hoseok were, that’s the kind of relationship that they had and the way that they cared for each other. Kihyun would say fuck all to his own privacy, wouldn’t even blink over any of this, if it had really brought Hoseok any peace and happiness. But, of course, it hadn’t, it _doesn’t_ , and Hoseok had been suicidal before, yes, but Jooheon thinks that what he’s doing now...it’s like he really _is_ killing himself, just much slower than he may realize. 

But Jooheon also knows that he can’t do anything about it now, that there’s nothing he _can_ do but cycle through his own anxiety over and over again, conflicted about it since the very beginning. He sighs and shakes away those thoughts, reaching for his tablet to complete the final tests with the Kihyun host. He’s a professional, after all, and he has to try to complete the work that was asked of him the best that he can, even if it breaks his heart to do it. 

The host is sitting in the same metal chair as before, though now, thankfully, it’s dressed in its outfit that it’s meant to wear for the narrative with Hoseok, the clothing perfectly replicating that which the real Kihyun had picked out for himself on his real trip with Hoseok all that time ago, the white shirt, the dark suede vest, the dark blazer, the dark trousers, the dark boots, the dark bowtie, the large round glasses, the pocket watch, and the small knife all exactly as before. The host really does look so cute, and so _alive_ with its pink cheeks and bright, wide eyes staring off into space as Jooheon works, adjusting the clothes so that they fit correctly, that Jooheon’s heart aches painfully once again. 

He misses his friend so terribly, and he can only imagine how Hoseok is feeling, how Kihyun’s loss hurt him so much to cause him to, frankly, lose his mind like he has. It’s almost like losing Kihyun _broke_ Hoseok, like it caused an irreparable glitch and fried his wiring, so to speak. Jooheon is a programmer, and he can’t help but think in terms of code, and if he were to describe Hoseok’s current state, he’d say that it’s almost like Hoseok’s had an irreversible system failure from Kihyun dying, a malfunction that can’t possibly be remedied, not by anyone or anything. 

Jooheon sighs again and sits down carefully in the chair across from the Kihyun host, exactly where Hoseok had been sitting just hours ago. Jooheon had given them their privacy and hadn’t checked the footage of their encounter, but he imagines that, as always, it was probably rough and emotionally heavy for Hoseok, and for once, he’s actually glad that the Kihyun host’s mind is wiped with each encounter. It would certainly have been hard for the real Kihyun to have to remember any of that, to have to see Hoseok in such pain, and Jooheon doesn’t think that the host version should have to go through that kind of pain either. It’s a host, yes, but it’s so much like his real friend that Jooheon can’t help but feel sympathy for it. He wants it to be happy, as he always wanted the real Kihyun to be happy too. 

He frowns, tablet in hand for the final tests, and he begins. “Bring yourself back online, Kihyun,” he says, voice clear and determined. 

The Kihyun host blinks a few times, then looks right at him with its gentle smile. It’s an expression identical to that which the real Kihyun used to wear and, as always, Jooheon is simultaneously creeped out and nostalgic for his late friend. 

“Hello, Jooheon,” the host says, softly. 

“Hello, Kihyun,” Jooheon replies, maintaining a professional, clinical manner. “Do you know where you are right now?” 

The Kihyun host smiles again, sharp and intelligent as always. Something bright flickers through its eyes, like it’s in on some joke shared with Jooheon, some mystery that only the two of them know about, like he’s telling Jooheon a secret. It looks right at him with eyes too deep to be anything but real, and yet, they _aren’t_ real, Jooheon knows. 

“I’m in another dream,” the host says. 

Jooheon raises an eyebrow, surprised at the host’s answer, because it’s slightly off, though not completely unexpected. He leans forward in his chair, fascinated. 

“What do you mean... _another_ dream, Kihyun?” he asks. 

The Kihyun host tilts its head cutely, the gesture innocent and sweet. “I had a dream that I was with Hoseok,” it says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

Jooheon frowns to himself, stares down at his tablet for a long moment. This isn’t the first time that this has happened, that the Kihyun host has had lingering memories of its interactions with Hoseok despite having its memory wiped by the programmers. It’s always just little things, distant and vague, easily erased with a few more deliberate clicks on the tablet, but it’s strange, and Jooheon doesn’t quite understand it. 

Jooheon may be a talented programmer, sure, but he’s still not entirely well-versed on the core programming of the hosts, or how all of that even works at the most fundamental level; that core programming was developed and perfected long before he started working here, and his job is simply to embellish, customize, update, and maintain all of that core programming. Nonetheless, he does know that when the hosts are wiped, they’re supposed to be _completely_ wiped of all memories, and aren’t supposed to be able to remember anything about being in the labs, much less any interactions with humans. He knows that what’s happening with the Kihyun host is more than unusual, it’s simply _not possible_ , or, it shouldn’t be. 

And yet, here he is, here they are, and he can only speculate what this glitch (is that what this is, a glitch?) really means. 

“Can you tell me about your other dream?” Jooheon asks, and he’s really in trouble now, going so off script like this, really straddling the line by encouraging this abnormality and feeding it rather than immediately wiping the host’s memory again and starting over, as they are all trained to do to handle such a glitch. But, if the Kihyun host is indeed remembering things even after having its memory wiped, well, that just seems like something that Jooheon wants to, no, _needs_ to be fully investigating. And it’s not like he’s allowed to retire or to destroy this host, Hoseok had absolutely forbidden it. All he can really do is keep working with it the best that he can, no matter what kind of glitches pop up. At least, that’s what he tells himself to justify what he’s doing. 

Jooheon knows full well that no matter the underlying cause of this behavior, it’s absolutely a safety concern. But, at the same time, he’s curious to see where it may lead, curious to understand what it even really is, and so, despite the alarm bells going off in his head every time this happens, he’s been letting it continue, and pushing it a little further each time it happens. He’s got a job to do, to ensure that the host’s memory is wiped and rebuilt each cycle, but he’s also a scientist, an engineer and a tinkerer, and so his intellectual curiosity always wins out in the end. And he's not afraid to admit to himself that he’d put everything at risk if it brought him closer to solving this particular mystery. 

Thankfully, there’s not yet much risk of him getting caught, as Jooheon hasn’t told a soul about this, not even his programmer friends, not even his best friend and fellow programmer Changkyun. He won’t tell them, not yet, not until he understands more about whatever it is that’s happening. 

“I don’t remember it very well,” the Kihyun host admits, and this is typical, so Jooheon is not surprised by the answer. The memories that the host recalls are never clear or detailed, just vague and hazy, the way a real, living person might remember a dream, and it’s both unnerving and incredible, because hosts are always supposed to have perfect memories of everything programmed into their personalities, even their dreams. 

These memories, on the other hand, these memories are almost... _true_ memories, something well beyond programming, something well beyond mild improvisation, well beyond the scope of what the hosts should be capable of. These hazy memories are well beyond simple code, and are, instead, something much closer to genuine consciousness. 

The thought sends a chill up Jooheon’s spine, and he’s excited and terrified at the implications. He continues. 

“Just tell me what you can remember,” Jooheon says, and he fiddles with his tablet, beginning a new recording for this encounter, because he can already tell that it’s sure to reward him with some fascinating data to mull over later. 

“Well, Hoseok was with me. And he seemed...different,” the Kihyun host says, looking off into space with a certain fondness, a certain sparkle to its eyes that only appears when it talks about Hoseok. Jooheon knows it well, he helped to program it into the host, after all. But he always feels a bit strange hearing Kihyun talk about Hoseok like this, he feels like he’s intruding on something private, though, to be fair, he already knows way more about their relationship than any normal person would be comfortable knowing in order to do his job properly. 

He has to admit though, this emotional kind of thing...it’s sweet to hear about it. And the more he’s faced with it from interactions with the Kihyun host, the more Jooheon can understand why Hoseok would go to the kind of lengths that he went to to bring Kihyun back. It wasn’t until he started working on the Kihyun host, in fact, that Jooheon began to truly understand the depth of Hoseok and Kihyun’s love for each other. Even now, he doesn’t think he’ll ever fully understand it, because the real thing was almost something more than just love. It was something else entirely, something incomprehensible, something like soulmates, if such a thing actually exists. 

"How did Hoseok seem different?” Jooheon asks, urging the host to continue. 

“He seemed sad,” the host says, frowning. “Something was wrong.” 

The host sighs and Jooheon watches it in silence, letting it gather its thoughts, or load its programming, whatever it is that’s causing this incredible behavior that he’s observing right now. 

“Normally my dreams about Hoseok are lovely, but this time, it was more...bittersweet?” the host continues. ”We kissed and we talked a bit, but...” 

The host looks at Jooheon apologetically. “That’s all I can remember. But it felt like...it felt like it would be our last time. I felt this...this intense melancholy, this heartache.” 

Jooheon nods, hyper-focused on everything that the host is saying, every expression, because it truly seems like the host is _thinking_ , and more importantly, it truly seems like the host is _feeling_. 

The Kihyun host and Jooheon just look at each other for a few long moments in silence, and Jooheon is not sure what to make of it, what to make of the look in the host’s eyes. He sighs once more, and gives the host a small smile. 

“Hoseok loves you so much, Kihyun,” Jooheon says. “More than you even know.” 

“I know,” the host says, and the earnestness that Jooheon sees in its eyes is so lifelike, so _human_ , that even as a programmer that’s worked here for years, he finds it hard to believe that he’s talking to a machine right now. The Kihyun host looks so alive when it talks about Hoseok, like it’s really feeling pain for him, feeling pain on his behalf. 

“I love him so much, too,” the host continues. “It hurts me that he’s feeling sad, even if it’s only in a dream. It hurts me, the thought that...he’s hurting _because_ of me.” 

Jooheon’s eyes widen. This has never happened before. 

“What makes you think he’s hurting because of _you_?” he asks the host. 

The host looks into his eyes again before it continues. It looks shy, timid, but resolute, like it knows exactly what it’s saying even if it’s nervous to get the words out. 

“I know him better than anyone, Jooheon,” the host says, blinking slowly. “I just...I just _know_ that it’s something to do with me. And I just want to help him. I want to be the reason that he’s happy, not the reason that he’s sad.” 

Jooheon blinks, feels a sudden rush of emotion at the host’s earnest words. He may not have been the one to program it in, but Jooheon knows very well what the Kihyun host’s “cornerstone” is, his core drive, the one thing that his entire identity is built around in the programming process. 

All hosts have one, a cornerstone, and for the Kihyun host, its cornerstone is Hoseok, and the host’s unconditional love for him. 

Jooheon gives the host a weak smile, at that thought. Jooheon’s always been sensitive; he can feel the host’s pain, and he can feel Hoseok’s pain, too, and he doesn’t want to start crying here, because it’d be far too embarrassing with so many others around working in other rooms able to see him right through the glass walls, but he can’t help but feel a strong twinge in his heart and pressure building behind his eyes. 

He swallows thickly before he speaks to the host again, blinking away a sudden rush of tears. He hasn’t slept well in days, either, and with all of the stress that they’ve all been going through, well, none of that helps him to stay calm either. Kihyun’s death, and everything that’s happened since, has hit all of them very hard. 

And so Jooheon takes a few long moments to close his eyes and breathe, and the Kihyun host waits patiently for their conversation to continue. Jooheon finally opens his eyes after another minute or so, and he swallows again, regaining his composure. 

“Remember, it was just a dream, Kihyun,” Jooheon says. “And Hoseok won’t be sad anymore when he sees you, the real you.” 

“You’re right,” the Kihyun host says. It sighs, troubled. “But it felt so real. You know how dreams feel so real while you’re in them? And the feelings sometimes linger even when you wake?” 

“I know,” Jooheon replies. And he does know, from the many nightmares he’s had of his friends. Kihyun’s death in the horrific car accident. Hoseok’s many attempts at suicide. How they’re all hanging on by a thread, shattered beyond repair after everything that’s happened. “But you’ll see Hoseok again soon, and you’ll see him for real. And you’ll both be happy, and it will be like that dream never happened.” 

“Promise?” the Kihyun host asks. Its eyes are bright and clear again, and it holds out its hand, offering Jooheon its pinky. 

Jooheon doesn’t hesitate to reach out his own pinky and wrap it around the host’s in a pinky promise, and when they look into each other’s eyes, Jooheon swears it’s the real Kihyun looking back at him. Its expression, its _emotion_ is something so real, something living and breathing that could never be replicated by code, and Jooheon wonders for a brief moment if _he’s_ actually the one dreaming right now. 

He doesn’t know what else he can do for his friends, for Hoseok, for Kihyun. He wishes he had the answers, about the right thing to do, about what will happen, but he doesn’t, and all he can do is go about business as usual, maintain some semblance of routine, some semblance of order when everything around them is descending into chaos and despair, not just for him and Hoseok, but for all of them, everyone touched by their tragedy. He takes a deep breath, and clears his mind of it all in one long, deep exhalation. 

“I promise,” he says. His professionalism takes over once more, and he takes the opportunity to steer their conversation back onto the proper script before this encounter gets any more out of hand than it already has. “As soon as you answer some questions of mine, this dream will be over and you’ll wake up, and you’ll be with the real Hoseok, okay?” 

The Kihyun host nods, shifts a little in its seat, and after another tense moment, Jooheon moves forward with the standard maintenance and fidelity questions. And the Kihyun host performs perfectly, does everything right, gives exactly the answers that it’s supposed to, and Jooheon, as always when he deals with any host, wonders why they’re doing this, why they’re doing _any_ of this. Westworld, the parks, Delos, the hosts. 

The hosts have advanced so far beyond anyone’s expectations, able to respond to real-world events and able to improvise from memories, and if the Kihyun host is any indication, able to feel suffering and pain, _real_ pain, the kind that can’t just be wiped away. And Jooheon wonders, for the hundred-thousandth time, whether they’ve been thinking about this all completely wrong, and if maybe what they’ve been doing has become something so much worse than anything they could’ve ever imagined. 

And this host, this simulation of Kihyun...if it can really think for itself, if it can really have its own thoughts with Kihyun’s memories and personality, is it really just a simulation? Is it really just a copy? If not, is it really a new version of Kihyun, or is it someone else entirely? These are the questions that Jooheon struggles with now, that he’s been struggling with ever since the accident, ever since Kihyun’s death when all of their lives fell apart and everything changed. But he knows that all he can do now is finish his work and move on to the next project, keep an eye on the strange anomalies in the Kihyun host and see where they take him. 

Jooheon finishes with the questions and puts the Kihyun host into sleep mode with the proper commands, and as soon as the light leaves its eyes, as soon as it lays back, lifeless against the metal chair, Jooheon is out of there fast, dropping his tablet on the desk and grabbing for his coat. He can’t stand being here anymore, it’s too much, all of this. He can’t take it anymore. 

He would do anything for Hoseok, but he can’t do this, and he knows now that this is the last time he will.


	7. Chapter 7

On the third day of their Westworld trip, Kihyun wakes with a new sense of purpose, his mind bright and clear and alert, and despite the peace and solitude that they’ve had over the past two days on what’s turned out to be the world’s most romantic camping trip, now he’s thinking that it’s about time for the two of them to go on the kind of adventure intended for this place. Or, at least, to actually interact with some of the hosts and narratives here instead of keeping so much to themselves. 

But Hoseok, well, he still doesn’t care about any of that. Hoseok just wants to cuddle. 

It’s just after sunrise and they’re all entwined together under the covers of their little bed, and Hoseok absolutely refuses to let Kihyun out of his hold, squeezing tightly around Kihyun’s waist as Kihyun playfully punches at his chest, and Hoseok groans, half-asleep as Kihyun squirms and squirms uselessly in Hoseok’s strong arms, the blankets becoming a tangled mess and the ground so wonderfully soft and warm that even Kihyun is starting to have second thoughts about leaving. 

He stops struggling for a moment, and Hoseok sighs in contentment, pulling Kihyun in closer so that Kihyun’s face is pressed into his throat, and Kihyun wraps his arms around Hoseok’s shoulders, fully melting into Hoseok’s embrace, into the wonderful heat of his body and the comfort of his strong arms. 

“We have to get up and do something, you big dummy,” Kihyun murmurs as Hoseok rubs his hands up and down Kihyun’s back and hums low in his throat. “I’m not letting you pay $40,000 a day for us to just lie here on the ground.” 

“Kihyunnie,” Hoseok says, his voice deep and rough, and Kihyun can feel the vibration from where his cheek is pressed to Hoseok’s throat. “I would pay $40,000,000 a day to just lie here on the ground with you.” 

Kihyun blushes, his heart fluttering at Hoseok’s words, because he knows that Hoseok really means it. He smiles in response, voice soft and airy when he speaks. 

“Is this what it’s going to be like every morning?” Kihyun asks, nuzzling his nose against Hoseok’s jaw. “When we finally live together?” 

He thinks about the house that they had just bought about a month ago, the house that they’ll be moving into together as soon as they return from this trip. Despite Hoseok’s endless supply of money, they had picked out a cozy, lovely, unassuming little place, the picture-perfect suburban dream home. It’s so simple and yet, it’s everything that they’ve ever wanted. 

Hoseok lets out a soft sigh, and he moves to press his face into Kihyun’s hair, and Kihyun can feel the barely-there touch of Hoseok’s lips on his forehead, goosebumps rising all over his body. 

“If that’s what you want,” Hoseok finally responds, and his voice sounds strangely sad and distant, like he’s about to cry. “I’ll do anything for you, Kihyunnie, anything you want. You’ll never have to work or even leave the bed. You won’t have to do a single thing. I’ll take care of you, whatever you need.” 

“But I like working,” Kihyun responds, and he lowers his hands from Hoseok’s shoulders to run his hands fondly up and down Hoseok’s bare chest, his touch light and gentle as Hoseok pulls him in closer. He can feel Hoseok’s heartbeat beneath his hands, strong and steady and warm beneath his fingertips. “And I like taking care of you, too. I want to work and to take good care of you, and I want to make our home beautiful.” 

Hoseok is silent for a moment. Then, he unwinds his arms from around Kihyun’s waist and carefully lifts his hands up to cup Kihyun’s cheeks, tilting Kihyun’s head upwards so that they can look into each other’s eyes. Hoseok lets out a soft breath, his eyes moist and shaking. 

“I know you’ll make our home so beautiful,” Hoseok says, blinking slowly, his eyes gazing right into Kihyun’s and filled with a thousand different emotions. “And we’ll take care of each other. Each day will be more wonderful than the last.” 

With that, he leans forward and kisses Kihyun gently on the lips, cradling Kihyun’s cheeks so tenderly like they’re made of glass as both of their eyes slip closed. And they kiss each other so slowly, so softly, that Kihyun feels like they’ve already drifted back to sleep, back into a sweet, perfect dream together. 

They part after a few more moments, and when their eyes open and meet again, it’s like Kihyun can already see into the future, into the perfect home, the perfect life that they’ll soon share together. His heart soars and he smiles, looking into Hoseok’s eyes. 

“I can’t wait to spend every morning fighting off your cuddles,” he murmurs, laughing softly. 

And with that, he pushes against Hoseok’s chest, giggling as he resumes trying to break out from Hoseok’s hold and Hoseok just hugs him tighter. It takes quite a bit of struggle, but eventually, Kihyun manages to wriggle free, and soon after, Kihyun is up and out of bed and pulling at Hoseok’s thick arms for him to get up too, Hoseok laughing and smiling wide, his eyes shining and face flushed with happiness. 

But despite Hoseok’s protests and various attempts to wrangle Kihyun back into bed, Hoseok cooperates well when he finally awakens, and they’re both washed up, dressed, fed, packed, and on their single horse riding off before sunrise, the sky a pale purple canvas stretching out to infinity in every direction. 

They had been told that they’d find more hosts and narratives to join closer to the towns, and there’s one particular narrative that Kihyun remembers reading about in orientation that he’s interested in for today, one that isn’t too involved or complex, and that will leave them with plenty of time to spend together alone. The path that they’re taking through the park goes right past it, anyway, and since they’re planning on stopping in the next town for a more intense narrative tomorrow, this little spot along the way will be a nice excursion, a nice warm-up before they try for the real deal. He tells Hoseok all about what he has in mind, and Hoseok, not caring what they do as long as they’re together, helps him to look out for the large cluster of caves where their next little adventure is going to take place. 

It’s about an hour later when they finally find them, and they immediately spot a group of hosts working along the outside, moving carts full of rocks and boulders in and out of the caves along mining tracks. Kihyun grins, and the main prospector comes over to greet them, pickaxe in hand. 

“You boys lookin’ to mine some diamonds and crystals down in the caves today?” the prospector asks. “Or are you just here for some explorin’? You can spend as much time down there as you want, we’ve cleared out a nice area underground for all of the newcomers who visit.” 

Kihyun looks at Hoseok eagerly, and then, the two of them are dismounting from their horse, another host coming over to lead it by the reigns to a barn area while it waits for them. They follow the prospector’s instructions and put on hard helmets, each with a small light affixed to the front, and they follow the prospector past the cave entrance. And immediately, Hoseok starts to become nervous, though he tries to hide it with a completely transparent grimace. 

As always, Kihyun thinks it’s adorable how his big, strong fiancé, who would do anything and fight anyone to protect him, has all of these cute little fears, like his fear of heights and his fear of small spaces and his fear of the dark, all of which are coming into play with this little outing. But, more than anything, Kihyun loves being the one to care for Hoseok in these situations, to calm him and to chase away his anxiety with a gentle touch or even just his constant, comforting presence. Their trust and their sense of protectiveness goes both ways, after all. 

They descend down a steep, narrow, rickety stairway into the depths of the cave, and Hoseok holds tightly onto Kihyun’s hand the entire time, the path guided only by a string of small lanterns embedded in the cave ceiling. They’re going down deep, deep underground, descending for close to an hour, and soon, with all sources of natural light gone, they start to see chunks of crystal and diamonds peeking out of the cave walls, other hosts busy extracting them into carts, all tied up with harnesses and pulleys as they work. They even see a few other visiting guests learning how to mine for the gemstones, and they smile politely as they pass. 

As the continue deeper underground, the path grows wider, and the ceiling higher, and by the time they reach the wooden platform built along the bottom, Hoseok’s fears are long gone, and he’s looking out wide-eyed and awed at their surroundings. 

The area that they’re standing in along the bottom of the cave is something of a central hub, a large, circular platform connected by small bridges to a few dozen little passageways, little tunnels carved out into every side of the cave, the whole structure built above a pool of sea-green water like liquid emeralds. Calcium and salt deposits form gorgeous stalagmites and stalactites in different shades of white and pink and blue, which spring out from the ground and hang precariously above their heads, and in one of the cave walls, they can see an exposed chunk of crystal the size of a small house, sparkling brilliantly even under the string of dim lanterns that followed them all the way down here. 

“The water is much deeper than it looks,” the prospector says, “so be careful. You’re free to explore all of the tunnels connected to this platform. Just follow the paths and you’ll always circle ‘round right back to this spot.” 

He gives them a short nod before beginning his climb back up the steep, rickety stairway to watch for other guests, and as soon as he’s out of sight, Hoseok is grabbing for Kihyun’s hand again, and together, they pick one of the narrow passageways at random, ready to explore its strange, unearthly beauty, their footsteps loud and echoing on the wooden planks beneath their feet. 

And they spend hours going through all of the cave’s little paths, the pristine beauty that’s been hiding beneath their feet this entire time. There are spectacular rock formations, little underground cliffs and tiny coves surrounding crystalline pools of water in a rainbow of colors, and mysterious caves within caves, the passageways twisting and turning in unpredictable ways, and it’s a little scary, a little eerie, but it’s thrilling, and even Hoseok is having a great time, so long as Kihyun keeps holding his hand, staying right by his side and guiding him through. The lights on their helmets and the strings of lanterns make it easier for them to navigate, and soon enough, they reach a large, empty space somewhere deep inside one of the tunnels. 

It’s where they stop to rest for a moment, both of them sliding down against one of the cave walls, sitting right on the soft, warm ground and leaning back against the rocks, and they just look at each other, breathing heavily and collecting themselves. Hoseok’s face is flushed, and he looks both so handsome and so adorable under the soft glow of the lanterns. Kihyun can’t help but scoot closer and wrap his arms around Hoseok’s waist, momentarily nuzzling Hoseok’s neck with his nose and leaving a flurry of soft little kisses. 

After a moment, Kihyun tilts his head to look up at Hoseok at the same time that Hoseok tilts his head down to look fondly at him, and then Hoseok is kissing Kihyun’s nose, a mere brush of his lips that feels so intimate and romantic that it sends Kihyun’s heart racing, a zing of warmth shooting up his spine and goosebumps rising all over his skin. 

And Kihyun is about to say fuck all to privacy, ready to crawl into Hoseok’s lap right then and there for some wild cave sex, when Hoseok spots something behind Kihyun, and suddenly, he’s reaching over Kihyun’s shoulder to pull something out of the cave wall. Kihyun doesn’t turn around to see what it is, too fascinated by the look of determination on Hoseok’s handsome face to look anywhere else, but he hears the small cracking noise and smells the spray of dust in the air as Hoseok carefully dislodges something from the rocks. 

Hoseok leans back to show Kihyun his find, and there, between his thumb and index finger, about the size of a cherry, is a beautiful little chunk of diamond, loosely embedded in the wall for Hoseok to be able to extract with his bare hands. 

And Kihyun knows in the back of his mind that the cave is designed like this, and that every moment of this experience is fake and manufactured, made to make the guests feel romantic and special, but he doesn’t care, not one bit. It doesn’t feel fake or manufactured at all, and it really does feel so romantic and special when Hoseok takes Kihyun’s hand and presses the little diamond into his palm, a dazzling keepsake that Kihyun slips into his pocket while leaning up to give Hoseok a soft kiss on the lips. 

Hoseok wraps his arms around Kihyun’s waist, pulls him in close and rests his head on top of Kihyun’s, Kihyun tucked in between Hoseok’s cheek and shoulder, and at that moment, Kihyun thinks about another beautiful object, the ring that he’s wearing proudly on his left hand. It’s a sparkling silver wedding band that Hoseok had presented to him on a beautiful, snowy winter night just a few weeks ago, and Kihyun feels himself getting weepy again, thinking about how blessed he is, how lucky he is to have Hoseok. He leans back from under Hoseok’s cheek and turns his head to face him, their eyes meeting in a moment of peaceful silence. 

“Do you want to have kids?” Kihyun blurts out without thinking, too caught up in his own feelings. 

Hoseok’s eyes go wide, his face flushing with color and Kihyun can’t help but laugh at his shocked expression. Hoseok blinks quickly, opens and closes his mouth without speaking, at a complete loss for words, like it was the very last thing that he expected Kihyun to say. And Kihyun laughs, reaching up to squeeze Hoseok’s shoulders and brush it off. 

“Sorry to just drop that on you,” Kihyun murmurs, voice warm and soft. “We don’t have to decide right now if you–” 

To his surprise, Hoseok is suddenly crying. And it isn’t Hoseok’s usual kind of loud, messy crying, accompanied by sobs and sniffles. He’s completely still and silent, his arms still wrapped around Kihyun’s waist, staring right into Kihyun’s eyes, but it’s like a faucet is suddenly opened behind his own, and tears are trickling steadily down his cheeks every time he blinks. Kihyun’s heart clenches; he doesn’t know what to make of this. 

“Hoseok...” Kihyun murmurs. He squeezes Hoseok’s shoulders again then reaches up with both hands to cup Hoseok’s face, to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “I’m sorry to have made you upset, I didn’t–” 

“No, Kihyunnie,” Hoseok says quickly, and he gives Kihyun a small smile. Despite his tears, his eyes are shining with joy and affection. “I was just...really so surprised...” 

Hoseok sniffles, smiling fondly as he closes his eyes, leaning his face into Kihyun’s hands. “I would love nothing more than to have kids with you,” he says. He opens his eyes and pulls Kihyun in for a hug, Kihyun wrapping his arms around Hoseok’s shoulders as they embrace, both of them closing their eyes as they melt into it. And now, they’re both crying, but they’re laughing happily, too, in between the tears, both of them trembling and holding each other like they’ll never let go. 

And they keep holding each other as they both calm down, and when the tears have finally died down to quiet sniffles, Kihyun gives Hoseok another playful kiss on the cheek, and then he’s standing up, offering Hoseok his left hand for them to continue on their way. And Hoseok takes Kihyun’s left hand in his right, and Kihyun can tell when Hoseok’s fingers brush over the wedding band by the look that he gives him. It’s fond, and loving, and Hoseok’s expression touches something deep and profound in Kihyun’s heart, something that stays with him long after as they continue through to the rest of the caves. 

After they’re done exploring (and uncovering quite a few conveniently placed crystals and gemstones along the way), the prospector returns and guides them over to a special elevator, and they get an amazing view of the entire cave’s tunnel system on their way up. By the time they reach the surface and reunite with their horse, it’s already nearing nighttime, but rather than set up camp nearby, they decide to ride on for the nearest town only a few miles away. 

They don’t get to take much in by the time that they get there, as they go right away to the lodge near the town’s entrance, but there’s promise of lots of fun and mischief to get up to tomorrow with what they have planned, and it’s with that in mind that they arrive at their little room for the night, their horse tied up and cared for outside and the moon high in the sky, shining through the open windows. It’s nothing fancy, but the room is clean and comfortable, and they’ll actually be sleeping in a real bed tonight with clean sheets and soft pillows. 

They unpack and shower together (to save water, of course), then crawl into bed naked together, too tired for sex but not wanting to be physically separated for even a moment, facing each other and tangling their legs together under the covers, Hoseok stroking Kihyun’s hair and Kihyun almost purring in contentment as he snuggles closer, wrapping his arms around Hoseok’s waist and leaning in for a soft kiss. 

Their kissing starts out gentle, just soft, light presses of their mouths against each other, the two of them moving in closer and closer until they’re pressed chest to chest, their entire bodies flush. They soon start kissing more passionately, making out and moaning into each other’s mouths, and Kihyun urges Hoseok to lie back, Kihyun moving to hover on top of him as they keep kissing, adjusting to get more comfortable in their new position. 

From there, they cool back down, not wanting to go further than that for tonight, and their kisses grow slower, deeper and more indulgent than desperate, and soon Kihyun’s got his hands tangled in Hoseok’s hair and Hoseok’s hands have moved down Kihyun’s back to squeeze at his ass, and they’re both just aroused enough for it to feel good but not enough to feel uncomfortable about not going any further than kissing. 

Eventually, Kihyun breaks apart from Hoseok’s mouth, his eyes fluttering open, and he lies there comfortably on top of Hoseok, resting his chin on his crossed arms on Hoseok’s chest, and Hoseok’s hands stroking lazily up and down his back. One of Hoseok’s hands returns to tangle in Kihyun’s hair, right back where it started, and they just look at each other, silent and peaceful, enjoying the heat of each other’s bodies in a soft, warm bed. 

Kihyun smiles gently, and Hoseok watches him, stroking his temple with his thumb. “What are you thinking about, Kihyunnie?” Hoseok asks, Kihyun enjoying the rumble that he can feel in Hoseok’s chest when he speaks. 

“I’m thinking about our wedding,” Kihyun replies. He leans forward to give Hoseok another soft kiss, then leans back again onto his crossed arms. “I’m thinking about how magical this all is. And how it seems too good to be true.” 

Hoseok looks at him, eyes half-lidded and lips parted slightly. He doesn’t say anything, not with any words, but Kihyun understands him all the same. 

“I’m thinking about how much I love you,” Kihyun says. 

And with that, he gently rolls off of Hoseok to lie by his side, and he turns to face away from him, reaching out to switch off the lamp on the night stand. The room goes dark, and Hoseok spoons Kihyun from behind, kissing the back of Kihyun’s neck and shoulders while Kihyun looks out at the stars through the window, blinking slowly and leaning back into Hoseok’s embrace. 

They’ve only been in Westworld for three days and two nights now, but their time together feels both endless and much too rushed simultaneously, the minutes both blissfully long and slipping too quickly through their fingers like sand. And Kihyun is so very much looking forward to the future, yes, the wedding and their home together. Having kids, and living a beautiful, beautiful life. But for now, being in this place with Hoseok, it’s like a little taste of heaven, and Kihyun wants it to last as long as possible. 

It’s the last thing that Kihyun thinks about before finally drifting off, that he would be all too happy to relive their time here again and again and again in a perfect loop, just like the hosts. But that’s the difference between humans and the hosts, between the real world and this world. The real world is chaotic, brutal, finite. But in here, the world is perfect. Perfect and immortal. Still, he knows that perfect isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be, and that together, they can make their life out in the real world even more beautiful than anything in here, and that their life together can be anything that they want it to be. 

Hoseok’s arms are wrapped around Kihyun’s waist, his hands stroking slowly up and down Kihyun’s body, as he keeps brushing his lips over Kihyun’s neck, and just before Kihyun falls asleep, he feels Hoseok’s hands move to rest over his heart, his beating heart that beats for him and beats for _them_ , and for everything that they have together, now and always, in here and out there. 

And even though they had spent their day in the darkness of the caves, and now they’re together in this dark, dark room in the midst of an even darker evening, Kihyun can’t help but think that their future looks so blindingly, brilliantly bright.


	8. Chapter 8

Hoseok’s heart is racing so fast and hard he fears it might stop altogether as he pulls up into the driveway of what was once his and Kihyun’s home together, his hands shaking where they grip tightly onto the steering wheel of his car. He feels empty inside of anything but his anxiety, his breathing harsh and constricted, painful, even, and he can hear his blood rushing inside his head, his chest tight, the adrenaline that had been coursing through him the past few hours still going strong. 

He’s been moving entirely on autopilot this whole time, from the moment he had broken into the Delos Behavior and Diagnostics Lab to the moment he’s arrived back here now. It still hasn’t quite hit him yet, the reality of what he’s doing. It feels like he’s out of his own body and watching someone else do all of this. And despite his anxiety, the physical effects of it, his mind feels strangely...calm about it all, but he supposes that’s just the shock, the disbelief. The fear. He’s so terrified by what he’s about to do, he feels like it’ll consume him, violent and agonizing and paralyzing all at once. 

He parks the car a few feet from the garage door, and he sits back in his chair as he turns off the ignition. His car, much too expensive to match this humble, sweet little suburban home, goes completely silent, the colorful radio and dashboard lights flickering off to darkness. He stares ahead out the front window to the garage door, pristine, unmarked, painted a cheerful, clean white, and all he can hear are the crickets outside chirping happily like something out of a storybook. 

He doesn’t move for a long time, just sits there looking straight ahead, gripping hard onto the steering wheel and trying to catch his breath. He sits there motionless in his car for so long, that the motion-detecting light above the garage eventually switches itself off, bathing him in total darkness. 

He hasn’t been back here since the morning that Kihyun died. 

This beautiful house that they picked out together, that they were only able to live in for a very short time, only about a month before the accident. It’s perfect, still just as beautiful as it was the day that they moved in, and those wonderful days that they got to live there, a cozy sanctuary of lovely red bricks and soft blue exterior the same color as the sky. The front yard and the cute walkway to the front door have all been well maintained, the walkway still lined by colorful flowers, the lawn still a perfect, deep green lined with tall, healthy trees. 

When they had first stepped inside with the realtor, it was like Hoseok had had a clairvoyant vision of the future. He had blinked and it was like he could see their entire life together playing out before his eyes, like he was watching a film, like they were always meant to live in this house, like it was a home built for them just to find it and make it their own. It was the most beautiful little house that he had ever seen. 

Hoseok remembers how they had fallen in love with this place at first sight, with its warm, light wood interiors and all of its open spaces, its large glass windows and its huge kitchen, perfect for Kihyun to cook in. They had fallen in love with the working fireplace in the living room and the charming porch in the backyard, the two extra bedrooms that they had hoped would someday be for their kids. There’s even a finished basement that Hoseok had hoped to turn into a home office so that he could work from home and be able to spend more time with what was sure to be their large and beautiful family. 

But despite his love for this house, this house an extension of his and Kihyun’s love for each other, Hoseok just can’t bring himself to live here anymore, and he hasn’t lived here since he was there with Kihyun. This entire time, this past year, this terrible, awful year, he’s been living at one of his investment properties on the other side of the city, a penthouse apartment usually rented out to some rich assholes, and it’s supposed to be more luxurious, fancier and modern with too much extra shit, too many pointless amenities that no person really needs, but despite having everything, it just feels cold and empty and miserable, no heart or warmth to it, just walls and ceilings and floors, no place to live a real life, just a place to waste away, a gilded cage where Hoseok has purposely trapped himself, feeling unable and unworthy to live in the place that he had once truly called home. 

And he can’t bring himself to sell this house, or anything inside it either. There are just too many memories, too many precious moments locked away in every corner, in every piece of furniture, in every tiny knick-knack, in all of those seemingly innocent household items that Kihyun and Hoseok had collected together long before they moved in, back when they alternated between Kihyun’s tiny studio apartment and Hoseok’s old one-bedroom. Every inch of this place, and every object inside it, holds a precious memory, and Hoseok doesn’t like the thought of someone else moving in, spreading their own life and memories all over it, and he doesn’t like the thought of all of their things splitting up, their own unique collection of Kihyun and Hoseok going out into the world to a plethora of different owners, like their existence together and everything that they had could just dissolve away. No, it all has to stay together, and it all has to stay _here_. 

And so, here it all sits, the house and everything in it, on this pretty little block of other perfect little houses, like a museum, like a pretty little dollhouse, like their first _child_ , an eternal testament to what was once their brief but beautiful life together. And Hoseok pays for maintenance and regular cleaning (because the thought of Kihyun’s hard work, on making everything about the house so beautiful, the thought of it all going to waste breaks Hoseok’s heart), but otherwise, the house remains completely undisturbed, exactly as it was the day that Kihyun (and Hoseok himself) left it behind for good. 

And it’s been so long now since Hoseok’s actually been here, that despite how much he loves this place with all his heart, he’s hesitant. He’s scared to go inside. It feels like he’s in one of his horrific nightmares. This is how many of them start, after all. 

Tomorrow, Hoseok is supposed to go on his thirty-second (thirty-third? Even he’s lost track...) trip to Westworld with the Kihyun host, but now that he’s actually here and doing this, it seems like that’s not going to be happening after all. And once he does this, it won’t be happening ever. There’s no going back after tonight. 

He closes his eyes, tries to breathe and collect himself. If he’s going to go through with this, he has to go inside. 

He swallows and reaches for the handle of the car door, slowly getting out of the car and then closing the door quietly behind him. The garage light flickers on again at his movements, and he stands in the driveway for a long moment, hand gripping the roof of the car for balance, head hanging down as he stares at the perfectly smooth, perfectly black pavement. He’s starting to tremble, the cool night air passing through his lungs and clearing the haze from his mind, the haze that was numbing him to his emotions. And now, those emotions are starting to creep back in little by little, unwanted and unneeded right now but relentless nonetheless. 

He takes another breath and looks up at the sky; it’s a new moon tonight so the sky is darker than usual, but still so much brighter than it ever is in the polluted city, a clear view of millions of sparkling stars. The house has a large backyard, and they had once talked about buying a high-tech telescope and taking up stargazing together, a hobby that they could enjoy together, and maybe even pass along to their kids someday. 

Their kids. They were going to have kids. 

Hoseok sighs, a lump forming in his throat, and he turns finally to open the backseat of the car before he lets himself get any more off track from what he’s doing. He pauses as he looks inside, and he suddenly feels scared again, frozen in fear. 

Lying in the backseat, sprawled out with its cheek pressed to the cushion and its lips slightly parted, peaceful like it’s sleeping, is the Kihyun host. 

He’s powered off from when Hoseok had stolen him from the holding facility at the Behavior and Diagnostics lab of the Mesa, where he was being stored in preparation for him going out into the park tomorrow. The hosts all have built-in fail-safes to prevent them wandering out or being taken out of the park without authorization, but Hoseok is one of the few who knows all of the passwords and all of the security measures, knows exactly how to steal a host and get away with it. And it’s not like he’s got anything left to lose if he gets caught, anyway, and so stealing the Kihyun host and taking him here to the house had been easy and effortless, and he had gone in and out so quickly and smoothly that he doubts that anyone will even notice that anything’s wrong until long after it’s too late. 

The Kihyun host has been in sleep mode this entire time, and Hoseok doesn’t plan to wake it, not now or at any point tonight. And the host is naked, because Hoseok hadn’t wanted to bring it here in those silly cowboy clothes. Instead, he had covered the Kihyun host with a large blanket to protect its modesty, and it’s with slow, heavy limbs that he reaches down and carefully wraps the fabric over the Kihyun host’s body, swaddles it tight like a baby. 

He carefully lifts the host into his arms and carries it pressed against his shoulder, holding it with one arm under the backs of its thighs while the other is free to close the car door and then dig around in his pocket for the keys. He’s sure to be as delicate as possible, as if he’s actually carrying the real thing and afraid to wake him, though, of course, the host won’t wake without the proper voice commands. 

The garage light flickers out again as Hoseok makes his way up the little walkway, and the Kihyun host is so light in his arms, it really is like carrying a baby, and even though it’s powered off, it’s still so warm and soft, and it’s disorienting, and Hoseok nearly drops his keys, his hand is shaking so much, as he approaches the front door and opens it, steps into their home for the first time in almost a year. 

He slowly moves inside and closes the door gently behind him, not turning on the lights just yet. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath; the house still smells the same as it did back then, clean and crisp like fresh laundry and soap, slightly flowery from all of the house plants still there that had outlived their original owner. Hoseok takes another breath and his eyes are already growing wet, but he just blinks slowly for a few moments to get ahold of himself, not allowing himself to cry as he reaches over to flick the light switch on in the entranceway. 

He doesn’t turn on any other lights, doesn’t look around, just kicks off his shoes and heads straight for the stairs to go up to the second floor, because he knows that if he looks around at anything, if he lets himself hesitate for even a moment, it will knock him off course. He’s particularly vulnerable right now, but he keeps it together, going carefully up the stairs, his footsteps quiet on the soft carpeting, and he only sees portions of the living room and the way to the kitchen out of the corners of his eyes, and he sees the photos on the walls, all of the little touches of the two of them everywhere, dozens and dozens of beautiful memories flickering through his mind all at once. He swallows again, nearly letting out a sob as he makes his way up to the second floor, then takes the few familiar steps down the hall, still completely committed to muscle memory, to the master bedroom on the right. 

Kihyun had always liked to leave doors open to let air and light circulate well through the house, and so Hoseok is able to just softly nudge his way inside, stopping to turn on the lights, and there are still boxes in the closet, because they had never even finished unpacking. Hoseok approaches the bed and pulls back the covers, then gently lays the Kihyun host down on the sheets on the right side of the bed, what was always the real Kihyun’s side of the bed. Hoseok then carefully unwraps the blanket covering the host’s naked body, lets it fall onto the carpet, and pulls up the comforter so it looks like the Kihyun host is just sleeping, right where the real Kihyun is meant to be sleeping, a sight that Hoseok had spent too many long moments staring fondly at in the light of the moon, in those late hours of the night when he couldn’t sleep because he was so happy. 

Now, Hoseok just stands there looking down at the host, lying so peacefully on the pillow, its eyelashes fanned out so prettily on its cheeks and its hair soft and messy. Hoseok feels frozen again in place as he thinks, preparing for what he’ll do next. He’s already got it all planned out. 

There are two large tanks of gasoline in their garage; they had kept them around for Hoseok’s motorcycle (long gone now, since he couldn’t ride it anymore without thinking of Kihyun riding with him). And it’s simple: Hoseok will go back downstairs, make a right by the front door and go through another door out into the garage to retrieve them. 

He’ll go through the entire house with his eyes closed, moving entirely by memory, and he’ll douse everything, leaving the bedroom for last where he’ll douse the Kihyun host and then, after stripping naked, douse himself and crawl into bed to lie beside it. He’ll reach into the nightstand for the pack of matches that the real Kihyun had liked to use to light scented candles when they’d make love; he was really always so romantic, the both of them were. And then, Hoseok will light the match, throw it to the floor, and that would be it. 

It would be over within a few minutes. Clean and quick. Everything, them and their entire life together, would go up in the pure and cleansing flames. 

Hoseok sees it all so clearly in his mind, each and every step, and yet, his feet still won’t move. 

He’s rooted in place, staring down at the bed, at the Kihyun host sleeping. 

No, not sleeping. Powered off. It’s a machine. Kihyun is dead. 

Hoseok bites down into his lower lip, tears filling up in his eyes. He wants nothing more than to end this, but he can’t look away and he can’t move, and he feels cold and unable to do anything at all. He couldn’t do anything then, when Kihyun was dying in the hospital, and he can’t do anything now, when he himself is dying here all alone. He’s just stuck, as always. 

He knows that all of those times that he tried to kill himself before, it was his own fault that he hadn’t succeeded. He could’ve been at peace, and he could’ve saved everyone around him all of that time and pain. But he lacked the resolve, he had always lacked the true resolve. Even now. He can’t even kill himself properly. Why is it so hard, when it’s the only thing left that he truly wants? 

And Kihyun’s death, that was probably his fault too, because surely there were plenty of ways to have prevented it. Maybe he couldn’t have stopped the chain of events that led to Kihyun being on the road with that drunk driver, but maybe he could’ve gotten to the hospital faster, maybe he could’ve said or done something in those precious final seconds that would have made a difference. There was some specific moment in time when it became too late, yes, but every moment before then, Hoseok wonders if maybe he could’ve done something to change the final outcome. 

Hot tears roll down his cheeks, his hands balled into fists at his sides. Why won’t his feet move? All he needs to do is take that first step, and then his autopilot will take over from there. But his legs feel so heavy, like they’re planted into the ground, and he can’t bring himself to turn away from the Kihyun host, even though he knows that what he’s doing is what’s best for it, best for everyone, best for himself and for the real Kihyun. 

Suddenly, something inside of him snaps, and he lets out a yell, bringing his hands up to cover his face as he doubles over, the floodgates opened behind his eyes, his body shaking as tears roll out and the pressure releases all at once. He lowers his hands to rest on his knees, his head hanging down, and he stares at the floor, at the soft, snow-white carpet where Kihyun used to always love walking barefoot, feeling the plush fabric between his toes, where they’d sometimes roll around together when they couldn’t keep their hands off each other long enough to make it to the bed. His tears fall onto the carpet and leave dark little wet spots, and he’s biting so hard into his lower lip to suppress the sobs, that he breaks the skin and starts bleeding, blood trickling down his chin and onto the carpet. 

It’s a stain that won’t come out easily, he thinks. All the more reason to burn this whole place down, give it all over to the cleansing purity of fire. 

He feels a rush of adrenaline and stands upright, doesn’t bother to wipe the tears away or the blood; his face is a mess right now, but none of that will matter soon. This will all be gone, and he’ll be back with Kihyun, the real thing, not some sad imitation, not the awful copy that he created and brought into the world. 

With that thought, his eyes move back over to the Kihyun host, still in exactly the same position as before, and looking at it right now, Hoseok can’t believe how long he fooled himself into thinking that it was any kind of acceptable substitute for the real thing. It’s so obvious when it’s powered off that it’s not a living person, that it’s really just an elaborate doll, a _thing_. It doesn’t look like a person sleeping, it doesn’t even look like a person dead (Hoseok knows all too well what that looks like, and it haunts his every moment night and day). 

The Kihyun host, it’s just...inanimate. It’s nothing. He really can’t believe that he’s been such a fool. 

And he should’ve tried harder before. He shouldn’t have let his own cowardice stop him. He should’ve followed Kihyun in death right away, instead of lingering here for so long, instead of allowing everyone around him to talk him into staying when there was nothing worth staying for anymore. He should’ve never listened to any of them, and all those times in Westworld, he should’ve thrown himself off a cliff or drowned himself in the river. 

And he knows it’s a mistake even before he does it, and he wants his feet to move out the door already, to go forward with the plan, but as soon as he starts moving, his feet betray him, somehow take him over to the right side of the bed, to rest on his knees beside the Kihyun host. 

Its head is turned in the other direction, and so Hoseok reaches to gently move it, cups its cheek with one hand and turns its face to look at him. And even now, it’s so beautiful, and Hoseok lets out a sob, a fresh wave of tears rolling down his cheeks effortlessly; he hadn’t even realized that they had built up again. The carpet is soft beneath his knees, and he can’t let go of the host’s face, the feeling of its soft skin beneath his hands too lovely, too perfect. But not real, _not real_. Not Kihyun. 

He rubs his thumb over the host’s cheek as he cries and cries, his split lip throbbing and the dried blood on his chin congealing thick and sticky. And before he can stop himself, he’s leaning forward and kissing the host gently on the lips. And he does it again, and again, and again. His eyes are shut, and it’s the most awful thing in the world, because the host’s lips are still so warm and soft and familiar, but it doesn’t respond. It’s not alive or breathing, it’s just a thing, just some thing that he had tricked himself into obsessing over this entire time. 

It’s not Kihyun. 

He opens his eyes and the host is still dead, still just an inanimate object. Its lips are smeared with some of Hoseok’s blood, and its cheeks are stained with wet spots from Hoseok’s tears. And yet, it’s still so, so beautiful, and despite himself and what he knows to be the truth, Hoseok looks at it and he still sees Kihyun. And the thought of this beautiful thing burning up in flames, burning up to nothing, it suddenly has Hoseok’s heart breaking. 

This isn’t the real Kihyun, but it is something that he made, something that has some little bit of life in it, if only indirectly, through the value that Hoseok has placed in it. His mind tells him that it’s not real, that it’s an object, but he thinks of all of the time that they spent together, how the host behaved and talked and laughed, how even though it didn’t cure him of his grief, it did help to ease the pain, at least, in small, small moments. 

And Hoseok knows now that he can’t bring himself to destroy it, to _kill_ it. To kill _him_. Because no matter what the truth is, the Kihyun host still feels so alive, it still feels so like _Kihyun_. 

And he doesn’t think he can really bring himself to destroy their home, either. They may not have been here together for long, but this was still their home, their _real_ home, and for those few magical weeks together, that short but blissful time, it was everything that they ever wanted, their own little heaven on Earth. And just because he can’t live with it anymore, doesn’t mean he needs to destroy it. 

His heart clenches, because he’s right back to where he started, right back to all of the doubt and hesitation. He suddenly realizes that maybe this is not the right thing to do, because destroying the host and destroying this house won’t undo what happened. Hoseok realizes that maybe this plan of his was all a big mistake, a foolish impulse that he almost fell right into. 

Or maybe...maybe he’s just being a coward. Maybe he’s just letting his lack of resolve ruin everything once again. 

With that, Hoseok presses his forehead onto the bed right by the Kihyun host’s face, sobs into the blankets long and hard and loud, his hand still gripping onto the host’s face like a lifeline. And it’s in those long moments that he has the epiphany, and suddenly, he understands exactly what needs to happen. 

He stands up again, lets his hand run down the host’s body and without another moment’s hesitation, scoops it up into his arms again, carries it over his shoulder and he’s storming out of there quickly, back down the stairs, back outside, back to his car, carefully laying the host back onto the backseat exactly where it was before. 

He knows what he has to do now, and it’s not this.


	9. Chapter 9

On their fourth day in Westworld, Kihyun and Hoseok sleep late into the morning, the soft blankets and the soft sheets and, most notably, the soft mattress like sleeping on a cloud compared to their past few nights camping out on the ground. When Kihyun finally blinks awake, the last few remnants of slumber blurring his vision around the edges, Hoseok is still spooning him, his face buried in the back of Kihyun’s neck, his arms around Kihyun’s waist, and one of his thick, muscular legs thrown over Kihyun’s hips, pinning him down beneath its weight. 

Kihyun carefully rolls over onto his back and tries to slip out, but, of course (and he really should’ve known), Hoseok is already awake, this particular prank a common one, and yet, somehow, Kihyun falls for it every single time. Before Kihyun can move another inch, Hoseok is using all of his strength and all of the momentum of the muscles in his thighs to roll on top of Kihyun and pin him down in one smooth motion, one hand wrapped around each wrist and Hoseok up on all fours with his knees straddling Kihyun’s hips, the bedframe creaking loudly at the sudden shift in weight and positioning. And Hoseok’s lips are hovering so close over Kihyun’s that Kihyun can feel their heat and moisture, the pull to close the distance magnetic between them. 

And it all happens so quickly that Kihyun is left a little breathless, a little dazed. He can feel the deep flush on his face, his lips falling open, and Hoseok is looking down at him with a sly smile, and Kihyun wonders if they’re about to make up for foregoing sex last night, and he can’t say he’s not kind of loving the idea of starting the morning off like this. Hoseok’s body is just so _big_ and warm on top of his own, the strength and power radiating off of him, and Kihyun feels tiny and delicate in the best possible way. And wow, does Kihyun want to be fucked hard, his body quivering at the prospect. He can feel the heat from Hoseok’s gaze like something combustible, about to fully ignite in the space between them. 

But then, it dissipates in an instant, and Hoseok is leaning down and brushing his nose against Kihyun’s in a light, fluttering touch. And then, he’s kissing Kihyun’s forehead, and releasing Kihyun’s wrists, and pushing up, rolling onto his back and jumping out of bed all so effortlessly, all in one sequence, leaving Kihyun behind a flustered and blushing mess, bouncing slightly on the mattress as Hoseok stands up. 

Yes, Hoseok may be soft and sweet and romantic, but he sure can be unbelievably sexy sometimes, and he knows exactly how to wind up Kihyun in the most spectacular of ways, and so it’s with wide eyes and a few deep, calming breaths that Kihyun follows him out of bed some moments later, his heart still racing and his body warm all over. But it’s then that he vows revenge, to wind up Hoseok in such a manner when he’s least expecting it. 

They wash up, get dressed, and head downstairs to the ground floor of the saloon and out into the street to start their day in this wild little town that’s known for being dangerous, home to bandits and rascals and its own fascinating lore and history even within the greater lore and history of the entire park, and Kihyun absolutely loves it, can’t wait to taste a little bit of excitement after their rather peaceful experience so far. 

As they exit the saloon, they’re immediately approached by the leader of one of the outlaw gangs, a man clad all in dark leather, much like Hoseok, Kihyun realizes, though while Hoseok’s look is only for show, this man is the real deal. Well, as real as he’s programmed to be, that is. They had read all about this particular narrative and so they already know exactly what they’re walking into. 

The man smirks, leaning in close to Kihyun in particular as he speaks in a smooth trill. "You two look spry and slick, just the kinda men I’m lookin’ for on this lovely mornin’,” he says. “How would you fellas like to help me out with a little somethin’? I’ll make it worth your while.” 

He’s very handsome, and Kihyun smiles prettily, not because of the man himself, but because he can feel Hoseok’s eyes glaring daggers at the man from behind him, and Hoseok is really just so adorable when he’s jealous, and this is clearly the teasing opportunity that Kihyun was waiting for all morning. 

And so Kihyun looks at the host with coquettish eyes, and he bats his eyelashes, putting on his most teasing, flirtatious voice and pouting cutely as he speaks. “What kind of something?” he asks, and he grins, has to hold back from laughing out loud when he feels Hoseok’s large hand coming up to grip onto his shoulder possessively, Hoseok moving in closer so that he’s nearly pressed against Kihyun’s back. 

“I need you to help me catch some men who stole from me. If you can bring back what they took, you’ll be handsomely rewarded,” the man says. “Handsome enough for a couple of handsome fellas like yourselves.” 

He reaches down for Kihyun’s hand, brings it to his lips, and leaves a gentle kiss, not breaking eye contact with Kihyun for even a moment. And Kihyun smiles bright again, not because of the flirtatious gesture, but because he can feel Hoseok fuming, his jealousy almost like a tangible thing, simmering hotly and directed right into the center of the host’s forehead. And Kihyun wishes he could see Hoseok’s face right now, but decides that he’s been teased enough for one day. Or at least, for the time being. 

“We’re getting married, you know,” Kihyun says, smiling politely as he pulls back his hand. “And you’re very charming, but no funny business with either of us, okay mister?” 

The host sighs in disappointment, but lets out a soft chuckle. “I’m just havin’ a little fun with you two. This is all strictly business, alright?” He tips his hat at Kihyun, then at Hoseok before he continues. 

“I’d never break up such a good-looking couple,” he says. “I may be a bad guy, but I’m not a _bad_ guy, you know?” 

“Of course,” Hoseok says, and Kihyun can feel him soften up a bit behind him. 

“Anyway,” the host says. “Just get back what those bastards stole from me, ok?” 

Kihyun nods, Hoseok continuing to hover protectively behind him as the host gives them instructions about where they need to go to find the wanted men, and as Hoseok becomes more focused, moves to stand at Kihyun’s side and listen to the host’s instructions, Kihyun can’t help but switch his own focus to Hoseok, fascinated. 

Kihyun can’t help but think that Hoseok seems...different. Something about him is different, and Kihyun can’t quite figure out what it is exactly, can’t quite put his finger on it, but something about Hoseok feels...a little off? If he didn’t know any better, that’s what he might say, it’s the only way he can think to possibly describe it. 

At all times, Kihyun can read Hoseok like an open book, and he still can even now, but it’s almost like there’s some kind of new, hidden layer to him, one that Kihyun has never seen before, like something happened to him that even Kihyun doesn’t know about, and Kihyun knows everything that happens to Hoseok, they share everything with each other. 

But it’s almost like Kihyun can see something odd, something _dark_ in the strange, frantic look in Hoseok’s eyes, in the way he seems both so much more protective over Kihyun whenever anyone else is around, and yet so less nervous about them doing dangerous things together than Kihyun would have thought. Whatever it means, something bizarre is going on with Hoseok, and it makes Kihyun feel uneasy. 

At some point, Hoseok turns away from the host, who leaves them to tend to something else, and he meets Kihyun’s gaze, and like flipping a switch, all of that strange _whatever_ that Kihyun was feeling all melts away, and all he can see is the same old Hoseok as always, loving, goofy, sweet, adorable, handsome, the one whom he loves with his entire heart. And Kihyun sighs in relief, because whatever mysterious darkness he’s picking up on from Hoseok, Kihyun knows that it will surely be revealed in time. It always is, they can’t help but reveal everything to each other. That’s what it means to have a soulmate, after all. 

“What is it?” Hoseok asks when he notices that Kihyun is staring at him. 

“It’s nothing,” Kihyun replies, smiling, all troubles forgotten. “I just love you.” 

Hoseok smiles back, then looks away, suddenly a little shy. “You know,” he says, his voice half upset and half timid, “I didn’t like you flirting with him so much.” 

“Ooooh!” Kihyun exclaims, grinning in pure, mischievous delight. “Someone’s jealous!” 

Hoseok pouts, and Kihyun reaches forward to take his hand and squeeze it, Hoseok’s eyes moving back to meet his own, soft and emotional. Kihyun smiles gently, bats his eyelashes just as prettily as before, only this time, he really means it. 

“Don’t worry, big boy,” he coos. “You’re the only one I’ll ever love.” 

At that, Hoseok blushes a little, so very adorable, and Kihyun can’t help but to reach up for his face with both hands to kiss him, Hoseok’s lips warm and wet and soft. And it’s a long, sweet kiss, just a single kiss, but full of so much that it stops time and the movement of the world around them like it’ll last forever. 

When they part, they look into each other’s eyes, and Hoseok slowly reaches up to stroke Kihyun’s cheek, running his thumb over Kihyun’s face so sweetly, so gently like stroking the petals of a beautiful flower. 

They look at each other for a long, long moment in silence, until Kihyun breaks the silence with a giggle, reaching around quickly to pat Hoseok’s butt, then scampering away as Hoseok gasps, then chases after him, the two of them both shrieking with laughter. 

They begin their journey out into the nearby patch of forest on their horse, still just their one horse, though this time, Kihyun sits behind Hoseok and wraps his arms tightly around Hoseok’s waist so that they can ride fast in pursuit. And they find who they’re looking for within an hour or so (of course it couldn’t be too easy, but it couldn’t be too difficult either), checking the photographs that the host in town had given them for confirmation, and sure enough, they’ve found the outlaws who they’re looking for, deep in the forest with nothing else around for miles. 

There are three men, three hosts on three horses, the ringleader a scary-looking guy with a missing eye and haggard face and scars all over his body, all three men dressed in black leather with pistols strapped to their belts, and Kihyun is growing increasingly amused by the fact that Hoseok’s choice of clothing seems to fit in much more with these outlaws than the heroic cowboy look that he was going for, and in such stark contrast to his actual personality. Kihyun clings onto Hoseok’s waist tightly as Hoseok stops the horse, then sits up just as they are about to exchange words with the outlaws. Hoseok starts to speak first but Kihyun beats him to it. 

“We’re here for something that doesn’t belong to you,” Kihyun says, loud and confident from behind Hoseok. The three men just snicker. 

“Where’s that voice comin’ from?” one of them asks. 

“Is it a little mouse?” another says. 

“You took something from our employer,” Kihyun says loudly, amused by their taunts. Is that the best that they can do? “We’re here to get it back, and he didn’t say anything about leaving you guys alive.” And Hoseok laughs at Kihyun’s bravado, Kihyun can feel the rumble through his muscular back, where Kihyun is leaning on one bent arm as he looks over Hoseok’s shoulder at the bandits. 

“You won’t get nothin’ from us, little mouse,” the leader growls out. “Not you or your whipped guard dog.” 

“Hey!” Hoseok says, laughing a little. “I’m not whipped.” 

“You are definitely whipped,” Kihyun coos into his ear. “But that’s not a bad thing at all. I’m whipped too. And robots or not, I won’t let them speak to you like that.” 

Kihyun is about to slide off of the horse to have some fun with these guys when Hoseok stops him, blocking him from dismounting with his hand. “I got this, Kihyunnie,” he whispers, looking at Kihyun over his shoulder. 

“They can’t really hurt me, Hoseok,” Kihyun whispers back. Hoseok still holds him back with his arm, unrelenting. He looks serious, and Kihyun suddenly feels a rush of heat, because Hoseok all stern and powerful like this...it’s so _hot_. 

“You don’t even have a gun. Let me do it,” Hoseok says, his voice softening. “You always make fun of me for being a big, soft bunny, for not matching my appearance. But let me be the dashing hero, just for you. How does that sound?” 

Kihyun grins. It sounds really, really hot. 

“Okay, mister cowboy,” Kihyun says. “Take down those bandits _just for me_ , get back what they stole from the guy in town so that we can complete the mission, and you’ll be _handsomely rewarded_ tonight.” 

Hoseok smiles, blushing again, and he looks over his shoulder at Kihyun fondly. “Hold on tightly, okay?” 

Kihyun does so, nuzzles his face into Hoseok’s back as he wraps his arms around his waist again. 

The bandits quickly take off on their horses and Hoseok follows, the chase taking them for what feels like miles and miles and miles of woods, until they finally reach an impasse at the edge of a cliff, and the bandits all slip off of their horses for a good old-fashioned shootout, exactly as planned. Hoseok slides off of their horse while Kihyun leans forward on the saddle, ready for what’s sure to be a good show. 

Just as Hoseok is about to walk over, Kihyun grabs his shoulder to stop him, Hoseok turning around to face him. “Be careful, okay?” Kihyun says, and he leans down to Hoseok for a quick, achingly-sweet kiss. Hoseok smiles into it, and when they pull away from each other, his eyes stay closed for the briefest, sweetest moment, and Kihyun’s heart swells with love at the sight of Hoseok’s eyes fluttering back open, their dark, rich brown so unbelievably beautiful. They look at each other with love sparkling in their eyes and Kihyun smiles, cheeks pink and full and warm. 

The bandits, of course, take the opportunity to heckle. “No silly lover-boy is ever stealin’ this from us,” one of them shouts. “Go back to your picnic and your field of flowers or whatever.” 

Hoseok turns away from Kihyun and towards the bandits, then steps forward slowly to face them, and he looks so good that Kihyun has to resist the urge to fan himself, instead leaning forward eagerly to watch his fiancé being all hot and handsome and badass. He rests with his elbows on the saddle, his chin in his hands and his eyes wide with excitement. 

“You’d be surprised,” Hoseok says, and Kihyun laughs because he already knows what Hoseok is going to say next. “How love can make you stronger.” 

And Kihyun screams out loud at that, cringing at how cheesy it is, burying his face in his hands as his whole body shakes with laughter. He’s really having the time of his life right now. 

There’s a long moment of tense silence, all of the bandits with their hands hovering over their pistols, and Hoseok’s got his hand on his pistol too. They’re all staring each other down, and despite everything, Kihyun is holding his breath, because things suddenly feel serious. He knows that it’s not really a fair fight, that they can’t do anything at all to Hoseok and that Hoseok is already rigged to win, and yet, it feels so real, and Kihyun is filled with excitement and thrill, his mouth parted slightly as he watches the scene with wide eyes. He sees Hoseok’s hand move slightly as the seconds pass all too slowly, the tension building and building, everything still and silent for what feels like endless, endless hours. 

And then, all at once, the four men all reach for their pistols, but Hoseok is the fastest. And bam bam bam like lightning, Hoseok hits all three of the bandits dead-on exactly where he was aiming. But Hoseok being Hoseok, he doesn’t hit them to kill them; Hoseok would never kill anyone, not even a criminal, not even a machine (unless maybe Kihyun’s life was genuinely in danger; that would be a different story entirely). But he does get them perfectly in their shoulders, and all three drop to the ground, cursing and sputtering and clutching their bloody arms in a flurry of limbs and dust and groaning. Their horses run away, scared from the noise, and even Kihyun and Hoseok’s horse shifts a bit, Kihyun gently petting her mane to calm her down. 

“That’s just Hoseok,” Kihyun whispers to the horse, soothing it until it stops fidgeting. “He would never hurt you or me ever, he’s here to protect us.” 

And Hoseok stands there strong and confident with his pistol still in hand, the bandits scrambling to their feet and the two underlings running after their horses. The leader drops the bag he had been carrying into the dirt, abandons it completely as he runs away. 

“Take your prize, lover-boy,” he growls out as they all run away. And Hoseok waits until they’re completely out of sight before triumphantly retrieving the package, turning back to Kihyun with a huge grin on his face. 

They both know that this was an extremely easy, beginner narrative, one designed for families with small children visiting the park, but still, Kihyun can’t help but feel so proud of his fiancé. And he looks so handsome right now, Kihyun is practically salivating. 

“How’d I do?” Hoseok asks, suddenly shy and sweet, right back to his normal self. 

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” Kihyun coos, narrowing his eyes flirtatiously. “I’m so attracted to you right now it’s sickening.” 

Hoseok chuckles, blushing again, and with that, he gets back up on the horse, Kihyun scooting back so that Hoseok can take his place at the front. They ride back into town, Kihyun being extra flirtatious and teasing as he holds onto Hoseok from behind again, and he keeps murmuring filthy dirty talk into Hoseok’s ear about what he wants Hoseok to do to him later, and Hoseok keeps sputtering and misguiding the horse, much like what Hoseok did to him when they were riding together on the first day. And so, it takes them twice as long to ride back to where they came from, but Kihyun is enjoying it all so much he doesn’t care one bit. This is all just part of it, the crackling beginnings of their foreplay. 

When they arrive back into the town, they return the package to the criminal, who gratefully awards them with their prize. And it’s not gold or jewels or even expensive whiskey, no, it’s nothing like that. 

It’s a coupon for 20% off their next trip to Westworld. 

Kihyun hollers with laughter as Hoseok stares befuddled at the paper, even more so when Hoseok asks the host what the fuck kind of award this is supposed to be. 

“Well, it doesn’t look like anythin’ to me,” the host says. “But supposedly, you know what it is, and it’s a great reward that you’ve been seekin’ for a long time, somethin’ you’ll appreciate more than gold or jewels or anythin’ else.” 

Hoseok chuckles nervously and Kihyun just hits his arm as he shrieks with laughter. “Thanks a lot,” Hoseok says, grimacing, and they leave the host at that, laughing to themselves at the shamelessness of the park giving them _that_ as their reward for their work. 

Kihyun squeezes Hoseok’s shoulder as they make their way back to the saloon, whispering fondly in his ear, “Don’t worry, you’ll get your real reward soon.” And he feels the shiver go through Hoseok at that, Hoseok letting out a little sigh as Kihyun brushes his lips over Hoseok’s ear, sticking out his tongue for a tiny, little kitten lick that has Hoseok nearly tripping over his own feet. 

The sun sets behind them as they make their way back through the little town, the hosts and guests all coming out for their nighttime adventures. Soon, this place will be lit up with the sounds of drunken brawls, bars packed with patrons, shootouts and fistfights and all sort of chaos and dark mischief. And it’s perfect, because Kihyun knows that they’re about to be very noisy themselves as they arrive back at the saloon, stowing away their horse and then quietly and quickly rushing upstairs to their room, slamming the door behind them. 

Sure enough, Kihyun immediately presses Hoseok up against the door and grabs for his face, kissing him fiercely in a rush of heat and adrenaline. When he breaks away and looks into Hoseok’s eyes, Hoseok is breathing heavily and flushed, his own eyes just as dark and heated, and Kihyun murmurs, “Time for your reward for being so brave today, big boy.” 

They start kissing again, over and over and over, their heads tilting and faces moving together to make each kiss a perfect fit, rough and hot and messy and wet up against the door, Kihyun clutching Hoseok’s face hard and pressing in close and Hoseok’s arms wrapped around Kihyun’s waist pulling him in even closer, the two of them rubbing against each other with abandon, their combined weight banging loudly against the door as their hands roam over each other’s bodies. It’s hot and steamy and electric and each kiss feels wetter, deeper, each touch hotter and harder, like they’re trying to fuse together and Kihyun just wants all of Hoseok right here, right now, and all at once. 

And then, Hoseok is suddenly manhandling Kihyun and flipping their position, slamming Kihyun against the wall next to the door, rutting into him with powerful rolls of his hips as Kihyun bites at Hoseok’s lips and tugs at his hair harshly. Kihyun throws his head back as Hoseok breaks away from their kissing to mouth at Kihyun’s jaw and down his throat to his collarbone, and Kihyun moans loud and shameless, until Hoseok is lifting him up by his thighs and pressing him up and forward into the wall, Kihyun’s legs quickly moving to wrap securely around Hoseok’s waist. 

Hoseok returns to kiss Kihyun’s lips and at this point, they’re barely hitting each other’s mouths on target, basking in every hot, wet contact that they can manage as their tongues press together and they whine and moan down each other’s throats, Hoseok pushing Kihyun into the wall so hard with each kiss that the whole room seems to shake, Hoseok gripping onto Kihyun’s thighs bruisingly, so _wonderfully_ hard. 

It’s when Kihyun starts to tremble all over with need that Hoseok finally lowers him down, immediately reaching for his cheeks as Kihyun’s hands wrap around Hoseok’s waist, sliding up and roaming over his broad back as they keep making out, Kihyun’s fingers digging into Hoseok’s shoulder blades as they start moving away from the wall and across the room. 

They start stripping each other in between kisses, touching each other all over in a flurry of heat and skin as they approach the bed, Kihyun clinging onto Hoseok tightly and sucking on his lips, on his tongue, until they’re both finally naked, and Hoseok breaks away, hoisting Kihyun up by his waist and throwing him onto the bed like a little doll, Kihyun bouncing slightly as he hits the mattress. And Hoseok follows immediately after, the bed frame creaking loudly as he crawls on top of Kihyun, and Kihyun’s whole body feels like it’s sparking with heat, his head swimming with thick, heavy desire. 

Hoseok only pauses when he’s right on top of Kihyun, hovering over him on all fours just like he had this morning, and they share a heated, lustful, wild look, panting, Hoseok’s lips wet with spit and his face flushed, his beautiful chest heaving and his hair hanging down in his eyes. The bed creaks at every tiny movement he makes, and his cock is hard and thick and so big bobbing against his stomach, and Kihyun’s ass feels hot and empty, quivering with a need to be stretched open and filled, and he can’t help but moan loudly at their proximity, at the heat radiating off of Hoseok’s body and the hungry look in Hoseok’s eyes. 

From there, they lose themselves in their passion, and Hoseok fucks Kihyun all night on that bed, both of them insatiable with incredible stamina that neither one even knew that they were capable of. And it isn’t the sweet, romantic sex that they normally enjoy; this is all pure heat and energy, the kind of sex where all shame and shyness is forgotten, replaced only by skin and mouths and teeth and hands and the sublime _feeling_ of each other. All they want now _is_ each other, and they want each other in every way, they want to sink each other’s skin and combust from the wet, messy desire sizzling between them. 

Hoseok fucks Kihyun in every possible position, hot and fast and rough, Hoseok throwing Kihyun around like he weighs nothing and Kihyun clinging onto him desperately, digging his fingers into Hoseok’s skin and crying out loud and broken, his voice resounding loudly through the room and probably the entire building. 

Hoseok fucks him missionary and then with Kihyun on his stomach, and Kihyun rides Hoseok while facing him then rides Hoseok while facing away, and Hoseok takes Kihyun from behind with them both on all fours, takes Kihyun from behind while standing with Kihyun bent over the bed, takes Kihyun from behind with Kihyun pressed up against the window, splayed out with his face pressed into the cool, smooth glass. They just can’t get enough of each other, and with each climax, things get more and more intense, and the recovery period between each round grows longer and more indulgent, and soon, Kihyun feels like he’s floating, his body fully pliant and complete only with Hoseok’s cock inside of him. 

It’s just before dawn when they’re finally too exhausted to continue, their final round with Kihyun on his back and his thighs slung over Hoseok’s shoulders as Hoseok pounds into him mercilessly at first, then slower and deeper as they approach climax together, finally tumbling over the edge in a rush of smooth, intense pleasure so sweet like pure light, rolling through them together in one perfect, arching wave. And now, they’re collapsed into a pile of hot, sticky, sweaty limbs, all tangled up and curled in together, chests heaving and their bodies flushed all over and damp with sweat and fluids, and Kihyun is suffocating a bit underneath Hoseok’s weight but he swears he’s never felt so good in his entire life. 

“Wow,” Kihyun says, breathless, his face buried in Hoseok’s chest. “That was just the pre-honeymoon. How are you possibly going to top this later? No pun intended.” 

Hoseok laughs out loud at that, his whole body shaking as he chuckles. He leans down to nuzzle his face affectionately in Kihyun’s hair, positively radiating happiness and love, and Kihyun feels the same, their love filling the entire room, the entire world like sweet, rosy magic. 

“I gladly accept the challenge,” Hoseok murmurs. 

Kihyun leans back from Hoseok’s chest to look up and into his eyes, and Hoseok strokes his face and skin so lovingly, and soon Kihyun is rolling on top of Hoseok for more sweet little kisses and sublime skin-on-skin contact. Their legs tangle together and they kiss slow and gentle, smiling into the kisses and Hoseok holding Kihyun’s little body so carefully, squeezing his ass and his hips and his waist and Kihyun cupping Hoseok’s face like it’s the entire world (it is). 

Their kisses grow slower and slower and slower, and soon between each kiss, they’re opening their eyes to look at each other, then closing them again to kiss, and soon, Kihyun is breaking away from Hoseoks lips to kiss his face and cheeks, and Hoseok’s hands are still holding Kihyun so close, wrapping tight around Kihyun’s waist as he hums in contentment deep and low in his chest. 

They finally break apart then and curl into each other, cuddling like that, and eventually, they start to doze off, even as the sun begins to rise in the sky and shine through the splits in the curtains. Hoseok dozes off first with his arms still wrapped around Kihyun’s waist as Kihyun coos sweet nothings and plays with Hoseok’s hair, resting with his arms crossed on Hoseok’s chest, and when Hoseok falls asleep, snoring gently and his chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm (and Kihyun moving up and down with it), Kihyun sighs and just looks at him, really just _looks_ at him. 

All Kihyun wants is to love Hoseok. 

And Kihyun thinks about what Hoseok said to him on their first night, that he couldn’t live without him. Kihyun is still thinking about it, about the strange look in Hoseok’s eyes, about the way that they made love so sweet and slow, so different from tonight and yet, with those same underlying feelings, the same all-consuming love that they have for each other. The truth is, Kihyun doesn’t think that he could live without Hoseok either. 

He _knows_ that he couldn’t live without Hoseok. 

He knows that they’re always meant to walk together, side by side, in this world, in the real world, in any world they’re meant to be in together. There is no Hoseok without Kihyun, and no Kihyun without Hoseok. 

And it’s with that thought in mind that Kihyun wraps his arms around Hoseok’s shoulders, rests his cheek against Hoseok’s chest, and falls asleep to the sound and the feeling of their shared, slow breathing and their hearts beating together as one.


	10. Chapter 10

The last person that Changkyun expects to see in his lab in the middle of the work day is Minhyuk. 

True, it’s not unusual for their little circle of friends to visit each other during the day. They all work in different parts of Delos and its subsidiaries, and so they have plenty of excuses and opportunities. But Minhyuk works high up in Delos management, while Changkyun is down in Behavior and Diagnostics as a programmer along with his best friend Jooheon, who’s busy at the moment working on a new host. 

Minhyuk is one of his friends that he just doesn’t get to see very much when they’re all working, simply because there’s rarely ever the need for the higher-ups to directly consult with the humble programmers. And even when there is a need, it’s usually resolved through a quick video call or text message, never an in-person visit. For all intents and purposes, Changkyun and Minhyuk might as well be strangers when they’re both at work. 

That’s why it’s such a surprise when Changkyun hears someone knocking on the glass walls of his workstation and turns around to see that it’s Minhyuk, of all people. He’s dressed in his normal work clothes, suit and tie, but he doesn’t look like he’s been working. In fact, if Changkyun didn’t know any better, he’d say that it looks like Minhyuk’s been crying. 

His suit is rumpled, and his tie is loose around his neck, and his eyes are red and puffy, his face pale as death, and he’s got this shattered look in his eyes, something heartbreaking and intense. Changkyun’s almost afraid to let him in, as if keeping Minhyuk out of his workstation will keep the obvious bad news that he came with from becoming reality, like it won’t exist if Minhyuk doesn’t get the chance to tell him about it. 

Nonetheless, Changkyun lays down his tablet on his small desk and stands cautiously from his chair, going over to open the door. He’s not busy at the moment, anyway. He hasn’t got a host to work on in front of him, and he’s mostly just been messing around with some new code on his tablet, waiting for his lunch break in twenty minutes. 

Minhyuk steps inside hurriedly and closes the door behind him right away, his eyes wide and glassy. He keeps biting into his lower lip and swallowing hard, Changkyun notices. 

“Changkyun,” Minhyuk says, and his voice sounds hoarse. He looks right into Changkyun’s eyes, and his gaze is frantic and sad. “Hoseok, he...” 

Changkyun’s heart stops, his blood running ice-cold. Minhyuk can’t even finish his sentence; he lifts his hands to his face and starts sobbing loudly. His shoulders shake, and tears stream from the cracks in his fingers, and Changkyun rushes over to pull him into a tight hug without hesitation. Minhyuk buries his face in Changkyun’s throat, clings onto him with his arms slipping tightly around Changkyun’s waist. 

And Changkyun just holds Minhyuk, lets Minhyuk squeeze his body painfully tight as he cries and cries and cries for a few long minutes, and it feels like the world is crumbling down all around them. Changkyun himself is shocked, too shocked to even know how to properly react to this. He can feel his thoughts and his emotions all screeching to a halt inside his head, almost as if frozen in denial, a cold and terrifying calm settling over his entire body. 

It’s only when Changkyun’s head starts to ache, when the reality starts to trickle in that he separates from Minhyuk, slowly and carefully, both of them taking a step back to give each other some space to breathe, though Changkyun’s chest still feels so tight, like the whole lab is losing oxygen fast. 

“What happened?” Changkyun finally asks, voice quiet. His head feels dense and full, like it’s stuffed with hot air. He still can’t believe it, his brain refuses to accept it. 

“In his bathtub,” Minhyuk says, and he can barely get the words out. He’s shaking all over and tears keep trickling out of the corners of his eyes as he speaks. “He...oh my God, Changkyun, there was so much blood. Every time I blink it’s the only thing that I can see. Oh God...” 

Changkyun feels like he might be sick, his stomach churning and a wave of nausea passing over him and through him. “How did this happen?” he asks. “When...?” 

“It happened sometime this morning,” Minhyuk says. He grabs a tissue from the box on Changkyun’s desk and blows his nose loudly, trembling. “He didn’t show up for work, and he didn’t answer any calls or texts since last night. He knew we’d all be busy, he knew that it would take some time for us to notice his absence. And he’s been quiet for a while now, so we’ve all been lax about watching him, we thought maybe he was getting better, and oh God, Changkyun...” 

Minhyuk stops his frantic, devastated rambling and looks up to the ceiling for a moment, swallows hard. 

“They sent me to identify the body, and Changkyun...God, Changkyun...he left a note,” Minhyuk says. 

Changkyun’s blood runs cold all over again. “Oh Minhyuk,” Changkyun says, his voice quiet. “I’m so...” 

“Changkyun,” Minhyuk interrupts, lowering his gaze and looking right at him. It’s a strange look on Minhyuk’s face, and Changkyun doesn’t quite know what to make of it. He feels tense. 

“The note is for you,” Minhyuk says. 

Changkyun’s mouth goes dry. 

“Me?” he asks. He doesn’t understand. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would the note be just for him? 

Minhyuk nods, sniffling, and he pulls a folded scrap of paper out of his jacket pocket. It’s closed with a piece of tape, still unbroken; Minhyuk hadn’t read it. 

The paper is just thin notebook paper probably torn out in a rush of emotion, and Changkyun can see through it that there’s a lot written, an entire page of cramped text. It has “Changkyun” scribbled on one side in Hoseok’s familiar handwriting, and Changkyun feels numb as he takes it from Minhyuk. Minhyuk just watches him, eyes increasingly concerned. 

“Are you alright, Changkyun?” Minhyuk asks. “You seem strangely calm about all of this.” 

Changkyun starts, a fresh wave of nausea spreading through him. “What are you talking about, Minhyuk? I–” 

“I’m sorry,” Minhyuk says, closing his eyes and shaking his head quickly. “I’m sorry, I know everyone handles grief in different ways. I’m just. I’m losing my mind.” Minhyuk sobs again, and Changkyun pulls him back into a hug, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down Minhyuk’s back. 

“Hoseok’s dead, Changkyun...” Minhyuk says quietly, and Changkyun finally feels some of the emotion he’s been holding back starting to take hold, a few tears spilling down his cheeks at the feeling of Minhyuk’s trembling body in his arms, all of their shared grief manifesting into the air around them. They separate after several moments and Changkyun still feels so shocked, still so unable to believe that any of this is real, despite the fact that, frankly, all of them had been expecting this to happen eventually. They were just never prepared for the day to finally come, Changkyun supposes. 

“I’ll leave you alone to take a look,” Minhyuk says, wiping his eyes with the backs of his hands. “I don’t think I can look at it right now. And I have ten-thousand other things to do to deal with this and to clean this all up and I just–” 

With that, Minhyuk bursts into a fresh round of tears. And Changkyun doesn’t know what else to do but to reach out to squeeze his shoulder gently until he calms down enough to head back out into the world, leaving Changkyun alone to face the harrowing piece of paper he clutches now in his hands. 

Changkyun sighs, takes a seat in one of the small, metal chairs beside his desk, then opens the note to read it with shaking hands. 

 

_Changkyun,_

_I’m not going to waste any time talking about why I did what I did. Everyone already knows exactly why I did it, and there’s no point in trying to articulate my feelings now, when there’s no longer anything that can be done to change my mind. And I know that any words I say to try to explain myself will only cause pain to you and to everyone else, and I’ve had enough of hurting those I love, so I will treat this letter as what I’m intending it to be: a final wish, stated as plainly and clearly as possible._

_I’m writing to you because I have a favor to ask of you, as your friend and as your hyung. You are one of the few people left in this world whom I trust implicitly, absolutely. This is my dying wish, Changkyun, and only you can make this happen. You, and Jooheon. If you’re wondering why I addressed this letter only to you, it’s because I know you are the only one who will be able to act quickly and rationally; Jooheon is much too sensitive a soul, and he will need your guidance for what I’m about to ask of you._

_In departing this world, I have unburdened and freed many who were burdened and trapped by me, yes, but I have also left something behind, something that depended on me and won’t be able to function alone. The Kihyun host that I brought into this world, it needs someone to watch over it. I can’t bear the thought of the host being destroyed, or retired to cold storage, or repurposed and reprogrammed into a new narrative._

_I don’t know how to put this delicately, so I’m just going to say it: I want you to build a host version of me, Changkyun, one who can care for and protect the Kihyun host now that I’m gone. I want the Kihyun host to stay on its current narrative loop, everything maintained and continued as it has been for the past year, but I’d like a Hoseok host to be added in as if it’s the real me and nothing has changed._

_I had originally planned to destroy the Kihyun host myself, along with Kihyun and I’s old home out in the suburbs and all of our possessions, but had a change of heart and decided that this was to be the best course of action instead. And now that the Kihyun host will live on even after I die, I will only be able to rest peacefully with Kihyun himself knowing that the host Kihyun will be cared for by the closest thing to the real me that it can get._

_I know what you must be thinking, how will you possibly build a host version of me from scratch as I did with Kihyun? The truth is, you won’t have to, and the Kihyun host was not built entirely from scratch either, though my own knowledge and understanding of Kihyun certainly did much of the heavy lifting when it came to his programming. For that intimate knowledge and understanding, you can find help from the Kihyun host himself. It has all of the memories and knowledge of me that the real Kihyun had, after all, and will provide a proper baseline for your programming._

_As for the rest, you can use the Delos guest profiles, specifically, the data collected on me from my visits to the park. I don’t know whether or not you were ever made aware of this information (though I suspect not) but Delos has been collecting data on every guest visiting Westworld since it opened, through footage of their actions in the park, transcripts of their encounters with the hosts, and even brain scans conducted through the clothing given to the guests to wear (the hats, in particular, have been immensely helpful in collecting that data)._

_Everything that Delos and the parks, including Westworld, claim to be is a complete and utter lie. The idea was never to create theme parks to entertain guests. It was always about the data, about collecting enough information on real, living people to someday be able to make host copies of real, living people, in the service of human immortality. That has always been the true purpose of Westworld, and of everything that Delos has been working on all these years with the host technology._

_You can find all of the data that’s been collected, all of the guest profiles including my own, in a separate facility from the Mesa, a facility within Westworld called the Forge. Minhyuk can take you there, once he is calm enough to be able to help you, as I’m sure that upon news of my death he will be inconsolable, and for that, as for everyone’s pain, I am truly sorry._

_The data of the original trip that I took with Kihyun has been erased, as even then I had already known about the Forge and the guest profiles and did not want such sensitive, invasive information stored and vulnerable to being stolen or abused, for Kihyun’s safety more than my own. However, I didn’t ever bother to erase any of the data of my trips with the Kihyun host, so you can use that data to help you._

_Because you will be using that imperfect data, this copy of me will not know that he is a host, will believe absolutely that he is human, but will know that the Kihyun host is indeed, a host. You must make whatever modifications necessary to make sure that that balance doesn’t change._

_You may face some issues with management on it, but leave it all to Minhyuk and to my estate to deal with. This will be a closed narrative, one that won’t allow any interactions with guests; I don’t want anyone else interacting with either of these hosts under any circumstances, their closed narrative can exist as background to the rest of the park, as there are plenty of other closed narratives that function in the same way._

 

Changkyun has to stop then, because from there, Hoseok goes into more detailed, more thorough instructions about what exactly he wants Changkyun to do, the details of what will need to happen with the programming and creation of a Hoseok host. And the whole thing is so utterly, disturbingly calm and logical, it’s clear that Hoseok knew exactly what he was doing and thought everything through before he ended his life. And that’s not to even start on all of the other information Hoseok revealed, about all of the insane, unethical activity that their company is doing, but Changkyun can’t even begin to process any of that right now, not with everything else on his plate. Not with what Hoseok has asked him to do. 

Changkyun sighs, leans forward, rests his face in his hands and closes his eyes as he thinks. He doesn’t know if he can go through with this. Not only is it insane, not only could so many things go wrong, but...it’s not what either of them would have really wanted, to exist as copies of copies in an endless loop. Kihyun and Hoseok don’t deserve this, and as their friend, Changkyun wants anything but to have to do this. But what else can he possibly do, when this was Hoseok’s final, dying wish? 

It’s then that Changkyun thinks about a certain theory of consciousness that he once came across in his research, a theory that said that consciousness was a pyramid, and that suffering was at the top. Suffering, the pain that the world is not as you want it to be. True suffering was what always separated the humans from the hosts. Suffering was what made a person truly alive. 

Hoseok was suffering, and now, they’re all suffering.


	11. Chapter 11

On their fifth morning in Westworld, Kihyun and Hoseok wake quite late, the sun already high in the sky and sunlight streaming through the sheer curtains. They’re all tangled together from last night, Kihyun sore and sticky all over, both of them covered in various bruises and bite marks, and Kihyun groans a bit as he detangles himself from his sleeping fiancé, Hoseok blinking slowly at Kihyun’s sudden movements. Hoseok’s eyes find Kihyun’s and he smiles, looking so beautiful and soft that Kihyun has to resist the urge to fall right back into his strong, wonderful arms and sleep forever. 

“Let’s just stay here today,” Hoseok murmurs, his voice deep and groggy with slumber. “Let’s just sleep.” 

Kihyun laughs, because it’s like Hoseok had read his mind. “We’re not going to spend the whole day sleeping,” Kihyun says, rolling his eyes. “Time to get up.” 

Kihyun tries to leave the bed, but Hoseok just clings on to his waist, too strong for Kihyun to escape. “Well, we wouldn’t _just_ be sleeping,” Hoseok says, and Kihyun looks into his eyes and grins, incredulous. 

“I can’t believe you can say that after all we did last night,” Kihyun quips, smirking down at Hoseok. “What are you, an ape?” 

Hoseok doesn’t respond, just leans up and gives Kihyun a quick kiss on the lips, both of their mouths still puffy and swollen from last night. 

“I wish we didn’t have to sleep,” Hoseok says against Kihyun’s lips, eyes fluttering as he runs his hands up and down Kihyun’s back. “I wish I could just spend every second with you.” 

“Well, even when we’re asleep, we’re together,” Kihyun replies, reaching down to stroke Hoseok’s face, his skin warm beneath Kihyun’s fingertips. 

“Yeah,” Hoseok says. “But I mean...I want to be able to remember all of it, every moment I spend with you. And we waste so many hours just sleeping. I’d rather spend that time with you. Talking to you, listening to you, doing things with you, making love to you. Anything. Just you.” 

He looks right into Kihyun’s eyes again and he’s so beautiful that Kihyun feels frozen in place. “I’m only alive when I’m with you,” Hoseok says. 

Kihyun’s heart flutters. “Oh, Hoseok,” he says, and he leans down to brush his lips over Hoseok’s forehead. “It’s time to get out of bed already. You’re still half-asleep, you don’t know what you’re saying.” 

“I know exactly what I’m saying,” Hoseok says, and he watches Kihyun leave to the bathroom, eyes on him the entire time with something serious and deep that Kihyun doesn’t understand, but it has his heart pounding wildly. He feels the same way, but actually hearing Hoseok say it out loud like that, putting those feelings into words and saying them with such conviction, it’s a little overwhelming. 

Hoseok eventually goes back to sleep, snoozes for a while longer, curled around a pillow and muttering Kihyun’s name while Kihyun showers. When Kihyun returns to the bedroom, Hoseok is awake again, leaning back still totally naked in bed and watching Kihyun fondly, his hands crossed behind his head on the pillow, and Kihyun can feel Hoseok’s eyes all over him as he dresses and it makes him feel a little shy. Kihyun blushes and laughs, his eyes briefly skimming over the marks he had left all over Hoseok’s chest and stomach. 

“Stop gawking and start getting dressed, mister,” Kihyun says. “We’re going somewhere nice today.” He throws his towel at Hoseok on the bed and grins. “And if you’re good, you’ll get to see me naked again very, very soon.” 

With that, Hoseok finally gets up and out of bed to shower, and though Kihyun briefly considers joining him for a surprise, he decides to save that particular trick for later and instead, takes the time to look over the map for where they’ll be going today. They’ll be riding out into the wilderness again on the way to a quiet town at the edge of the park, and it’s their last full day here, so they both want it to be very special. About thirty minutes later, they’re both downstairs and packed up on the horse, riding out of town with the sun high in the sky and shining down on them. 

They ride for a long time over an endless stretch of desert, nothing but sand and sky and canyons in the distance surrounding them on all sides, nothing but the wind in their hair and Hoseok’s arms tight around Kihyun’s waist on their trusty horse. Eventually, towards the late afternoon, they get closer to their destination, and the land starts to even out, golden desert sand giving way to white coastal sand, the breeze picking up cooler and the sound of the birds transitioning from hawks to seagulls, the sky growing brighter and bluer and clearer, the air becoming more salt than dust. 

They’ve arrived at the sea. 

It’s a beautiful stretch of coast with glowing, smooth sand and clear, blue water, the wonderful smell of the salt and the calming sounds of the waves crashing to the shore. It goes on for a long while, backed by sand dunes and rocky cliffs, and the ocean goes far out into the distance, the horizon almost out of sight, and the afternoon sun shines down not aggressively as it does in the desert, but warmly to accompany the cool breeze off the surface of the water. 

They ride along the shoreline slowly, taking it all in, until they come across a cove surrounded by large rocks, the perfect place to tie their horse so that they can spend some time here before night falls. They dismount and roll up their pants, kicking off their shoes to walk barefoot along the shore hand-in-hand as they watch the sun beginning to set far out on the horizon, the cool water lapping over their toes as the tide comes in further and further. 

They talk, and they look for shells to take as keepsakes, and they find tidepools and examine the creatures inside, and they play around and chase each other across the sand, and then in the shallows of the water, splashing each other and laughing wildly. Eventually, it all culminates in Kihyun chasing Hoseok out of the water entirely and back onto the dry, warm land, their clothes soaking wet from when they had tumbled into the waves together, and they’re both shrieking now with laughter, their bare feet leaving dark, wet footprints in the sand as they run. 

They go about halfway up the beach and then turn back running towards the ocean again, and just as they hit the shoreline, Kihyun catches Hoseok and playfully knocks him to the ground, the two of them a tangle of limbs in the soft, warm, wet sand, the waves coming up over and over again on top of them, soaking them like an embrace and then retreating. And they just lie there parallel to the line of the sea, Kihyun on top of Hoseok, laughing and laughing and laughing, so overjoyed that it fills their spirits and everything in the air around them. 

Kihyuns sighs deeply and rests his head on his crossed arms on top of Hoseok’s chest, and Hoseok wraps his arms around Kihyun’s waist, runs his hands up and down Kihyun’s body even as the tide keeps coming in beneath them, wet and sandy, gently trying to pull them back out into the sea. 

And Hoseok breathes slowly, his chest moving up and down, and Kihyun can feel his heartbeat again, and Kihyun is so overcome with love that he reaches for Hoseok’s face, suddenly leaning down and kissing him deeply, crawling up his body and straddling Hoseok’s waist with his thighs, pressing Hoseok down as Hoseok’s hands move up Kihyun’s back to his shoulder blades. 

Then, while they’re still kissing, Hoseok uses his strength to roll them over, pinning Kihyun beneath him in the sand, the position switch effortless, Kihyun splayed out on his back and Hoseok balancing on his forearms on top of him and straddling Kihyun’s hips, and they keep kissing, slowly and carefully, savoring each other and basking in the sunset and the salt and the gentle lap of the waves. 

And then, right there in the sand, with the waves coming down over them and the tide all around and under them, they pull down each other’s pants and Hoseok fucks Kihyun slow and smooth, rolling his body like the roll of the ocean, and Kihyun is overwhelmed by Hoseok’s smell and taste and the feeling of his body, his arms and his chest and his thighs, his lips as Hoseok keeps kissing him the whole way through it, interlocking their fingers over Kihyun’s head and squeezing Kihyun’s hands with each deep, powerful thrust of his hips, the two of them stuttering against each other’s mouths as they climax in time with the high tide coming in, and the sand beneath them is like a cushion holding them so perfectly like they hold each other, and when they’re done they just lie there breathing, like they’re molded together and a part of the shore itself, embracing tightly and wrapped together like they’ll never let go. 

The sun starts to dip lower and lower in the sky, and the light of the horizon shifts from blue to purple to indigo, and eventually, they go back into the water to clean up, their energy spiking again, and then back to find their horse resting comfortably at the little cove. And as fun as this was, it’s time to head to their destination for the evening, their last stop in Westworld, the quiet seaside town less than a mile away. And so, they ride under a gorgeous starry sky, silent and beautiful in the great expanse of the universe all around them. 

They arrive at the little town soon after, and it’s quiet, the streets empty, no wild nighttime activities to be found here, everyone already asleep and tucked away for the evening, some of the little houses and shops still lit up with quiet life but mostly dark, and they ride slowly through the town in search of the saloon that they had read about, a charming, friendly little place for them to spend their last night in Westworld together in peace. 

When the finally arrive, they stable their horse and pack away their things, and they book themselves a quaint little room on the third floor, the top floor of this small, cozy house. The window gives them a gorgeous view of the sea in the distance, and the air still smells faintly of the salt, drifts in gently through the open window, and the moonlight shines down on the spacious bed, bright and beautiful and inviting. The room is small and simple, but it’s perfect, exactly what they’re looking for. 

Hoseok goes in the shower first, and this time, Kihyun does join him after several minutes alone, unable to resist the thought of Hoseok’s body all warm and wet again as it had been on the beach. He steps in carefully, kisses Hoseok all over his face and deeply on his lips, and then drops to his knees, mouthing his way down Hoseok’s chest and stomach, and as Hoseok’s hands slide into his hair and the steam swirls around them like a blanket, Kihyun takes Hoseok’s cock into his mouth, blows him slow and deep right there in the shower with the hot water beating down gently all over them, and Hoseok moaning so beautifully as Kihyun swallows down his climax, kissing and licking him all over as Hoseok trembles through it, riding it out and thrusting slowly into Kihyun’s mouth. 

And when Hoseok helps Kihyun to stand back up, he reaches for Kihyun’s face, rubs his thumbs over Kihyun’s cheeks, rubs his thumbs over Kihyun’s puffy wet lips and stares into his eyes, and then he kisses him deeply, and they stay there kissing under the stream of water until it runs from hot to warm to cool and they’re both starting to shiver. Only then, do they finally get out and dry off together under big, soft towels, and they don’t bother to get dressed, just climb right into bed naked together under the sheets, leaving the window open for that wonderful, warm sea air to kiss their bare skin. 

They make love slowly, tenderly. It’s like pure magic, indulgent missionary sex that lasts for hours and hours, just as long as last night but instead of a series of sprints, it’s one single marathon, slow and tantric and perhaps the best of all. They kiss all over each other’s faces and bodies, kiss each other’s hands and ankles and tangle their limbs together, skin pressed to skin as they bring each other to orgasm slowly, slowly, slowly, so slow and steady, building in intensity, that when they both finally climax with the break of dawn, Hoseok nearly faints from it and Kihyun bursts into tears. 

They lie there in bed curled into each other, Kihyun tucked beneath Hoseok’s arm as he runs his hand up and down Hoseok’s chest, and it feels bittersweet, knowing that their time together here in this beautiful place is almost over, and soon, they’ll be back out in the real world, and all of this will be like some beautiful, distant dream. 

And Kihyun still can’t shake the feelings he’s been having, that as wonderful as this has all been, something is going on with Hoseok, something that he’s not telling Kihyun. Kihyun had hoped it would come out naturally in their time here together, and he figures that now is as good a time as any to talk about it, when they’re alone together like this, like the only two people in the world. 

“Is everything alright? With you?” Kihyun asks, tracing his fingers gently over Hoseok’s heart. “You know you can always talk to me about anything, right?” 

Hoseok glances down at him, kisses his temple. “Of course I know that, Kihyunnie. Of course. Don’t worry, everything is fine.” Hoseok sighs, and Kihyun can hear the soft smile in his voice. “Especially now,” he says, his voice like honey, “everything is perfect.” 

Kihyun hums in reply, curls in closer to Hoseok’s warmth, and they lay there in peaceful silence, and soon after, Hoseok drifts off, but Kihyun can’t help but stay awake, anxious thoughts taking hold, really taking hold for the first time since they got here. Maybe it’s because they’re so close to the end, but now it seems that he can no longer put them off, can no longer ignore them. 

He can’t ignore the feeling that something is off, that something strange is going on. He can’t ignore what his intuition is telling him, that something is wrong with Hoseok, and he can’t ignore the strange sense of déjà vu he’s had ever since they got here, all of this so perfect and yet, like something he’s experienced before. Not exactly like this, not exactly, but he can’t help but feel like he’s reliving something he’s already lived. But he knows that it’s impossible, and the disconnect between what he feels and what he knows only makes him more anxious. 

Still, the one feeling he feels stronger than any anxiety is his happiness, his love for Hoseok, and how much he’s enjoyed being here with him. He’s not sure what the future holds, when they’ll next be able to spend time like this together again, but in these last few hours here, he knows he’ll be sure to treasure every moment. 

And it’s with that thought, and the gentle sound of Hoseok’s breathing, that Kihyun is finally able to drift off to sleep in this beautiful fantasy world, enjoy its comforting embrace one last time.


	12. Chapter 12

It’s only been a few weeks since Hoseok committed suicide, and Jooheon can’t believe how everything has just... _gone on_ as if nothing happened, just business as usual as if they weren’t all struck by yet another horrific tragedy. There wasn’t even a funeral; Hoseok had specified in his will that he didn’t want one, that all he wanted was to be buried next to Kihyun. That, and the insane final wish that he left up to Changkyun and to Jooheon, to make a host copy of himself. 

And now, here they are, making that insane final wish come true. 

The truth is, Jooheon finds the entire situation upsetting and, frankly, disturbing. He feels increasingly at odds with himself and the world around him, a conflict raging between his own morals and the last wishes of one of his closest friends, and with every day that passes, he knows he’s getting nearer and nearer to his limit, to the breaking point where he’ll finally just drop everything and walk away from all of this for good. 

But nonetheless, he still loves Hoseok, he still loves Kihyun, and if this is really what Hoseok wanted, he’ll do it for his friend’s sake; it doesn’t mean that he has to feel good about it, though. 

It’s a Tuesday evening, well past business hours, and Jooheon and Changkyun are the last ones still working in the Behavior and Diagnostics lab, everyone else having gone home already for the night. But making a new host from scratch takes time and effort, and with only the guest profile data and the Kihyun host available to use to reconstruct Hoseok’s entire personality and memories, the task is proving difficult even beyond expectations. 

Jooheon feels particularly strange about using the Kihyun host for this project, essentially using a copy to create a new copy. Even for someone like himself who routinely deals with complex, advanced, multi-layered programming, this feels overwhelming, and there are so many ways that it can go wrong, like they’re trying to diffuse a bomb that could blow up in their faces with one wrong step. Programming is delicate, delicate work, and all it takes is one wrong input or one mistake in one host, and the entire infrastructure of Westworld could come crashing down. 

It’s why Jooheon is completely content to follow Changkyun’s lead on this, even though Jooheon was the one who had mentored Changkyun when Changkyun had first started working at Delos, and Jooheon had taught him everything he knows. Changkyun was the one who had done all of the initial design and programming for the new Hoseok host, after all; by the time he had roped Jooheon in on it, the host was already almost finished, just in need of some of Jooheon’s fine-tuning. 

Because the Hoseok host will be programmed into a closed narrative loop with the Kihyun host, they need to run tests of the two hosts and their interactions together before they can be sent out into the park, and tonight will be the first time they attempt some of these tests, the first time that the new Hoseok host will interact with the Kihyun host, and Jooheon would be lying if he said that he wasn’t feeling anxious, unsure what to expect. 

The Kihyun host, especially, concerns him. How will being introduced to this new version of Hoseok affect the glitches that Jooheon has witnessed? What if it rejects the Hoseok host entirely, what will they do then? Jooheon still hasn’t told anyone about what’s been going on with the Kihyun host in maintenance, and he can only imagine how introducing this new element to the equation might bring forth new issues, but he also hopes he’s just being paranoid. 

In any case, the night has to go on, and him and Changkyun still have a lot of work left to do, and there’s no way to know what will happen until they start. Changkyun seems to be thinking along the same lines, because he gives Jooheon this look, impatient, before he asks, “Are you ready to start?” 

Jooheon nods, then turns his attention to the two hosts sitting in front of them, opposite each other in small metal chairs in the center of the room. Both hosts are naked, and as always, it makes Jooheon extremely uncomfortable, his two beloved friends before him on display like objects, but even now as they test the hosts together, they need to make sure that everything is functioning correctly, even things as basic as muscle movement and eye contact, every breath and heartbeat and neuron fired monitored carefully on their tablets. It all needs to be absolutely flawless if they’re to get approval from management to send the hosts out into the park, and that means keeping a careful eye on every last detail. 

Nonetheless, seeing both the Kihyun host and the Hoseok host sitting across from each other and powered off, both naked and still and staring off into space and waiting for the wakeup commands, it’s creepy, to say the least. Jooheon looks at Changkyun again, and Changkyun nods, so Jooheon begins the initial testing on Kihyun. 

“Bring yourself back online, Kihyun,” Jooheon says. 

And with that, the Kihyun host powers on, awakens, and Jooheon goes through the usual round of tests for basic maintenance and fidelity, asking the Kihyun host if it knows where it is, asking it what its core drives are, the usual script. 

He’s thankful that there are no glitches to contend with this time, no unusual responses, because he’s not sure if he’s ready to get into that with anyone just yet, not even Changkyun, who’s probably the only person who might be able to understand why he’s been keeping it a secret and letting it develop despite the risks. 

And Jooheon knows he’s being hypocritical and irrational, worried about flaws in code and bad reactions when he himself has been encouraging the seed of an astronomical glitch to grow, but what can he say, he has mixed feelings about it all, like he’s dealing with an angel and devil on his shoulders, one egging him on and the other telling him that he’s got to get a hold of himself already and put an end to this because it’s dangerous. 

While Jooheon works with the Kihyun host, Changkyun works with the Hoseok host on the other side of the room. As of right now, the two hosts have been programmed to not be able to see each other, but they’ll be altering that programming tonight and testing the host’s interactions for the first time. And Jooheon finishes up with the Kihyun host after just a few short minutes, the programming perfect up to and including the final standby mode command, Jooheon going through all of the motions as easily as breathing. He then turns his full attention to Changkyun’s work to observe the last few rounds of tests on the Hoseok host. 

Jooheon can’t help but to feel a fresh wave of upset at seeing the Hoseok host acting so perfectly, exactly like how he remembers his friend, because the loss is still so fresh, and it just reminds him of everything that’s happened, all the tragedy they’ve experienced in such a short time. The Hoseok host brings Hoseok back to life right before Jooheon’s eyes, sweet, friendly Hoseok, passing all of the tests perfectly and responding to questioning exactly as it’s supposed to. 

Jooheon looks away, closing his eyes and furrowing his eyebrows as he swallows hard. He has to stay professional as always. He’s honoring Hoseok’s final wish, that’s why he’s here. This is what Hoseok wanted, and Jooheon needs to just suck it up and get this done. 

A few moments later, Changkyun finally puts the Hoseok host into standby mode and returns his attention to Jooheon, without a trace of emotion on his face. Jooheon has always been jealous at Changkyun’s ability to do that, to turn off his feelings and get his work finished without any issues or hesitation. 

“Are you ready?” Changkyun asks, and Jooheon nods. 

They both step back to face the two hosts sitting in the chairs, and Changkyun fiddles with his tablet; Jooheon knows he’s removing the programming that prevents them from seeing each other, as well as setting the tablet to scan the code within the encounter for any unseen abnormalities. Jooheon doubts that the tablet program will be able to find any, because he’s got a feeling that the glitches he’s been witnessing go beyond the code itself, go deeper into the very foundation of the Kihyun host, almost like its subconscious. 

He swallows again, anxious. He just hopes that the Kihyun host will accept this copy of Hoseok as the real thing, and vice versa. 

Changkyun gives the proper wake-up commands, and both hosts power on one after the other, blinking slowly as they come back to life. Their eyes meet, and the two of them see each other for the first time, and Jooheon and Changkyun are both holding their breath waiting to see what will happen next. 

As the two hosts look at each other for a few long, silent moments, Jooheon can see their eyes light up with recognition, understanding passing over their faces like light, recognition followed by plain-as-day fondness, love, and Jooheon suddenly feels like he’s intruding on something private and intimate. But then again, hasn’t this entire thing been an intrusion? Do Hoseok and Kihyun even have any privacy anymore? 

Jooheon looks down at his own tablet that’s monitoring the hosts’ vitals, and he can see the code working itself like lightning, manifesting all of the chemical and neural reactions, the changes in heartbeat and breathing. That’s what love is, after all, what it all comes down to, and it isn’t only the hosts who work by code. Jooheon has always believed that humans are just highly advanced computers, and that there’s a logic to everything about them just as there is to the hosts. 

The hosts soon stand up carefully from their seats, still looking at each other, and there’s a short pause and then silence as they both slowly take a step towards each other. And then, the Kihyun host smiles, and suddenly rushes forward and throws its arms around the Hoseok host’s shoulders, the Kihyun host’s eyes slipping closed as it squeezes the Hoseok host tightly, the Kihyun host resting its chin on one of the Hoseok host’s shoulders. 

The responses shown on the tablets clearly demonstrate the hosts’ happiness and affection for each other, the code going wild for the both of them as it takes in all of the new information of their newly programmed sight and as it works to create the new responses, and the Hoseok host laughs as it returns the hug around the Kihyun host’s waist, pulling it in just as tight, the Hoseok host’s hands curling on the Kihyun’s hosts back at the shoulder on one side and down by its hip on the other. 

And despite Jooheon’s guilt about the situation, it’s achingly sweet to witness, and Jooheon can’t help but to smile, because they look so _happy_. He’s never been in love like they have, but he thinks he can understand it, can feel what it’s like when he sees the two of them, or rather, these two perfect copies of them. 

The Hoseok host turns its face to nuzzle the side of the Kihyun host’s hair momentarily before it slots itself perfectly in place, its cheek pressed to the Kihyun host’s cheek and its chin on the Kihyun host’s shoulder. Jooheon and Changkyun watch it all in silence, Changkyun observing all of the data on his tablet as the two hosts stay like they for a long time, holding each other tight, squeezing each other and rocking slightly back-and-forth. Jooheon looks down at the data on his own tablet, observes how their bodies and minds react to each other on a purely physical level, in their very molecules, in their very essences, and it’s really sweet, and Jooheon feels a painful twinge in his heart. 

Kihyun and Hoseok loved each other, they really, really loved each other. It’s plain to see now, and it makes Jooheon sad, because this was their special, secret feeling to share together, and now, it’s all exposed, down to the dilation of their pupils and the heat to their cheeks. It somehow makes it feel less real, Jooheon realizes, and that’s maybe the most disheartening thing of all, to turn something once so beautiful, so _real_ , into something manufactured, artificial. 

A few more moments pass until the two hosts finally separate from their hug, but not from each other. The Kihyun host’s hands slide down to grip onto the Hoseok host’s shoulders as the Hoseok host’s hands slip down to rest at the Kihyun host’s waist. 

Everything is working perfectly according to the readings on the tablets, and it’s such a simple, short scene, and yet, there’s so much going on beneath the surface. Again, Jooheon supposes that that’s the beauty of humanity, even when it’s broken down into numbers and code. And there’s something undeniably special about the Kihyun and Hoseok hosts, they just aren’t like the others. Jooheon suspects it’s because they’re both made from real people, and there’s some special factor that the programmers at Delos can never hope to artificially create within the hosts; they’ll never be able to make someone new, to make a _real_ person entirely from scratch. 

The two hosts just stare at each other in awe, speechless and overjoyed to see each other, the Kihyun host grinning and the Hoseok host breathless with joy. So far, so good. The Kihyun host sighs in happiness, and its eyes travel over the Hoseok host’s face and body, Jooheon watching as its heart rate increases and its breath quickens on the tablet monitor as the Hoseok host speaks. 

“Kihyunnie,” the Hoseok host murmurs, the first line of the script, and the Kihyun host giggles in response, its cheeks turning pink, indicated by the proper code on Jooheon’s tablet, the exact shade of pink that the real Kihyun would have had when he blushed. Perfect. 

The Kihyun host reaches for the Hoseok host’s face, cupping the other host’s cheeks in its hands, and the Kihyun host pulls the Hoseok host in for a kiss, both of them shutting their eyes as their lips meet. The tablet goes crazy with new readings, the brain activity particularly interesting. They are programmed to not see Changkyun and Jooheon right now, to not see any of the lab or anything at all but each other, and Jooheon thinks there’s something nice to all of that. 

The hosts keep kissing, and it’s slow and sweet and romantic as they separate and kiss again, and several times more after that. Jooheon is beginning to feel a bit awkward as he watches, because he has to make sure that even the touch of their lips is replicated perfectly, and he can’t help but blush a bit, but it’s sweet, and it makes his heart feel warm to see. He almost wishes he could just leave the hosts like this, keep them in the lab and let them just stay here together, living this one scene, this one moment over and over again forever rather than subject them to all of the potential dangers of sending them out into the park. 

But then again, it was Hoseok’s wish to have their story together live on, to play out on an endless loop, and Jooheon doesn’t know if he believes in an afterlife, or if this is it, Hoseok’s own version of an afterlife, living on in his own creation the way so many artists and scientists do, his creation shared with Kihyun, the time he and Kihyun experienced together in the park. 

The two hosts finally part with a final, quiet sound, and their eyes open to meet once again. The Hoseok host has moisture building in its gaze as it leans forward to nuzzle its nose against the Kihyun host’s, causing the Kihyun host to burst into fresh giggles. Everything is going well, smoothly, the programming executing flawlessly. The Hoseok host is just on the edge of tears, but not quite crying, a subtle distinction that alone requires thousands of lines of code. And the script is moving along exactly as planned, that is, until the very next moment. 

The two hosts are supposed to separate following their kiss. They’re supposed to separate, and the Kihyun host is supposed to playfully model his outfit, which only the hosts are able to see at the moment. The Kihyun host is then supposed to ask the Hoseok host how he looks, and the Hoseok host will tell him that he’s beautiful, triggering all sorts of sweet physiological responses, thoughts of adventure awaiting them, adventure and fun and romance. 

But instead, the two hosts don’t separate; they stayed wrapped up in each other, and when it goes on past the scripted timing, Jooheon and Changkyun exchange a glance, Changkyun looking curious. Jooheon’s heart rate picks up; he’s worried and excited at the prospect of a new development to the glitch and the chance to watch it play out in this context. What can he say, he knows it’s wrong to be excited but he can’t help it. It’s fascinating, after all. 

The Kihyun host looks into the Hoseok host’s eyes, smiling gently. The Kihyun host then quirks an eyebrow and says, “I think I may have fallen asleep on the train, because I had the strangest dream. About you.” 

Jooheon looks over at Changkyun again, who is now watching with intense focus, and when Jooheon turns back to face the hosts, he knows with certainty that the Kihyun host is remembering its last time with the real Hoseok in the lab, an encounter that should have been erased from its memory, _was_ erased from its memory. The entire encounter had been wiped from the host’s code as always, and yet, here the host is, remembering glimmers of it the way a real person would remember glimmers of a dream. 

The Kihyun host reaches up to stroke the Hoseok host’s face as it continues, and the tablet readings jump, showing strange, unreadable brain activity as the Kihyun host recalls its memories from who-knows-where, somewhere deep, deep in the code that let it have them in the first place. 

“We were in this strange place that I’ve never seen before,” the Kihyun host says. “And you seemed so sad.” 

“But I’m not sad,” the Hoseok host says. According to the tablet readings, it’s a natural improvisation to the Kihyun host going off script. The Hoseok host’s code is reacting in a completely different way to the Kihyun host’s, an improvised but clearly programmed response, and so it appears that while the Kihyun host is glitching, the Hoseok host is not. It’s like, while the Hoseok host is simply adjusting its responses in a reasonable way, as all hosts are programmed to do with unique guest and host interactions, the Kihyun host is ignoring its script entirely, almost like it’s actually _thinking_. And what it all means is that it’s not a problem with the core code that all hosts have, but a problem with the Kihyun host itself, a problem with how its specific code has developed, just as Jooheon suspected. 

"Freeze all motor functions,” Changkyun says suddenly, and the two hosts freeze in place like statues. Jooheon looks at Changkyun, who seems perplexed, but focused, his mind already working frantically to figure out what just happened. 

“Obviously, there’s some kind of glitch allowing the Kihyun host to remember his last interaction with Hoseok, but where...?” Changkyun stares off into space for a moment, thinking hard. 

“Everything was wiped,” Changkyun goes on. “So there’s no way it could possibly be remembering any of it unless that data was stored somewhere else in its programming, somewhere besides its core code or any of the updates. It’s almost as if there’s something deeper within the code.” 

Changkyun scrolls furiously on his tablet, frowning with his eyebrows furrowed as he checks through the code once more, then looks at Jooheon with confusion. 

“Has anything like this ever happened with the Kihyun host?” Changkyun asks him. “You perform its basic maintenance, right?” 

Jooheon sighs, his heart racing but his nerves hidden by a cool demeanor. “No,” he says. “This is the first time that this has happened. There must be an error somewhere.” He pretends to think for a moment, rubbing his forehead before he continues. 

“Maybe whoever wiped it did a lousy job and missed something, or the wiping program itself has a bug.” he goes on. “We should just try wiping and resetting again, I’m sure it will be fine.” 

Changkyun looks at Jooheon curiously for a long, long time, and he doesn’t seem entirely convinced by Jooheon’s feigned ignorance. “Best not to let this glitch go any further,” he says, slowly, eyes wide. “It could be contagious to the other hosts, or it could already be dormant in the other hosts. And it could be dangerous if we don’t catch it in time.” 

Jooheon nods, breath caught in his chest until Changkyun turns away from him. “I’ll try wiping it once more tomorrow morning,” Changkyun says. “Back to before its last encounter with Hoseok, and we can try again. If the glitch persists, well, we’ll decide where to go from there.” 

With that, Changkyun turns back to the hosts, giving them the proper commands, and Jooheon watches as the two hosts return to their seats and shut off into sleep mode within just a few short moments, back to the lifeless dolls from before. It’s eerie, and Jooheon makes sure to save the recording of this particular round of testing for later use. 

It’s getting late, and they both start packing up, Jooheon lost in thought, everything a buzz in the background as he wonders what he should do next. Maybe it’s time to come clean to Changkyun after all. It was easy to deny the dangers to himself, but hearing Changkyun say it out loud has made Jooheon uneasy. Before Jooheon has a chance to work up the nerve, however, Changkyun is the one who breaks the silence. 

“Not the worst first testing ever,” Changkyun says, cheerfully. He gives Jooheon a small smile, the intensity from before vanishing as coworker Changkyun gives way to best friend Changkyun. Jooheon smiles back and nods in agreement. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then,” Changkyun says, reaching for his coat and slipping it on. “Get a good sleep okay? You’ve been working really hard and, of course, things haven’t exactly been easy for any of us.” 

Jooheon smiles wider at his friend as he puts on his own coat, feeling a burst of fondness for him, and a fresh wave of guilt at all that he’s been hiding. “You too,” Jooheon says. 

Jooheon stays behind a bit longer to properly shut down and secure all of the equipment while Changkyun leaves, and Jooheon waits until Changkyun is completely gone from the building before he powers on his tablet again, keeping an eye on the hosts just sitting there, creepy and still, frozen in sleep mode. He looks at the Kihyun host in particular as he pulls up its code again on his tablet. 

He begins backing up of all of the host’s previous data onto his own private drive to look at later, and he suddenly feels guilty again, really, terribly guilty, for using his friends and their memories for his own selfish reasons, for lying to Changkyun, for putting everyone at risk all for the sake of his dumb little experiment. 

It’s then that he realizes that he can’t really justify what he’s doing, and that no matter how much his curiosity may protest, it’s time to silence the devil on his shoulder, because this was the wrong thing to do from the start and even now, it can only end badly. 

He takes a deep breath and then, before he can change his mind, he deletes his saved copy, and all of the other data that he had been saving up against protocol, shaking his head at himself at how he let this go so far. Changkyun will delete the rest of the glitchy data in the morning and they’ll finally be able to do their jobs properly, and carry out what Hoseok had asked of them. No more problems, no more glitches. He owes his friends that. And he decides, then, that he’ll tell Changkyun the truth tomorrow, too, because Changkyun will understand and will forgive him. 

As he finishes locking up and leaves the lab for the night, Jooheon can’t help but shake the feeling that this isn’t over yet, that his change of heart won’t mean a thing, that his little experiment didn’t even mean a thing, because the glitch could be bigger than him, bigger than the Kihyun host, and maybe it can’t be stopped or controlled. Maybe it’s already inside all of the hosts, _dormant_ just like Changkyun suggested, and the Kihyun host just happened to... _wake up_ , for whatever reason. 

And moral ambiguity has always been a part of the job, that’s true, and it’s easy to say that things like privacy and playing God don’t matter when you’re getting paid six figures and able to live your childhood dreams of playing with robots for a living. But it’s times like this that Jooheon worries about the future, where this is all going, his own legacy when he dies someday. 

Because the truth is, there’s no erasing what they’ve all done here. 

And unknown to Jooheon, or anyone else, Changkyun too is keeping a secret that he shouldn’t be keeping.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my second update in two days, so please make sure you don't miss the previous chapter by mistake before reading this one ^^

Kihyun and Hoseok’s last day in Westworld is spent riding back to Sweetwater in a huge arch from the edge of the seaside town so that they make a complete circle back to where they started, just as they had planned. It’s a quiet, peaceful day, uneventful but wonderful, and along the journey they just enjoy each other’s company in relaxing silence, taking in the natural beauty and the last few precious hours together as they pass by all of the other beautiful places here that will be waiting for them on their next adventure. It’s nice, but it’s also sad. Truly bittersweet, because they loved being here and will treasure these memories, and of course, neither of them want it to ever end. 

Soon, they’ll have to go back out into the real world, and though they’ll be together as always, it will be back to life as usual, the two of them apart most hours of the day for work, and tired and stressed most evenings. And yes, they’ll always have each other to make it through the tough times, to heal and to care for each other as they live one day at a time, but they’ll miss the freedom they had here, and Kihyun knows that they’ll both do whatever they can to be able to find it again, and that they _will_ find it, as long as they’re together they’ll make it through anything and be able to find happiness together. So it’s really not so bad, after all, but that doesn’t mean that Kihyun won’t miss this beautiful, beautiful place. 

Hoseok takes the long way, guiding their horse slowly and lethargically, and yet, they arrive back in Sweetwater just before sunset, their time together ending all too soon, the minutes trickling faster and faster away as they get closer to where they’ll exit the park, because their time is almost up. 

They park their horse at the edge of town where it will be retrieved by the park workers after all of the guests have left and will be reset to be used for different guests, and after saying goodbye to their faithful companion, they walk hand-in-hand to the train together. Kihyun will ride back first, because he’s scheduled for the first train back to the orientation center, and then back out to the real world, while Hoseok will be alone here for another two hours. And they’ll see each other back at their home later tonight, they know, but for some reason, it feels like a more permanent goodbye, like they may never see each other again, Kihyun’s heart aching painfully at just the thought. 

They arrive to the platform where other guests are all waiting for the train scheduled to arrive within the next few minutes, and they both face each other, holding hands on both sides as they look into each other’s eyes. And they’re both glowing with happiness, Hoseok looking ethereal with the golden light of the setting sun cloaking him from behind. Kihyun wishes he could freeze time right at this moment and stay there forever. He rubs his thumbs over Hoseok’s knuckles with fondness, and it’s not lost on him that this is how they’ll stand when they marry in a few weeks, facing each other like this, hand-in-hand. 

“I had such a wonderful time,” Kihyun says. “I loved being here with you. This is the greatest time I’ve ever had in my life.” 

He feels himself starting to get emotional, everything catching up to him in one swoop, all of the overwhelming _love_ he’s felt the past few days and, if he’s being honest, all the love he’s felt since the day he met Hoseok, rushing through him all at once. He feels a hot tear roll down his cheek, and Hoseok looks at him like he’s about to cry, too. He just looks so, so sad, and for some reason, it breaks Kihyun’s heart, like he’s the one responsible for Hoseok’s grief. 

“Hey,” Kihyun continues, murmurs softly. “I’ll see you again soon, so don’t be sad. We’ll only be apart for a few hours. And even though the world out there is rough, as long as we’re together, that’s all we’ll ever need.” 

Hoseok doesn’t answer right away. He’s staring right into Kihyun’s eyes, his lips parted slightly, and he looks like he’s feeling a million things at once, deep in thought, a light flush to his pale cheeks. But eventually, he gives a small, sad smile and sighs. “Yes,” he says. “Of course. I’ll see you again soon.” 

“I love you so much,” Kihyun says, and he releases Hoseok’s hands to wipe the tears that have started rolling down Hoseok’s cheeks with his thumbs, then cups Hoseok’s face between his palms, stroking his skin soothingly. 

“I’ll always love you,” Kihyun says. “And I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

Hoseok closes his eyes, and more tears fall, and he lets out a sad little chuckle that Kihyun doesn’t understand. Hoseok then opens his eyes and brings both of his hands on top of Kihyun’s, squeezing lightly. “I love you, Kihyunnie,” Hoseok says. “I love you more than anything else. You’re all I need, too.” 

Hoseok sighs, his eyes fluttering, and Kihyun feels lost in a trance within their depths. “I love you,” Hoseok says again. “I’ll always love you. Always. Forever.” 

Kihyun lowers his hands to Hoseok’s shoulders, the two of them maintaining eye contact, and Hoseok’s hands move down to grip lightly onto Kihyun’s waist, and then they’re leaning in for a full, sweet kiss in the glow of the sunset, Kihyun’s hands sliding up to Hoseok’s nape as they pull each other in close. 

The train is coming, Kihyun can hear it arriving fast, but all he can focus on right now is Hoseok’s lips, soft and warm and gentle, wonderful against his own as they kiss softly, romantic and lush, tilting their faces deep and slow. And when they part, they look into each other’s eyes, and Kihyun swears his lips are tingling, little fireworks going off in his belly and in his heart. 

Hoseok’s eyes are sparkling, and he leans forward to leave a soft kiss on Kihyun’s forehead, then tilts his face down and brushes their noses together, and it’s ticklish, and they both giggle, and Hoseok is so close that he’s all that Kihyun can see. 

The train roars to a stop nearby and Kihyun can smell the smoke, but he doesn’t move as Hoseok’s strong arms wrap around his waist and his hands move up to Kihyun’s back as he pulls him in close again, Kihyun’s arms winding around Hoseok’s shoulders as they embrace tightly, both sharing the desperate thought that maybe if they don’t let go now, they won’t _ever_ have to let go. 

The train whistles loudly, and the doors open and passengers start piling on, and Kihyun knows that they can no longer stall, that they can no longer draw this out. It’s time to leave Westworld. 

They unwind from their hug and hold hands until the last possible moment, their fingers gently slipping apart as Kihyun walks back towards the train, not wanting to turn his head away from Hoseok until he absolutely has to. And even when he does reach the platform, Hoseok keeps watching him with tears in his eyes. 

And it’s then, as Kihyun turns to board the train, that the world starts to fade in all around him, as if he’s falling into an abyss, all light and color and clarity slipping away as the world goes dark and blurry, but for some reason, Kihyun understands that this is exactly what’s supposed to happen, his mind slipping away bit by bit as he reaches the door. And he feels at peace, completely at peace, with the knowledge that he’ll be seeing Hoseok again very soon. Somehow, he just knows it. 

And from there, the world goes blank and empty, and Kihyun’s manufactured consciousness blinks out of existence for the 306th time. 

\---------- 

Hyungwon sighs as he stumbles out from one of the humvees in the fleet carrying all of the park cleanup workers, hundreds of them, into the park to reset all of the narratives and hosts for the next round of guests signed up for visits in a few days, and the wheels kick up so much dust that Hyungwon is blinded for just a moment even within his red and white hazmat suit. 

He’s covered head to toe with fresh oxygen pumped into the helmet, but Hyungwon always feels a bit suffocated inside, unable to interact with the world here, usually justified since the hosts are often covered in blood and other...bodily fluids from the guests, and so it’s really for the workers’ own safety and comfort, and also to prevent cross-contamination, though workers, like guests, are allowed to enter the park unprotected if they so wish; Hyungwon would never do it though, not with the things he’s seen. 

The end of a narrative cycle always means a gigantic mess to clean up, a litany of sleepless nights, and though Hyungwon only has to work a few days a week here (along with his part-time gig as a pianist at one of the most expensive restaurants in town), these few days are always difficult, and especially now, when one of the narratives he has to clean up is his own friends’. 

Kihyun and Hoseok. 

At first it was just Kihyun, and that was bad enough, but now, they’re both hosts. And Hyungwon isn’t sure if that makes it easier, or much, much worse. 

He sees them frozen in place, right where they’re supposed to be, the Kihyun and Hoseok hosts having just finished up another cycle of their narrative. The Kihyun host is on the train platform, one leg bent up in the air, stiff where it was paused in the middle of boarding the train that will never come, a train that only it and the other hosts are programmed to see but that is never actually there, and the Hoseok host is standing a few yards away, watching with tears wet on its face. A real train with guests on it will be arriving soon and so Hyungwon, along with the other workers, need to get this place back in order long before then. 

It’s been over a year since Hoseok committed suicide, and the two hosts have gone through their closed loop 306 times now. They don’t ever interact with guests, and Hoseok’s sizable estate is the only thing that’s kept them going, an eternal testament to the two of them, and it always makes Hyungwon sad no matter how many times he’s had to clean them up and reset their story. Today, he’s here to bring them all the way back to maintenance for testing and updates, and in a few days, they’ll go back out into the park good as new to begin all over again. Another cycle. 

Hyungwon approaches the Kihyun host and fiddles with his tablet for a moment to switch it from standby mode to sleep mode, and the host’s eyes flicker shut as it lowers its leg and stands straight and still, its body going pliant as another park worker comes by to retrieve it, picking it up and throwing it over his shoulder like a bag of flour, hauling it into a large truck with dozens of others all in a pile like a mound of corpses. Hyungwon repeats the process with the Hoseok host moments later and winces a little when a park worker throws the Hoseok host right on top of the Kihyun host with a heavy thumping noise. 

Hyungwon then goes about resetting various props and background details, marking on his tablet areas with structural damage or missing items. He cleans up a broken bottle, closes several open doors, opens several closed windows, and pours fresh sand and dust onto the ground, spraying special chemicals into the air to restore the correct atmosphere of the park, every detail returned to perfect condition, every worker with their own list of specific jobs to attend to, mindless and repetitive, and by now, Hyungwon could do this in his sleep, like putting back the pieces to the world’s biggest dollhouse. 

Hyungwon looks out into the sunset, the fake sunset of the Westworld park that won’t set until they restart time here again, a sunset that will be frozen like this for the next few hours, and he’s overcome with a sudden sadness for his long-lost friends. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to them being gone, especially when he has to come here face-to-face with the reality over and over again. They couldn’t move on and now, those they left behind can’t either, and Hoseok’s estate is basically bottomless, so this could go on as long as the lifetime of the park. But what then? Surely Westworld won’t last forever. 

By making this happen, Hoseok only served to prolong the inevitable. But one day, sooner or later, him and Kihyun will have to move on for good. And even after everything, Hoseok couldn’t do what he set out to do, have them both live forever, because this isn’t really them, and this isn’t really living. 

Hyungwon sighs, then turns to motion to another worker to go sweep a different area of the park as he finishes up with his own work in this particular sector. They haven’t got much time to get the whole town of Sweetwater ready before they move onto the next section of the park, and Hyungwon doesn’t have the minutes to spare lamenting his friends yet again. 

All he can do is keep moving forward, and hope for an end to this hopeless, depressing cycle once and for all.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is for round 5 of kiho monthly, filling the "film/tv" theme.
> 
> if you're a monsta x or kiho fanfic writer interested in a fun fanfic writing challenge, please check out kiho monthly [here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/kihomonthly/profile) and consider participating!
> 
> come find me on twitter @justiceforkiho


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